Thanx for Stating the Obvious

Aaaaaaand, WE´RE BACK!
Thank you for all your concern, encouragement, pressure and threats...and a big apology to each of you individually, for not having been at your shabbos tables over the summer...
No excuse is good enough, so I won´t even go there.
Please accept my apology, and I hope to be worthy of winning my readers back.

Every year Parshas Ki Savo falls out right before Rosh Hashana. Could there be a connection between the two?

The parsha this week teaches us about the mitzva of Bikurim- taking the first fruit of the harvest as an offering to Hashem.

 The medrash  connects the ´taking the first of the fruit´ to the beginning of all time- the creation of the world.  It writes that the world was created in the merit of the mitzva of bikurim.
Wait. Say what? What does that even mean? The whole entire world, full of people and trees and stars and ice cream and shoes... all in the merit of balancing a basket of fruit on top of your head while playing a trumpet?!

There has got to be a significant part of the mitzva that we are not aware of.

There's another medrash tanchuma that says that Moshe saw through ruach haKodesh that the Bais Hamikdash, holy temple will be destroyed in the future and that the first fruits will terminate. So in order to preserve this mitzva in whatever way possible, he arose and instituted prayer 3 times a day.
This is fascinating. There were many things that were involved in the temple service that he could've been afraid of losing and needed prayer to replace them with. But, clearly there was something special in the mitzvah of Bikurim which Moshe felt a need to safeguard and institute something to connect us to God in the same way Bikurim does.

The Shem M'Shmuel quotes a Zohar based on our medrash above: Only because of Divine kindness do they merit all this and dwell in the land. God brought them into the land and gave them all these great things, and they give the fruits of the bikurim to the Kohanim because they represent the kindness of Hashem.

Ok, now in English.
The function of this commandment is to create awareness and affirmation that our existence within the land of Israel has nothing to do with the merit of the land itself, but only because God has given it to us as an act of kindness. We received it in the grace of God.
This is akin to the purpose of the creation of the world. The very first words in the Torah are "B'raishis Barah Elokim..." B'Raishis- because of the first, Barah Elokim... For the merit of the first fruits of Bikurim, Hashem created the world.

The world was created and all of mankind was made by the chessed of God alone.  The Ramban informs us that the intention of all the mitzvos is to believe in God and concede that He created us.

Now, I know you´re all thinking I should get with the program and stop stating the obvious. Not recognizing God as our Creator is so 6,000 years ago. We all believe in God. We all know He created the world and everything in it. So why am I boring you with ideas you already know?

Actually, I have the same question about our obligation to say the Shema three times a day. Isn´t once a day sufficient? How often do I need to proclaim the Oneness of God? Am I an idiot that I forget after once a day?
No, this has nothing to do with my IQ. It´s about the challenge of being able to know something in our heads without necessarily feeling it in our hearts.

¨V´yaddata hayom¨, know it today... But that´s not all. ¨V´hashaivosa el levavecha¨, and bring it into your heart.
Knowing something intellectually, is easy. But bringing it into your heart is a whole nother thing. The power of repetition is what helps us feel God, and not just know Him.

One of the biggest illusions in life is kochi vótzem yadi, my accomplishments are because of my own power.  
Of course we wouldn´t be successful or responsible without own effort, skills and talents. But without God´s constant involvement and Will, none of it would happen. He´s involved in every aspect of our lives.

When we enter our fields and notice all the new fruits that had ripened, we can think "Look at my wonderful produce. Look what an agricultural genius I am..."  
Instead, we need to look around at the field and notice the incredible generosity of Hashem, the kindness He bestowed upon me by allowing me to have these fruits in my land, and therefore I´ll consecrate them for Him. 

It's all because of Him. 

This act of Bikurim is an identification of the whole purpose of the world. To recognize and understand, and to act upon that understanding that the world, and everything we have in life, is but a gift from God.

So what´s the connection between our fruits, and Rosh Hashana? Is it the apple? 
It´s more than the apple. It´s the core. [insert snort] 

The pinnacle of Rosh Hashana is Malchuyos- the declaration of the solitary kingship of God.

 "Ani L'dodi V'dodi Li"... I am to my Beloved and My Beloved is to me. This is a relationship of love between us and God. An expression of how much He gives us. The mitzvah of Bikurim allows us to reflect upon the boundless chessed we receive constantly- day in and day out, from God, Himself.

Next time I notice something good in my life, I´m gonna stop for a moment and appreciate Who gave it to me. Maybe I'll even take out a siddur and say a few words to Him- hence the institution of prayer. 
And, when we pour our hearts out this Rosh Hashana, try this attitude:  
Don't tell Hashem how big your problems are... tell your problems how big Hashem is. 

 Have a great shabbos!

Sinning...For The Sake Of Heaven?

Rabbi Chaim of Brisk once said about zealousness: Both a housewife and a cat want to destroy mice. The sole difference lies in their attitudes. The housewife really wants to be rid of them. The cat, however, wants the mice to be there to attack them.

  

Pinchas acted zealously in this week's Torah portion to stop a public display of immorality.

 

When Pinchas killed Zimri and Kosbi, a tremendous controversy erupted among the people as to whether his actions were correct or murderous. This week's parsha begins with G-d "testifying" to the correctness of what Pinchas did. 

First, because of what Pinchas did, he stemmed the plague that had broken out and was killing multitudes.  Second, the Torah repeatedly identifies Pinchas as the grandson of Aharon HaKohen.

 

 From Law and Order and NYPD, to CSI and NCIS, the people of our generation can indefinitely figure out a way to commit murder without getting caught. The story of Pinchas’ crime would have made a great episode. He could’ve gotten away with it. But he didn’t. He openly confessed. Why did he do it? And why did he admit it?

 

The motives of the zealot who takes unilateral action are extremely important, for his very qualifications as a zealot hinge upon the question of what, exactly, prompted him to do what he did. Is he truly motivated to "still G-d's wrath", or has he found a holy outlet for his individual aggression? Is his act truly an act of peace, driven by the desire to reconcile an errant people with their G-d, or is it an act of violence, made kosher by the assumption of the label "zealot"?

 

And this leads us to the concept of Aveira Lishma. A sin in the name of heaven. 

 

This concept is more than just doing an immoral act with proper motive. It's not just about breaking the speed limit to rush someone to the emergency room. It's a whole lot more.

 

Technically, one should be repulsed by  loshon harah. But suddenly there’s a scandal involving their neighbor, or even their Rav, and the loshon harah starts pouring out. “It’s l’shem shamayim!” No it’s not. That’s not kanaut, zealousness. That’s their bad middos waiting for an opportunity to come out. 

 

Another example of mistaken Aveira Lishma; Cheating the government. “I’m allowed to. I learn in Kollel! It’s L’shem shamayim!”

 No it’s not. Speaking against certain schools, institution, rabbanim….Getting involved in community politics, creating machlokes…

We think it’s an Aveira lishma. Most of the time it’s not. It’s about my ego.

 

There is a mishne in Pirkei Avos “ Hevei Boreach min haAveira” One must run away from a sin.  

The only word that comes to mind here is  Duh!  I was expecting something a little more profound from the mishne. 

 

Actually, it IS profound. 

 

The Gr”a explains that it’s not teaching us to run away from regular sin. But even an Aveira Lishma should be done reluctantly, and only as a last resort. Like Queen Esther marrying Achashverosh. Like Yael killing the mighty king Sisra.

 

So how do I know if my zealousness is really for the sake of heaven? I must ask myself: “Does Hashem want me to be doing this?” Is He ok with me burning down a sheitel store because I feel sheitels aren’t tzanua? 

 

That’s what the Possuk says about Pinchas, G-d said “ Pinchas was zealous out of concern for MY honor”.  It wasn’t for his ego.

 

Just like the scenario with the housewife vs. the cat in getting rid of the mouse, the same applies to protests against misdeeds. One must sincerely not want the misdeeds. One should not just use the misdeed as an opportunity to engage in protesting.

 

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." 

That's only if we fail to analyze those intentions.

 

Have a great Shabbos!

Holy Cow!

Have you ever herd of the Red Cow?

In this week's parsha we learn of the mitzvah of the Parah Adumah [RedHeifer]. Rashi says that this mitzvah is known as the quintessential "chok". A “chok” is a mitzvah in which we don’t understand the reason.

As I write this, I wonder about the connection between the Red Heifer and the bulls who star in bullfights. The way the Matadors provoke the bulls to fight is by waving a red cloth at them, which is so terribly irritating to them that they get riled up and charge at the fighter. Something about their red ancestor? Perhaps not having been chosen as the unique red one? Its highly probable that there’s no connection at all.

Mooovin along, the mitzvah of Parah Adumah is, in fact, a tremendous paradox. The Parah Adumah was used to be me'taher people who were Tameh Meis. To purify those that have become impure through contact with a corpse. People who have the impurity of Tameh Meis have no way of achieving purity other than by means of the Parah Adumah. Yet, on the other hand, any person who had anything to do with the preparing or the carrying or the sprinkling of the Parah Adumah became ritually impure, himself. 

The paradox of the Parah Adumah, thus, is that it makes those who are impure, pure and those who are pure, impure.

Our Rabbis tell us that the verse in Koheles [7:23] "All this I tried to understand with my wisdom; I said I will figure it out, but it is still distant from me" refers to Shlomo stating that he understood the entire Torah, except for the chapter of Parah Adumah which remained elusive --despite all his inquiry.

The Medrash further states that G-d told Moshe, "To you I will explain the paradox of Parah Adumah, but to every other human being I will always hide its mystery." However the Medrash does say that in the Messianic Era, G-d will finally explain to us the mystery of Parah Adumah.

 G-d made a deliberate and conscious effort to keep the mystery of Parah Adumah hidden from us. Shlomo, with his unparalleled wisdom, should have been able to understand Parah Adumah. But G-d said, "I've got to keep this a secret. There is a reason. I will tell it to Klal Yisroel in the distant future. But for now, no one can understand Parah Adumah."

Why? Does G-d want to prove that He is smarter than us? Is this a game where G-d dangles something in front of us, teasing us with our inability to figure it out? 

Is G-d being a Matador and waving the Red Cow in front of us to provoke us?  

 The reason G-d hid the understanding of Parah Adumah from us, is to teach us a vital lesson. There are things in life that are just inexplicable. We must learn the lesson that things will happen in life that we will never be able to understand. We will come across things that will be terrible paradoxes, things that have apparently no rhyme and no reason.

What is this area of paradox that parallels Parah Adumah? 
It is the area of Tzadik v'ra lo and Rasha v'Tov lo.

 It’s the famous troublesome question of the ages:  
Why do bad things happen to good people, and vise versa?

The same way Parah Adumah is a paradox that makes absolutely no sense, there exists a paradox in life that we meet time and time and time again.

Logic would dictate just the reverse: A person is righteous, he is a noble Jew and unfortunately he suffers. Another person is wicked, he does everything that is forbidden and he is wealthy and prospers and has honor. Does this even make sense?!

G-d makes no errors. He runs the world with a plan. This is not illogical, it’s a paradox!

For some reason, that is the way that G-d made His world. We will have to deal with that issue and problem. 
So, G-d educated us in paradoxes. That education is the Parah Adumah.

This is a tremendous education. Today, we think of Parah Adumah as an obscure mitzvah. We learn about it in the Chumash. We don't really know what it is talking about.
But during the time of the Temple, the laws of Parah Adumah were extremely relevant. Invariably, one came into contact with dead people; one went to funerals; one became tameh. Then what? One could not eat Kodshim Kalim; one could not eat Ma'aser; one could not go to certain places in Jerusalem until one became Tahor.

So, Parah Adumah was certainly something that happened many times a year and was often a daily occurrence. Every single time, a Jew would be faced with the same paradox. He walks in tameh and walks out tahor while the Kohen would walk in tahor and walk out tameh. It does not seem to make sense, but at least the Jew would be exposed to and get accustomed to a paradox.

The Jew would learn that there are some things in this world that don't seem to make sense. That is why G-d hid the reason for Parah Adumah from us and it is also why in he future He will explain Parah Adumah to us.

 In the future we WILL understand all the paradoxes of life. The one about the Red Cow, and also the udder ones. 

But right now, G-d purposely keeps them a secret, in order to understand that we just CAN’T understand because we’re not supposed to understand it. 
That in itself supplies tremendous satisfaction and consolation.

 Have a great shabbos!

Korach, The Bully

There are a few things that annoy me at the supermarket.
 
When I´m done unloading my wagon contents onto the checkout counter, and the cashier asks me, ¨Will that be all?¨
 
No, ma´am, I´d like all this invisible stuff, too.
 
Then, say, on a rare occasion, like when I run out at 6 am because I have nothing in the house  to send the kids to school with, and I only have a few bottles of milk, bread, snacks, and fruit on the counter, and the cashier asks, ¨Would you like a bag?¨
 
Nah, that´s ok. I can juggle 10 items...12 is my limit.
 
And lastly, there´s the friendly ¨Can I help you?¨
 
Ok, I know what you´re confused about. That kind gesture offering assistance should not be bothering me; It should be reassuring me.
 
But, I remain suspicious as to whom the sales person hopes to help. 
Do they have my best interest in mind, or their own? Do they need to look busy? Receive commission per costumer?
 
How many times have they not located what I requested, or they waved me off stating they don´t carry it, only for me to have found it in the next aisle?
The agenda runs interference with our ability to trust.

This week’s Torah reading relates the story and downfall of Korach and his followers in their rebellion against Moshe. The basis of Korach’s complaint was that the entire nation is holy, and therefore there was no need for Moshe to serve as leader and Aaron as the high priest.
Korach was a gifted orator. He was pursuasive, convincing, and charming. He was a leader who was righteous and respected.
 
But underneath his self-righteous image lies the essence of a manipulator: someone who shrewdly and deviously attempts to control.
A manipulator is someone who has mastered the art of aggression disguised as helpfulness, good intentions, or working "for the good of the people". These people are brilliant at hiding their true motives.
Pretending to pursue the greater good, he adopts the mantra of “people first” with a fervency that inspires admiration and respect, and most people accept his claims of selfless pursuit of noble causes.


The Parsha states, And Korach took…

He took: He seduced the heads of the Sanhedrin with soft speech. (Rashi)

He took …a bad business for himself. (Tactate Sanhedrin 109B)

He took: He assumed the right to himself (Rabbi S.R. Hirsch)

What exactly did Korach take? The verse is purposefully ambiguous about what it was that Korach took perhaps to imply all of the above and more. The Chovos Halevovos offers a prescription on how to be a good neighbor or friend that may help us to understand where Korach went awry and why.
 
He writes that one must be sincerely concerned about everyone in their lives. That he should endeavor to meet his duties toward them to fulfill their wishes. He should be their steadfast supporter in all their concerns and advise them what is advantageous to them.
 
He should do this to serve G-d as it written, “Love your neighbor as yourself”, “Do not hate your brother in your heart”. Not because he hopes to be repaid by them, not to make them indebted to him, not because he loves to be honored and praised by them, not to have authority over them, but rather to fulfill the commandment of the Creator and to keep His covenant and His ordinances in their regard.

He continues...If his motive in fulfilling their wishes is one of those ulterior motives mentioned above, he will not obtain what he wants from them in this world, he will labor in vain, and he will lose his reward in the World-to-Come. If, however, he acts solely out of service to G-d, then G-d will help them (his beneficiaries) to repay him in this world and will put his praises in their mouths and will increase his stature in their eyes.

 The Chovos HaLevavos gives a clear “if/then” promise without any qualifications. If one engages personal interactions with a selfish motive then the mission will certainly fail. However, if one acts out of a sense of dutiful concern then success is guaranteed.
Take the seder table, for example. The child who is asked to recite “Mah Nishtana” to impress the guests will also more likely freeze and fail recognizing subconsciously he is being asked to risk humiliation to offer someone else a feeling of success or nachas.
 
If a parent, teacher, mentor, or anyone in a leadership position can convince a person that they have his or her best interest at heart then they can really begin to work wonders. The relationship becomes inspired with genuine respect. The person’s needs are perceived as an end and not just a means.

Watch out for charismatic leaders or ambitious coworkers. Make sure their hearts are in the right place.
 
Being a celebrity is a thrilling concept. The world, or parts of it, is in the hands of a celebrity. They can change whatever needs changing, or fix whatever needs fixing. The people soak up their every word, laugh at every joke, and imitate their every action. They have the luxury to do as they so desire without explanation. They can see the world, and be seen by the world. They get to be in the front lines.
 
But a celebrity doesn´t have to be rich to be famous.
 
It can be any one of us, or anyone we know.
 
It starts out with a sincere desire to develop ones talents, and make a difference in the world.  It starts by feeling a genuine desire to educate, inspire, and entertain people with captivating words.
 
But being a public figure requires more emphasis on the external, which gets rationalized because it´s for the greater good. And being a public figure means getting fan mail, which feels nice, since it means you´re making a difference in peoples´ lives. It also feels nice, because now you´re a celebrity.
 
When the internal becomes external, we have to stop and question our motives. Are we manipulating our followers? Am I enjoying the attention a bit too much? Are my intentions still as sincere as they were before the spotlight blinded me? And if they are sincere, am I carrying them out in the right way?Am I being creative, or emotionally controlling? Am I hurting as many people as I´m building?
 
Do I have their best interest in mind, or my own?
Nobody wants to be a mere instrument for somebody else´s aggrandizement, a stepping stool or even a medal on their chest. Even if a person is pleasant and charming the weight of the agenda eventually crushes the relationship.
 
Imagine seeing a life size cuddly teddy bear running towards you with his arms open wide, inviting you for a hug. So you run in its direction, reciprocating the gesture. Who can reject an endearing, snuggly, soft, warm hug? Well, being blinded by a flaunting or pretentious leader is like realizing that the huggable, loveable bear you´re running towards, is attached to the front of a speeding truck.

Why is it that when we go to a doctor and if we don’t like what we hear we go for second opinion and yet when we get on a plane we trust the first pilot offered? The difference is that the pilot is also getting on the plane with us.
Korach tragically crashed a plane with 250 families and their possessions by convincing them and himself he had their best interest at heart when it was really only about him. Perhaps this profound lesson of caution is all we can take from a taker.

First rule of leadership: Everything is your fault.


Have a beautiful shabbos!

Mission Possible

There is an underlying theme traveling through the fourth sefer of the Torah. 

 

It's called Divine Providence. 

 

Every occurence in life, be it of greater or lesser significance, is orchestrated by God. We see this revealed throughout the 40 years the Jews were in the midbar. Even the mitzvos that are handed down in these parshios relate to the theme of God's specific concern for each individual person.

We learn in pirkei avos, 'aizehu chochom, haroeh es hanolad' . This literally means, 'who is wise? someone who sees what will be born'. No, this has nothing to do with reading a sonogram. 

Who is a wise person? Someone who looks ahead into the future.

 

Someone who recognizes that there is a long term goal up ahead, which was predestined and set up specifically for him. Someone who realizes that every single thing that happens, including which parents he came from, the personality he was given, his mazal, as well every detail throughout his day, is part of a chain starting far back, and going way ahead. This is a person who lives with his eyes looking to the future. He understands that there's a rhyme and reason for it all, whether or not his binoculars can actually see it.

One who thinks that each action comes from nowhere and heads nowhere, is a person who lives only in the present, without long term concerns, and therefore, doesn't fall into the category of a chochom, because he´s limiting the pleasure and contentment of his own life. 

 

Ok, stop yawning. I know this is nothing new to some of you. But other people reading this are actually just waking up now. This is great news! Am I implying we can sit back on the beach for the rest of our lives and just blame everything on God?

Not quite. There's a fine line over here which needs to be met with caution.  

 

Placing our belief in God's complete control over everything, does not release us from taking personal responsibility for all our actions. 

 

It's very easy and satisfying to sit back and say "gam zu l'tovah", this, too is for the best. If I miss my train because I woke up late and left things for the last minute, I have no right to blame G-d by saying gam zu l'tovah. What does He hafta do with this? It's my fault for being irresponsible. 

 If, however, I woke up and left the house on time, but got stuck in an unavoidable traffic jam on the way to the station, and missed the train, well then that would be out of my control, and obviously willed from Above.

 

This is the challenge we face. To know and understand that everything happens for a reason with Hashem's constant guidance, while still being able to take responsibility for our actions, without shifting the blame to Divine providence.

 

 This can be understood even further. 

If my family, nature, and daily life details were custom made for me, then there must be a specific goal for me to reach based on what I was given. 

And whether or not I achieve that purpose, is completely my responsibility. I can´t blame my abusive kindergarten teacher, nor can I blame my father who was always away on business. 

The number one obstacle to self growth, is excuses. 

I need to stand up, grow up, fess up, own up, and take responsibilty for my decisions and actions.

 

This is why, in the parsha this week, Bamidbar, the Jews are being counted one by one... to show us the importance- not just of the Jews as a nation, but the significance of each individual.

 

I have a Mission Possible. And no one can accomplish it, but me.

The good news is, I´m not responsible for the outcome, solely for the effort. 

The results are in Hashem's hands. And that's where we say gam zu l'tovah. 

 

This Tuesday night begins the special festival of Shavuot. There's a whole lot more to this special holiday than flowers and cheesecake.

Shavuot is the day that we became the Jewish Nation!

 Not coincidently (obviously), our parsha theme continues to travel throughout the holiday.

When we originally received the Torah at Mt Sinai, the hardest adjustment for the Jewish nation was the sudden responsibility that came along with it. Because Following the Torah means TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS.

The general attitude among human beings is that success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan. I'm responsible for everything that goes right, but someone or something else is responsible when something goes wrong.

The first step in my personal preparation for Kabbalat HaTorah is to stop making excuses for myself. To stop blaming other people or circumstances for my mistakes and failures.
I alone am responsible for my actions.

 

 " If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments".

 

 Have a great shabbos and a meaningful Kabbalat HaTorah!

Pizza Or Donuts?

Believe it or not, some people really do seem to have perfect lives. 

I know families who have multiple BMW's and go on yearly cruises, they have beautiful, smart, healthy children, they have respectable careers, they give of themselves to the community, they're admired and held in high public esteem, have harmony in the home...I mean, can anything get better?

And yet, many of these blessed people seem to feel as if their lives are just chocolate glazed donuts. 

Their lives are full and rich and shiny and pleasurable.... but there's a hole in the middle. 

Something's missing. 

 There's a level of real happiness and contentment that's just not there.

 

The parsha this week speaks about reward and punishment in regard to the mitzvos.

 Im bechukotai teleichu...if you go in the way of my 'chukim'...then the Torah goes on to list a whole bunch of brachos that'll come your way. 

But, im bechukotai tima'asu...if you despise my 'chukim'...then the Torah presents a whole group of klalot- curses to send upon the person.

 

I have 2 questions on this:

1. Why does the possuk use the word teleichu, which means to 'walk' with the mitzvos instead of the word tishmoru, to 'keep' the mitzvos?

2. What exactly are the chukim?

 

So, Rashi answers the second question. 

He says shet'hiyu ameilim baTorah... put effort into learning Torah.

Ok. So instead of solving this problem, I think it just expanded. Rashi seems to be indicating that learning Torah is a chok.

What's a chok? It's a law in which the human mind can't visualize the cause, explanation, or justification for it.

   

So, how can learning Torah be a chok? 

It would appear to be a mishpat, since we do know why we learn it. We study Torah so that we can fulfill its laws and follow its commandments.

Like getting behind the wheel of a car, in order to maneuver it successfully and safely, one must first learn how to drive.

Unless you live in Mexico, then you just pay 50 bucks and you get yourself a license, plus a safe house to run to if you kill someone.

So, it can´t be a chok, because how are we supposed to keep the mitzvos without first learning what they are and how to keep them?

 

Here's the amazing chidush. The learning itself is not a chok. The studying of the Torah has an apparent reason. 

It's the ameilut, the toiling in Torah that we don't understand. 

The constant delving into deeper depths, the round the clock shuckeling, the never ending  thumb swaying... that's what we don't understand. 

How can an intelligent and ambitious man spend fifty or seventy years of his life sitting on a bench, that really should have been a swing, reading, learning, and shaking, and actually feel fulfilled?

It's because he understands the beauty of Torah, and he appreciates its worth. 

If someone entered your office five minutes before closing time and offered you $1,000,000 for staying five hours overtime, will you think twice about staying? Will you even think once?

If you need to contemplate that offer, I need to do a background check on your Jewish roots. 

Obviously you'll put in the extra time, since you understand and appreciate the value of the dollar.

So, the learning of the Torah is a mishpat, but all the extra toil is a chok since we can't humanly comprehend why someone will stay awake til the two am learning, only to awaken again at four to resume. 

If I switch the soul searching with sole searching, now that´s a concept I understand and appreciate. Yes, I will sleep two hour nights if that´s the requirement for acquiring my dream shoes.

But the self induced insomniac who spends the wee hours shuckling, does so because of his deep appreciation and love of Torah. 

That extra exertion creates within him the highest possible level of true, inner happiness.

 

Now the other issue we had. The walking thing. 

This is the act, other than breathing, that comes most naturally to a person. 

I don't have to think 'right, left, right, left...' as I walk, unless I´m at my graduation. 

I just walk. 

We all just walk. 

It is recommended to watch where you´re going, tho, or you might end up in places...or in things you don't want to be in .

To walk is literally, a way of life, since it's one's most natural action.

  The Torah is not supposed to be something we just keep or do or study. It is meant to become a way of life. 

Just like I walk without thinking since it's a part of me, I need to do the mitzvos like they're a part of me. They need to become a part of me. They need to become my natural insticts.

Returning to the perfect people we spoke about above whose donuts have holes, I have an idea for them.

Let's fill up the holes! 

Listen to the recipe:

There are some donuts that come completed, with, say jelly. Y´know which those are. The ones that make a snowstorm on your clothes, and you don´t quite know where to put your nose while you take a bite.

 So, there are 2 types of Jews in the world. There's a Jelly Donut Jew and a Pizza Pie Jew. 

Which group are you a member of?

When you have a pie of pizza with eight people waiting to dig in, you slice up the pie into eight, pull out each sizzling slice, and every person receives their own piece. 

Now, on the other side of the room we have a jelly donut with four people waiting to indulge. The donut gets cut into four, with each person receiving a quarter. But, in contrast to the individual slices of pizza, each piece of donut has bit of the jelly stuck to the corners.  

 Because the Jelly is the central point of the donut.

There are different ways of using our unique Jewish lives. 

One way is to act, dress, speak and think just like our non Jewish coworkers, although of course remembering to throw in some prayers and maybe even bentch, (while pretending to speak on the phone), where each slice of pizza is individual and disconnected.

Or, we can act, speak, dress, feel, think, and walk like a Jew no matter where we work, where we go, or what we do. 

Every word in our conversations will be refined, every activity will be one of dignity. Each action will have a little bit of the jelly at the tip. Every step we take will be guided by the Torah. 

 Judaism is not a religion. It's a way of life. We walk with it.

This does not contradict having fun.

This means having fun and getting pleasure out of life, while feeling fulfilled and content, instead of fun that leaves one feeling empty and perhaps, even guilty. 

This is what we need to fill our holes with in order to have true happiness and inner peace. A life of understanding and appreciating the value of Torah, bringing it into our lives, and making it part and parcel of who we are.

 

BRING ON THE JELLY!

 

I wrote this little poem that I frequently chant to myself. It´s easy to commit to memory, and has so many different ways of  being interpreted. Choose your own.

 

As you go thru life,

No matter your goal

Keep your eyes on the donut,

And not on the hole.

Have a great shabbos!

Identity vs. Integrity

The parsha this week speaks about the migadef, the boy who cursed G-d. What caused this child to have to express himself in such an extreme way, by cursing Hashem?
 
The boy was born to a Jewish mother and an Egyptian father. The process of determining which tribe a person belonged to was simple; each child became an automatic member of his fathers' tribe. The customs and tribal privileges of the father were passed down to the son. 
In the case of the megadef, his father was Egyptian and therefore he had no tribe.
 
He didn´t belong.
 
This child had a real identity crises. His mother was raising him to be a good Jewish little boy, sending him to Jewish day schools, lighting an electric menorah, eating matzah at the seder table (which they video taped to show the grandchildren)... but yet, he belonged to no tribe, and therefore belonged nowhere.
 
This can be extremely frustrating for a child. This case is way too common in the Western world today. Majority of intermarried couples think they're giving their child an extra privilege by allowing them the opportunity to pick their own religion, but in reality the child is confused, frustrated, and even angry at their parents for putting them in such a messed up situation. Sometimes, while choosing one religion over the other, they subconsciously even pick one parent over the other.
 
A 17 year old girl came to speak with me a little while ago. Her father is Jewish, her mother's not. She decided she wants to be Jewish, so she spoke to a few people, and believing her sincerity, they sent her to me to see if I can help her.
After questioning her a bit, and broaching various topics, I decided that this girl was not sincere and was not determined to be shomeret Torah Umitzvot.
 
So what was her motive? 
She had no identity! She felt awkward with her non Jewish friends, and she felt out of place with her Jewish friends. She wants to marry  Jewish because they ¨make the best husbands¨, but most Jewish boys will turn her down if she doesn't convert. I hope.

People need an identity. This juvenile curser, who actually went public and cursed God, did so out of the pain of being an outsider and not belonging.
 
Truthfully, we ALL need to belong in one way or another. It's healthy for us to have some sort of identity.
 
After one of my babies were born, I went for a couple of days to "bait hachlama", a convalescent home, to be pampered and spoiled until it was time to go home and face the reality waiting for me.
 
One day, as normal days go at the bait hachlama, all the women were sitting around together taking care of their newborns´ needs. I sat back observing the scene.
 
Every woman looked the same. They wore long, over-sized various colored robes, one or another type of snood perched on their heads, comfortable slippers on their feet, and makeup-less faces. Everyone was feeding babies and changing diapers round the clock.
 
My spectating stopped as the women began an interesting conversation. One busy mother started speaking about the exploding pile of sewing she has waiting for her upon her arrival home. Apparently, she´s a seamstress. Another woman commented that she has days worth of tests to mark; clearly she's a teacher.
 
The next one spoke about a children´s book she's writing, when another woman interrupted her, proudly describing the one-of-a-kind cakes she sells.  And on and on the conversation went...each woman feeling a great need  to prove to the others that she's more than she appeared to look at that moment. Each woman had an identity that she was proud of and she wanted the others to see her as that identity. 
 
I laughed to myself, finding the discussion quite humorous. 
The only thing I was anticipating doing when I got home, was curling up on the couch with a bag of potato chips and watching old TV reruns. I just had a baby! If not now, then when?
 
But in retrospect, I learned something important.
 
It's a normal, healthy need to want recognition for who you are. Because once you develop a  reputation for yourself, you always have to live up to that name. For the good, and for the better. Hence the importance of focusing on our positive aspects and creating a positive identity for ourselves.
 
HOWEVER.
 
To be dependent on a personal identity can lead us into the danger zone. Our window into another person´s world is usually by what they do. If you are a lawyer, that would become your identity in others´eyes.
The way we learn about other people, really, is through their speech and actions. If you want people to get to know you better, you need to allow them to get to know who you really are. The need to reveal your deeper self is not necessarily important, or good. In fact, having a secret place in your heart, an inner life that isn´t judged or exposed to other people, is a precious thing.
 
What happens if one day your identity is taken away from you? You can longer perform in the way you have been performing. Or, if you move somewhere where your identity is no longer recognized, or needed.
How can we go on with life without it?
 
There is an identity that is unique and specific to each individual person. The only way to develop that is by asking ourselves, ¨Who should I be at this moment in time in terms of Hashem´s Will for me? How can I bring light into the specific places that Hashem placed me in?¨
 
Yes, I need to develop my positive traits and use the talents I was given, but, I need to do them, not on my own terms, but on Hashem´s terms. And the only opinion of me that matters, is His.
 
If I´m dependent on my identity rather than on my integrity, I might be in for a very rude awakening when my identity dies before I do.
 
So, belonging somewhere is important, and creating a name for myself is important, but it´s not my goal. My goal is to do what I have to do and be who I have to be, even if no one knows about it but me and God.

"We were all born so different and unique; what a shame we spend our lives trying to be like everyone else"
 
Have a great shabbos!