Am I A Murderer?

One of the themes in the parsha this week (Maasei) is the Cities of Refuge, the arai miklat. These are special cities where entry is allowed only by someone who's guilty of accidental murder. The reason these cities were founded was not only to escape the perhaps revengeful hand of the victim's pained family, but also because people who belong there are generally good, straight individuals who committed these unforgivable crimes completely by mistake, and were so torn and broken about it that they just didn't know what to do with themselves or where to go.

The  Chidushei HaRim explains that when someone in klal yisrael hurts someone, even unintentionally, he naturally feels full of pain and guilt. In fact, he'll be so broken that he'll feel as if he has no place in the world for him to go. That's why Hashem is offering him this City Of Refuge- a safe cove for him to hide in until the passing of the Kohen Gadol which served as the dismissal bell.

I have a friend who, a couple of years ago, at the age of 28 had 6 kids under the age of 10. May she live and be well. One day, her husband went into the hospital for a very minor, uncomplicated sinus procedure, where he was in the hands of a skilled doctor. During the surgery, though, the doctor accidentally touched a wrong nerve which caused bleeding in his eye. While trying to fix that, he shifted the bleeding and caused his patient a serious brain hemorrhage. He remained in the hospital, completely relying on life support, in a vegetative state, for the last few months of his life.
The point of bringing you this tragic story was not just to be a carrier of bad news. No way. It's because the doctor, a fine, honest, caring Jew, was so beside himself with pain and guilt that he just didn't, and still doesn't know where to put himself. He wants to run. He wants to hide. He wants to cry. He wants to repent. When I was reading the parsha this week, I understood a little better how important it is to have these cities of refuge for people who are guilty- but purely by accident.

Now, there's a catch here. Yes, the cities of refuge are a wonderful thing for people. But, it only helps if a person really feels remorse and pain. It only benefits a person who is so shattered by what he did that he feels there is no place in the world for him to go.  Someone who's not touched or moved too deeply by his mistake will not find consolation or benefit in any way from going there.
Why not?
Because when you harm someone in any way, and you deeply regret it, this can be something very positive and beneficial. It can motivate you to improve. It can encourage you to be more careful next time. Even when we do things by accident, there's a high chance that if we would have been just that much more careful, it wouldn't have happened. So if the guilty feeling brings one to be more attentive or less negligent in the future, there will definitely be a positive outcome from their mistake. And that's what the arei miklat are for. To help deal with the guilty party's emotions and help him become a person who's more conscious and careful.

Thank God most of us aren't actually killing anybody, but we still manage to hurt people in many other ways. We don't have a City Of Refuge for that, nor do we need one. But let's at least try to feel guilty when we do, and try to turn those feelings into greater consciousness and alertness.

Someone once went to the Steipler Gaon and asked him for a bracha that he should be found innocent in court for a  violation of a traffic law. Instead of giving him a blessing, the Steipler admonished him, saying "If you violated a traffic law, you're endangering the lives of other people. Therefore, you are deserving  of the greatest punishment."We hurt people with words and with actions. Ironically, we also hurt people with a lack of words and a lack of action.
This weeks parsha teaches us AWARENESS. To recognize when  we have caused someone pain and to feel so bad about that mistake, that we will not repeat it again in the future.

Have a great shabbos!

Sticks And Stones May Break My Bones

Generally, I refrain from perpetuating stereotypes. But this one I have actual proof of: Women like to talk. We bounce ideas off each other about everything from dinner ideas to fashion tips to career moves. We talk about politics and share philosophies, we vent, advise, and criticize. 
But we never speak loshon horah, of course.
In fact, out of the ten levels of speech gifted to the world, the female section grabbed nine, leaving only one for males to use. 

Women also speak more quickly than men do, devote more brainpower to chit-chat, and actually get a buzz out of hearing their own voices.
Basically, women were created with an eight-lane superhighway for processing and expressing emotion, while men have just a small country road. With cool tractors.

This is why I wasn't surprised to find that while the parsha discusses the concept of nedarim, making and breaking promises, it references women more than men. 
Of course men have also been noted to speak without thinking, but womens' tongues are usually looser.

Parshas Matos speaks about words. About making promises. And about the consequences of breaking them.

Let's talk about words for a minute.

The main thing that differentiates a human being from an animal is the power of speech. While most animals can communicate as a survival mechanism, no one other than mankind can creatively communicate or express a philosophical query. 
Speech is also what connects the spiritual world with the physical. 
And, speech transforms abstract thoughts into reality.

Speech is holy. It is the tool of creation. Through speech we can build individuals- with praise and encouragement. By making others feel important, we instill in them confidence and dignity, making them feel that their existence is necessary and their presence is significant.

But, the greater the potential for construction, the greater its power for destruction. 
Speech can also be very unholy. It can be used to destroy. By making someone feel worthless, we can wipe out their self esteem and shatter their dignity. 

Gossip, rumors, accusations being spread without being confirmed can tear apart relationships, families, reputations, and even entire communities.

We all love the invention of the internet and the creation of social media. There are many pros to living in our era; an era in which it is of more significance to have a million twitter followers than a million dollars. So much chessed has been achieved through it- thousands of people across the globe praying for someone in need of prayer, collecting tzeddaka for those in need, organizing food, events, activities to benefit others. Many friendships have developed, support groups created, so much Torah shared, and just so many positive, life altering connections have been made. 

But with everything good, there is an equal potential for bad.
How can we blindly believe one sided, bias articles that circulate social media? People are constantly spreading stories that catch their attention without realizing that the internet, and especially social media sites, are the number one platform for exposing whatever personal agenda the author may have. Because the writer knows that if it's something sensational or something that pulls at the heartstrings, the public will eat it up. And we will always have people who believe the underdog, even when the underdog is the one in the wrong.

When we read an online article slamming another individual, we need to do our own objective research before believing it. 
Do we realize that loshon horah is far worse a crime than what many of these culprits are being blamed for? We need to take extreme caution before spreading these vicious rumors. 

There's another thing Ive noticed about our era that can have the ability to be absolutely constructive, but instead, is often absolutely destructive.

The benefit to chatting with people on social media, or through text, over chatting with them in person, is the extra moment we have to filter what we say. We have the ability to proofread what we want to say before clicking 'send'. 
So, why don't we? Why are we sometimes nasty instead? People tend to be even nastier online than they would be in real life, since they're hiding behind a screen.
It should be the opposite. You have a hard time complimenting someone to their face? Try it through text. This is what technology was created for; to help us grow. To become better versions of ourselves.

There's an old saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me."
This expression is incorrect. 
I wudda written, "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will send me to therapy for the rest of my life."

One second. How'd we get into all that? We just got blown away on a huge tangent. I must be a woman.

Let's get back to promises.
The possuk tells us, Lo yachel devaro, which rashi explains to mean- if you don't keep your word, you become profane. By not keeping your word, you are taking something that's holy out of its holiness.
The opposite is true, too. By keeping your word, you become holy.
Sticking to your words, following through with your promises, are what consecrates you, or defiles you.

People who keep their word are reliable, respectable, and trustworthy. They are people of integrity. It means that they value themselves as well as others, creating a healthy level of self worth. Keeping your word means being true to yourself. 

If you have a problem keeping your word, or if you are unable to use the power of speech positively, when there is so much good that can come from it, you might want to explore why.

And now, story time.

Once upon a time, there was a wealthy man. One day, while sitting in his study arranging his accounts, his young son came up to him, asking him for money to buy a candy.
He handed him a gold coin.
The boy goes out and returns, happily licking his treat. When his father asked for the change, he replied that he didn't get any.

The man went down to the grocery to inquire about it.
The store owner said he did not receive a gold coin from the boy; it was copper one, and as an argument ensued, they each maintained their positions.

Seeing as they were unable to reach an agreement, they took their case to beis din, who ruled that the proprietor has to swear that he did not receive a gold coin from the boy.
 
The plaintiff objected, stating that he doesn't want him swearing falsely and requested that they dismiss the case.
Case dismissed.
But then....the people started talking. Very soon the story was buzzing all over the city, and no one wanted to have anything to do with a lying crook.
So, they boycotted his store, he was scorned in shul, his kids were bullied in school, and his wife was pointed at and whispered about at the store.

Penniless, and with no dignity left, he packed up his family and sadly said good bye to the place he had lived in since birth, to the only place his family knew as home, in hopes of starting all over in a new environment.

A few months pass. The wealthy man received a heavy envelope in the mail. Opening it, he came face to face with a gold coin and a letter.
In it was an apology from an unknown man, admitting to stealing a gold coin from him a few months back, and is now repaying that debt.

He explained that he had been in a grave financial predicament and as he walked passed his home one day, he noticed the man's son playing with a gold coin. He rationalized that if this homeowner is so wealthy that his son can sit and play with a gold coin, he surely won't miss it for a few months, and he exchanged his copper coin for the gold one.

Realizing what had happened, it was apparent that the grocer was innocent, and had been telling the truth all along.
But...too little, too late.

So, who's to blame for the dreadful turn of events in the grocer's life?
Whose fault was it that his reputation was destroyed, that he lost his job his home, and his dignity?

Was it the fault of the rich man?
The grocer?
The boy?
The thief?

None of the above.
The blame goes to the people who spoke the loshon hora. It goes to those who gossiped and spread rumors about something they knew nothing about.

Please, my dear friends, let's be careful. Social media has the potential to be responsible for some amazing accomplishments.
But it also has the power to destroy people in ways we cannot even imagine.
And when that happens, there's no one to blame but we, the people.


Have a beautiful shabbos! 
Yaffa

Mission: Impossible?

What a long, hard week this has been. After eighteen difficult, uncertain days waiting for news about our three kidnapped brothers, our hope sprinkled with anguish, we heard the final, tragic news of their brutal deaths.
 But, despite all the heartache and tears from those events, the thing that pained me most is what happened afterwards.
Ninety nine percent of my corner of the internet was filled with articles, stories, and all sorts of propaganda laden with commentary about violence and retaliation on our end. About more bloodshed through revenge and anger. And then, counter articles degrading the fellow Jews suggesting those actions along with endless negative reports about Israel.
Why was this so bothersome? I'll explain it based on a possuk from this week's parsha, Balak.

Balak, the King of Moav, is afraid of the Israelites who will soon be passing through his homeland on their way to Israel. So, in the hopes of destroying them, he hires a non-Jewish prophet, Bil'am, to cast terrible curses upon them. As the story goes on, we see that God did not allow Bil'am to do this and, miraculously, He turned the curses in his mouth into a series of beautiful and poetic blessings for the people of Israel.

The very first of the curses that became blessings, goes like this:
"Hen Am Levadad Yishkon Uvagoyim Lo Yischashuv" -"Behold it is a nation that will dwell in solitude and not be reckoned among the nations."

Apropos much?

Yes, we have felt lonelier than ever as a nation during the last 20ish days. How much attention has our story of abduction received in the press? How much support have we received from world leaders?  Not much. 
But, I can't really blame them, what with way bigger things going on in the world. 
They're not my problem.
This isn't the loneliness that dispirited me.

Our aloneness is not about isolation, distrust or discomfort from the other nations; but rather about unconditional unity and solidarity among the Jewish nation. That no matter what, I got your back and you've got mine.
The unity that formed during the infamous 18 days of hope, was stronger than I've ever seen among us. Jews from every corner of the world, of every color and form, united together in prayer, action and thought. United with one common goal: to #BringBackOurBoys. 
That was all that mattered. 
Because, when a family member is suffering, we are all in pain. And with the tragic ending to the story, each one of us lost a piece of our hearts along with them. 
The connection we formed all across the globe, was inspiring, enriching, and empowering. 

And that's why what happened afterwards was such a deep stab in the heart.

Revenge? Counter attacks? Bombings? More violence? More bloodshed?

Yes, we need to recognize evil and reject it. We need to be passionate about right and wrong.
 But, as Jews, we always take the high road. We don't stoop to the level of our attackers. 
We can never stop terror. Making peace when only one party wants it is a mission impossible. Our job is not to stop terror, we will never succeed at it.
Our job is to continue living! To unite as one, with a common goal, hold each others' hands, and plow through! To never let them break our spirit! To never let them break our unity!

Because, yes, we are alone. We are alone in our uniquness, in our connection with God, and in our common bond; the Torah. 

And just like we were able to unite so strongly during times of darkness, we need to spread that unity and carry it into the light. More tolerance, more empathy, more warmth, more smiles, more love.
The more unity we have, the less jealousy there is in the world. The more compassion we have, the less judgement there is.
Are we really, truly, sincerely happy for our friends' successes? Do we honestly wish for their uninterrupted joy and blessing?

There's a quote Ive seen that's gotten quite a bit of attention:

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

I disagree.

Most of the time, we run to help people when the bus breaks down, but turn our noses up when they're riding in their limo's. Real unity, real uniquness, real love, means feeling the happiness and success of our friends' and not just their sorrows. 

We are a nation in solitude. We are one with each other because we are one with Hashem.

Have a beautiful shabbos!

Yaffa

Some People Are Wise; Some Are Otherwise

I found this story in Rav Dessler's michtav me'eliyahu, and he writes there that he saw it written by Rav Hai Gaon.
Obviously Im paraphrasing.

 

The setting is a forest with a lion and a fox conversing calmly. The fox remains cool when the lion casually asks if he can eat him for dinner. 

Now, the fox knows that the lion is an Atkin's kinda guy.

"Your majesty," explains the fox, "I'm a skinny and bony piece of meat. I will be a fat free, carbs free, taste free dinner. I know just what will satisfy you. I will introduce you to a very fat human being who will serve as the most tasty, luscious meal for his majesty".

They walk a few feet and stand beside an invisible pit, covered with only branches and leaves. Behind it sits a Jewish man wrapped in his tallis and tefillin.

"Hmmm" drooled the lion, "he looks real tempting. But, I'm afraid he might start praying and then something bad will happen to me...".

"Oh, don't be silly," replied Mr. Fox, "nothing will happen to you, or to your son. Maybe your grandson will have to suffer for it, but that's really far ahead. By the time your grandson comes around you would have enjoyed this (any many more) tantalizing meals. Don't worry, Your Highness, indulge!"

 

The lion's persuaded and runs towards the man. While running over the covered pit, he falls inside and is trapped.

Smirking, the fox peers over the edge of the pit and looks down.

"Didn't you tell me that the punishment would only come upon my grandson," growled the angry lion? 

"Hmmm...," the fox scratches his head, "...maybe your grandfather did something wrong, and now you're suffering!"

 

This humorous little fable is actually a lot deeper than it appears on the surface.

In this week's parsha, Korach, who was an intelligent man and an honorable person, made a grave mistake. He, along with 250 heads of the Sanhedrin, openly accused Moshe and Aharon of making the fate of the Jewish people worse by taking them out of Egypt. 

Between you and me, this is the stupidest thing Ive ever heard. It was obvious that life outside of slavery was ideal and more enjoyable, and yet, Korach and his teammates (including the renowned delinquents Dasan and Aveeram) insisted with such certainty about the misdeeds of Moshe and Aharon, that it actually sounded true and convincing.

Sometimes we come across the most intelligent, educated people who vigorously argue their opinions and convictions, when there's no doubt that what they're saying is in complete contrast with the Torah. 

We have to be careful not to let their intelligence blind us from realizing that we cannot trust them when their personal desires block them from seeing the truth. Since they're so smart, they can use their intelligence to mislead others into accepting their argument as truth and logic. When we have our own agenda, we can easily fail to focus on the truth, but rather everything seems to surround our personal desires. This, needless to say is very dangerous.  
This, is how Obama became president.

 

The most obvious contemporary example portraying this idea would be $$$$ . How many marriages suffer because of misuse of money? How many times does one spouse mindlessly spend more than they earn causing the breadwinner to either go into heart attack induced debt, or, worse, leading them to work dishonestly to fulfill the spouses' desires? We can easily be carried away by our wants, (aka needs) allowing ourselves to further crooked our priorities. The same thing is with honor. On whatever level, a person running after fame or recognition can be blinded from the truth while trying to reach his goal. 

 

Getting back to the forest scene from earlier, maybe the lion fell into the trap simply because he was attracted to some fatty meat? His desire prevented him from seeing what he realized afterward was the truth.

 

We have to be on guard constantly. Either we're bound to meet people who seem smart, but are doing things we know are anti Torah, and  we need to not be misled by their charm and intelligence. Or, we, ourselves might arrive at a moment where our personal desires may start taking over our knowledge of right and wrong, and therefore we have to have clarity of mind and be focused on the truth in order to assure that our personal agenda will not interfere.

 

 I don't know about you, but I can never have a piece of chocolate cake or full fat ice cream all by myself. I always need to know that someone else is gonna gain the weight too, so before I indulge I run around looking for people to share in the delight with me.

Nobody likes to sin alone. We tend to drag people down with us. If we have a convincing argument, they're certain to join us.

Korach  and his people were intelligent, high class, educated men who had a convincing argument which contradicted the truth. These are the kind of people we have to keep our distance from... and also, to be cautious not to become one of them.

  

Have a great shabbos!

Yaffa

Pizza Or Donuts?

Some people seem to have perfect lives. I know families who have multiple BMW's and go on yearly cruises, and have beautiful, smart, healthy children, they have respectable careers, they give of themselves to the community, they're popular, have harmony in the home...I mean, can anything get better? 

And yet, most of these people, rich, full lives and all, seem to feel as if their lives are chocolate glazed donuts. Yes, life is full and rich and shiny and enjoyable.... but there's a hole in the middle. Something's missing. There's a level of real happiness and contentment that's just not there.

The parsha this week speaks about reward and punishment in regard to the mitzvos. Im bechukosai teleichu...if you go in the way of my chukim...then the Torah goes on to list a whole bunch of brachot that'll come your way. But, im bechukosai tima'asu...if you despise my chukim...then the Torah presents a whole group of klalot- curses to send upon the person.

I have 2 questions on this:

1. Why does the possuk use the word teleichu, which means to 'walk' with the mitzvos instead of the word tishmoru, to 'keep' the mitzvos?

2. What exactly are the chukim?

So, Rashi answers the second question. He says, shet'hiyu ameilim baTorah... put effort into learning Torah.

So, instead of solving this problem, I think another one was just created. Rashi seems to be explaining that the learning of the Torah is a chok.

What's a chok? It's a law in which the human mind can't see the reason behind it.

Is Rashi telling us that learning Torah is a chok? It would seem to be a mishpat, since we do know why we learn it!

 We learn Torah, so that we can keep it!

Like, when that long awaited moment of receiving a drivers' license arrives... in order to be able to do the driving, you must first learn how to drive.

How are we supposed to keep the mitzvos without first learning what they are and how to keep them?

Here's the amazing chidush. The learning, itself, is not a chok. Of course we understand why that's a must.

 It's the ameilut, the toiling in Torah that we don't understand. The constant delving into deeper depths, the round the clock shuckeling, the never ending thumb swaying... that's what we don't understand. How can it be that people spend 50 or 70 years of their lives sitting on a bench, that might as well have been a swing, and read, learn, and shake, and actually feel fulfilled?

It's because they understand the beauty of Torah, they appreciate its worth. If someone came into your office five minutes before closing time and offers you a million dollars to stay five hours overtime, who will think twice about staying? Of course you'll work longer, since you understand and appreciate the value of the dollar.

So, the learning of the Torah, we understand is a mishpat, but all the extra toil is a chok since we, as outsiders, can't humanly understand why someone will stay up til two AM learning, only to wake up again at four and resume, but he does it because he appreciates it and loves it. And that brings him to an increasingly high level of happiness. True happiness.

Now, remember  the other issue we had? The 'walking' thing?

This is the act, other than breathing, that comes most naturally to a person. You don't have to think 'right, left, right, left...' as you walk, unless you're at your graduation. You just walk.

To walk, is literally a way of life, since it's one's most natural action.

 The Torah is supposed to be not something we just 'keep' or 'do' or 'study'. It should become a way of life. Like we walk without thinking, since it's a part of us, we need to do the mitzvos like they're a part of us. They need to become a part of us.

Remember the people we spoke about whose donut lives have holes in them? So here's an idea. Let's fill up the holes!

Listen to the recipe:

 There are some donuts that come filled. Let’s take one that’s filled with jelly, as our example.

There are 2 types of Jews in the world:

A Jelly Donut Jew and a Pizza Pie Jew.

Which group are you a member of?

When you have a pie of pizza, and you have 8 people waiting to eat, you slice up the pie into 8, pull out each sizzling slice, and each person receives their own piece. Now, say we have a jelly donut with 4 people waiting to indulge. So the donut gets cut into 4, with each person receiving a quarter, but together with each piece, comes along a little bit of the jelly in each corner.

Because the Jelly is the central point of the donut.

There are different ways of using our unique Jewish lives. We can act and dress and speak and think just like our  coworkers or neighbors, although of course remembering to throw in some prayers and maybe even bentch... where each slice of pizza is individual and disconnected.

Or, we can act, speak, dress, feel, think, and walk like a Jew no matter where we work, or what we do. Each action will have a little bit of the jelly at the tip. Every step we take will be guided by the Torah.

Because Judaism is not a religion. It's a way of life.

We walk with it.

 This is what brings us fulfillment and happiness. This is what people need to fill into their holes in order to be truly happy. A life of understanding and appreciating the value of Torah , and bringing it into your life making it part and parcel of who you are.

BRING ON THE JELLY!

And since I’m in a poetic mood….

As you go through life,

No matter what your goal

Keep your eyes upon the donut,

And not upon the hole.

Have a great shabbos

Yaffa

The Crime Of Mediocrity

There are many cross breeds out there on the farm, but the most common one is that of a donkey stallion and a horse mare. What evolves is a Mule. The mule is known to be exceptionally strong. The reason being, that although the offspring is fully developed as a male or female, it is almost always born sterile, and therefore, unable to naturally further mule production. 

Sometimes, when an animal has a certain blemish or imperfection, that lack is compensated by an increase in strength or value of the animal. Unlike the mule who's sterile by birth, some animals are purposely castrated in order to increase their strength.

But, as taught to us in Parshas Emor, although these animals with blemishes might have a greater value because of it, they are still unfit for a korban.

 

Throughout the Torah, we find that completion and wholeness takes precedence over quantity. Say you have two types of bread on the table in front of you. One is a large loaf, conveniently pre-sliced. The other is a round, bite-size roll, strangely resembling a meatball. Which of these would have the honor of receiving your Hamotzee? Obviously the meatball one. Why? Because although the other is bigger and fluffier, and you even bought it at the French bakery, it has a blemish. It's not whole anymore. So the bracha goes on the one that's whole and pure, since that perfection makes it more choshuv.

 

Our avodas Hashem is not measured by quantity, but rather, by how close it is to perfection. The object of the game isn't about how many chumrahs we take upon ourselves, but rather, how carefully we do each mitzvah.

 

There's a gemorah that says: Haosek b'mitzvah patur min hamitzvah, when you're busy with one mitzvah, you're exempt from doing another one. Why is that? Shouldn't we spend the whole day grabbing 'em off the shelves and filling up our shopping carts with as many mitzvos as we can fit in? 

Sort of, but not quite.

 

When we're involved with a mitzvah, we have to make sure that it will be done properly and with completion. The gemorah warns a person very sternly, listing terrible punishments  which will be brought onto one who doesn't finish a mitzvah that he started. The idea is that if you're gonna do something, do it right. Otherwise we're settling for mediocrity. 

Mediocrity is problematic because it means that one does not allow himself to do or become something of ultimate value and therefore he sells himself short. Like, if someone would steal my Porsche and sell it on Ebay for the best bid. Ouch. That's painful, because it's worth so much more than that.

And this is the meaning of the gemorah- that we should be so focused on and active about the mitzvah at hand, and on trying to fulfill it to completion and perfection, that we don't have to get involved with another one until the original is successfully done.

This gemorah is especially popular among my crowd of procrastinators. I wanted to copy it and hang it up in my office (I'm president of the popular club, Procratinators' Unite...Tomorrow), but never got around to it yet.

 

But, to my chagrin, this focus on the 'one mitzvah at a time' thing is not to excuse nor encourage laziness or stagnation. On the contrary. Of course we're trying to fill up our shopping carts, but if the new item is going to ruin one of the old ones in there, it's better that we first move the old one out of the way before adding a new one. If taking a new mitzvah upon yourself is going to interfere with doing the present one properly, we are not obligated to accept the new one. But, a person who wants to have the most items at checkout is going to finish up the original mitzvah quickly, and complete it as fast as he can, in order to be prepared to start the new one. So it's constant movement, focus, involvement, thinking, and determination. 

 Let's talk about mediocrity.

 Listen to this great story about a great person, with a great moral. 

Rav Simcha Wasserman once gave an ultimatum to the principals of a few yeshivos in the United States, telling them that they have to make a choice. Either they teach secular studies properly and thoroughly in their yeshivos, or they shouldn't teach them at all. Because otherwise, he explained to them, they're teaching their b'nei Torah to be mediocre. And that's a crime.

We have to try our hardest to reach perfection in our actions. We have to give everything our best shot.

Success isn't measured by quantity, but by quality. 

 

It's not measured by how many kids we have, but rather by what kind of parent we are to them. Not by how many people we were mekarev, but by how much of a kiddush Hashem we make in their presence. Not by how many items we sold in our store today, but by how much of our heart was in it, and by how beautiful our business ethics were.

 

So, an animal can have many extra qualities because of a certain negative physical condition, but since it's lacking in its ability to reach perfection, it will be rejected as a korban. 

Before I sign off, there's one small thing bothering me.

We're supposed to be perfect. Yet, as human beings, we never can be. 

So why don't I just stop before I even start, so I don't hafta look like a drop-out?

 

Because no one is actually saying that we have to be perfect.  

Nobody is perfect; that's why pencils have erasers. Human beings are not capable of creating perfection, only God can make something perfect, and I really don't want His job. 

What can we do, though? Great timing for this question. We're in the process right now of counting the days of sefiras haomer. We count up to 50, which is the numeral representing perfection. But we don't actually count the 50th day. We stop at 49. Because we're not capable of reaching perfection. 

But, we are capable of counting 49, and by counting 49, it's as if we counted 50. Why? Because 50 is the automatic result of putting in effort and achieving the first 49.

 

Now in English.

 

We cannot be perfect, but we can desire perfection and strive toward it.  

There are no perfect people in this world, only perfect intentions. 

We have to aim for the top and try our best in all our actions. If we spend 49 days striving for completion and perfection in our avodas Hashem, the results will be viewed by Hashem as perfection, as they're carried up to 50.

 

I just wanna share with you something awesome that I heard from a former student Leba (you know who you are) who heard it from Yocheved (you also know who you are), with special thanx to her anonymous chavrusa (do you know who you are?) and here it is. It's a mishnah in yuma:

 

Lifnei mi atem metaharim umi metaher eschem- Avichem shebashamayim- before whom are you purified, and who purifies you? Our Father in Heaven.

 

Take the word mi that's written twice. The numerical value of that word is 50. So now, let's understand this quote differently.

"Before 50, we hafta purify ourselves,  (umi) and from 50, Hashem purifies us." 

How awesome is that?!

Have a beautiful shabbos,

Yaffa

Does My Holiness Have Holes In It?

 Parshas Kedoshim begins with the commandment for us to be holy, just like Hashem is holy.

What is holiness? What does it mean to be a person of sanctity?

Does holiness mean kissing every mezuzah within arm's distance throughout your day?

 

Maybe the Holiness Award goes to he who can shuckle the most wildly, both frontward and backward and still maintain his balance.

 

Perhaps a person of sanctity is one who carries a magnifying glass around his neck so he can be confident that each glass of water he drinks is 100% bug free?

Maybe it means prohibiting the internet till it just obliterates from the world! 

Or, banning exercise classes that don't limit their music to Yeshiva Boys Choir!

 

Oh, I know- holiness means making a bonfire and burning your avoda zara sheitel. Or better yet, if you wanna be one of even greater holiness, go pick a sheitel store of  your choice, and burn it down to the ground! C'mon- DO THE WORK OF THE LORD!

 

I'm afraid not, my friends. Perhaps we should take a close look at the words in the p'sukim to help us understand what it means to be a truly holy person.

 

The very first sentence written, after telling us to be holy, is not, surprisingly,  'shmoneh esrai should take a minimum of 25 minutes.'  
It says  'HONOR YOUR PARENTS.'

Then, the verses continue with a large variety of mitzvos- bein adam l'chaveiro, between man and his friend. Yes, there are some commandments that are bein adam laMakom, between man and God, but the overwhelming majority seem to be focused on the proper behavior patterns among human beings.

 

In order to bring Kedusha, holiness, into the world, we need to exercise the use of our souls. 

You can understand this by taking a good look at your neighborhood cat. Or, maybe at your neighborhood dog. I'm lucky- on my street, I have more dogs than people, so visualizing the scenario is easy. Could those animals ever be holy? I don't think so. An animal behaves on impulse. He acts based on his instincts. There are absolutely no thoughts activating his actions. He just does what his nature leads him to do. When a cougar attacks someone and kills them, he's behaving according to his nature. Free choice does not exist.

 

True holiness and sanctity are brought about by an action as a result of a thought process. Not by simply following impulses, but by fighting for the truth, and by making a clear decision to do something right. Because every time we decide in the affirmative and therefore do a positive action, we become holier and we bring holiness into the world.

Now, of course there's kedusha in mitzvos that are bein adam laMakom. Plenty of it. Those are also human acts that depend on the spiritual side of a person. But the ultimate in sanctity is dependent on our behavior in the earthly, worldly activities. On channeling our impulses and choosing correctly.

You can take every chumra you've ever heard of upon yourself, and fast every other day, and buy only Glatt kosher and cholov yisrael... but while waiting on line for it you're blabbing loshon horah on your cell phone with one hand, and with the other, you're elbowing the guy who took your parking spot, and you're giving the death stare to the lady in front of you because she took the last fat-free carb-free taste-free potato knish...well that's a bit oxymoronic, dontcha think?

 

We need to ask ourselves, "Am I holy, or am I holier than thou?"
Big difference.

So, the chidush over here is that who we really are, and how we rank on our level of spirituality, is based on our behaviors bein adam l'chaveiro. How we speak to others, and how we respect them. Dealing fairly with others, feeling and showing care and concern, judging favorably, giving tzedakah, giving our parents the proper honor and respect that they deserve, going the extra mile for someone,  etc... That's how we measure true holiness. That's how we become sanctified people.

 

But we must remember an important factor. All of my actions between man and man, must still be done on God's terms, and not on my own. Because once the mitzvos become dependent on my own emotions, needs, or satisfaction, Im entering the dangerous zone of following the Torah out of convenience and not out of obligation. This leads to Selective Judasim.

So, for all of you out there who are trying to change the world, here's an idea. Let's try forgiving someone who wronged us and not bearing a grudge or not taking revenge, and watch the world transform into one of true holiness. 

 

Have a beautiful Shabbos,

Yaffa