Me, Myself, and I

As the journey through the desert continues, the Jews were encouraged to donate some of their valuables as a contribution to the building of the mishkan. 

But, they were told only to give if they sincerely wanted to.

"Kol nediv libo, yivieha es trumas Hashem= everyone with a generous  heart, will bring the donations to Hashem".  

The Torah is teaching us about the righteous trait of 'giving'.

In the moving poem of  Eishes Chayil,  written by Shlomo Hamelech , he explains that there are two types of giving.

"Kapah parsah l'ani, v'yadeha shilcha l'evyon", She stretches out her palm to the poor person, and she reaches out her hands to the destitute.

#1- She stretches her palm to the ani. An ani is a poor or struggling person that needs some support to get him on his feet again.

#2- She reaches out her hands to the evyon. An evyon is someone who lacks everything and needs a lot of help.

So, to the ani, the one who needs even minimal aid, she gives with her palm- a small amount, in a dignified manner, since that's what he requires.

But, to the evyon, she gives with both hands, since he requires a whole lot more.

Now, the giving that we're speaking of, is in no way limited to just financial necessity. We could be acquainted with people who are needy in other areas, too.  

Someone can be going through a difficult time and need our emotional support. Or, someone may not be feeling well and in need some physical assistance.

This is quite a difficult principle that Shlomo Hamelech is asking us to strive toward. To be able to determine exactly who needs what, in order to give to them accordingly, is not simple. It takes a lot of careful planning and thinking. Especially, since giving can easily turn into taking when used improperly.  

When we reach out and give to someone, we must be conscious to give them what they need, and not to give just to fill our emotional need to give.

When I was a teenager, I knew someone who was very insecure. Her self esteem was in the land down under. Obviously, she gave an impression of omnipotence and snobbishness, but it was all a facade. She had no idea how to love or how to be loved, and no one really liked her, they just appeared to, out of fear of her. Now, this girl came from a very wealthy home where she lacked exactly nothing.  Her parents gave and gave and gave- more than she could even hold. Since they had an emotional need to give, they stocked her up in material and physical... but never once did she get a hug, or hear the words "I love you". Never once has she had any reason to trust anyone or feel secure anywhere.

  Her emotional needs weren't dealt with, which resulted in her growing up being very needy. 

Though it saddens me, it was no surprise when I learned about all the poor decisions she has made in her life, and the tremendous suffering she is continuously experiencing. Her life turned out to be one that is the envy of absolutely nobody.

 

Why is it such a difficult challenge to give sincerely, as the possuk says, 'from his heart', based on peoples´ needs?

Because true giving requires us to do something that's very hard for the people of our generation. We have to have reached a significant level of selflessness, demanding of us to involve ourselves with others. The overwhelming majority of the population today is so self absorbed and preoccupied with themselves. When we're so self involved, we really don't have much time, or much room, for anyone else. 

Every magazine I see (at the doctor´s office, of course) has a whole section called "ME Time". It's all about how to get rid of your kids and husband for a few hours, and to close off your ears to the world, and focus on ME. Sounds pretty boring to extroverted me, actually.

I remember, when I went to study in Israel for a year after high school, there was a food called "Bislach", and another called "Beigelach", and yet another called "Mitzlach". Four years later when I married and went back to live there, the names of those foods have been changed! They became "Bisli...Mitzli...kefli..." Even the food went from lach= you, to li= me. 

Hmmm...You are what you eat, much?

Ever meet someone who seemed really inconsiderate? Thoughtless? 

Well, some people might think that about us after we leave their presence, too. That's because the person isn't necessarily bad or mean, just sometimes we're so self absorbed, and so focused on ourselves, we don't give enough thought about others. When someone's in pain, and it doesn't bother you at all, it's because we're so cut off from others, and so concerned with what I want. My feelings.

Ok. Have I got a story for you. It's 100% authentic, brought to you by an eyewitness.

The setting was a busy Sunday afternoon on 13th Ave in Brooklyn, New York. There was a man sitting in his car, double parked slightly behind a car that was about to vacate a spot. Another car suddenly pulled up and double parked slightly in front of it, to try and get the spot from the front angle. Picture the scene. We have a car legally parked, trying to pull out of his spot. Two cars sit there- one by his front, the other by his back, each one so focused on getting his spot, but oblivious to the fact that they're completely blocking him in. The drivers of the two cars are yelling back and forth at each other, calling out words I can't repeat to you, while the poor man is sitting in car, unable to move from his place, watching the scene. Twenty minutes went by. Yes, twenty minutes. 

(Why was I still standing there watching this?)

 Finally, the driver of the car wishing to emerge, got out of his car, put another two quarters in the meter, and announced that he may as well do some more shopping, since he's unable to budge anyway. And he walked off, leaving the two selfish statues howling away. 

In. Your. Face.

Having such a large ME interferes with many aspects of our lives. It can get in the way of our relationship with G-d, and with others.

1. Bein adam laMakom, and 2. Bein adam lachaveiro. How?

1. Proper avodas Hashem, service of G-d, is putting His will before mine. When someone´s ME is so big, there becomes a major conflict between me and Him.

2. Self absorption and egocentric ism don't allow us to focus on the needs of another, as we explained above.

By the way, have you ever had a good friend that got married? So what happened two months later when she invited you over to look at her wedding pictures? You flipped through them, glancing quickly at each one,  focusing carefully, and looking for....ME!  Where am I? How did I come out? Oh- kallah? What kallah? I'm busy looking for me.

If we just move the ME over a little bit and make room to focus on the needs of others, we'll be able to give properly. 

And, also, if we really are just worried about ourselves in the end, by giving to others, there's so much personal benefit too, as we will feel so good about our actions.

 A pessimist, they say, sees a glass of water as being half empty. 
An optimist sees the same glass as half full. 
I say, Yay! More room for vodka!
But, a giving person sees a glass of water and starts looking for someone who might be thirsty.

Have a beautiful shabbos.

Hi, How Are you?

A thought occurred to me while riding in one of those little, always memorable white taxis in Israel. I got in, and after the regular negotiations, asked my chauffeur how he was doing that day. "Baruch Hashem" was the bare headed, jewelry clad driver´s answer. Very impressed with his acknowledgment of G-d's presence, although otherwise not obvious, I sat back to enjoy my ride. It was then that my eyes shifted from his glow- in- the- dark head to observe the interior decorations of his car, when I noticed my driver´s name on a small plaque behind his seat. Mohammad Abdul Jarid Sachid Ben Allah.  Uh, did he just tell me he was doing "Baruch Hashem" fine today?

It was then that I came to the realization that the term "Baruch Hashem" had become part of the Dictionary Of Slang. There wasn't any deep, inspirational meaning in it- it just rolled off peoples tongues. I don't think I'm referring  only to Arabs or secular Jews. I, a Torah observant Jewess, am probably also guilty of using these words carelessly and without meaning.

The first person in History to declare "Baruch Hashem" was the hero of this weeks Parsha -its namesake, Yisro. His declaration was due to the overwhelming awareness of the greatness of his Creator, after witnessing the tremendous revelation of G-d miraculously splitting the sea. He proclaimed those words of appreciation and love with a feeling of amazement and inspiration. They emerged from deep inside his heart.

I once heard a nice analogy from Rabbi Avi Shulman, that can apply pretty accurately to our topic. [I am not quoting directly.]

Say there's a fly on your dining room table that's really annoying you, and you decide to get rid of it. What are your options of doing so?

You can either roll up a newspaper and whack it, or you can take a hard covered book and smash it, or you can invade the tool box, remove a sledgehammer, and pound it to death. As a last resort, you can take your trusty fly swatter from Walmart and swat it. In each of these cases, if you hit the fly (fat chance), you'll certainly kill it.

The difference between all four methods is not what happens to the fly, but what happens to its surroundings. With the newspaper approach, there´s a risk of breaking a crystal vase. The book will cause the glass cups to topple and shatter, the sledgehammer will scratch and then break the table. I think we all agree that the fly swatter will do the job best without causing unnecessary damage to anything else. I guess that´s why it´s called a fly swatter.

We've been brainwashed by Western culture that bigger is always better. If you could afford something, buy it. If you can't afford it, buy it `anyway.

A larger house, a louder mouth, bigger accessories, a higher paycheck… and the more 'toys' I have, the better. The truth is, though, that this philosophy is misguided. Is bigger really always better?

Yes, in a fight, if the two opponents are of equal ability, the odds are in the favor of the bigger fighter.

But how bout when it comes to an electricity bill? A pimple? A stomach? Feet? A kidney stone? Credit card debt?

No, bigger is not always better.

Often, throughout life, we'll find that less is more effective, or better for you.

For example, french fries.  Makeup.  Criticism. 

Most of the time less is better, and therefore less becomes more.

I have a friend who has nine lives. No, I don't generally befriend cats. But this human being seems to have died so many times, yet every time I see her, her pulse is beating, and she's definitely alive. How could I think she's died again and again?

Because anytime she sees something she wants, she's 'dying' for it.

She 'dies' of laughter, so I try not to ever tickle her.

Her mother was 'gonna kill her' a few times- dunno what happened with that, though.

Oh, also, one time she was 'dying of starvation', since she only ate breakfast that day.

 I lost count how many times she 'froze to death'. Once, she suffered a really unpleasant way to go. She was feeling so hot, she started 'boiling'. So I added spaghetti to her and had some lunch. Poor girl.

Sometimes we use very strong words to express a minor discomfort, thereby increasing the level of discomfort. That happens because our minds hear every word we say and they instruct our bodies to act accordingly.

If we were to express ourselves using words like unpleasant instead of terrible, or uncomfortable instead of awful, or it's annoying instead of it's driving me insane!!,  we would be able to live with more comfort and enjoyment. We actually have the power to reduce the level of the negative feeling.

We can teach our bodies how to feel and how to respond, based on the words we use.

Here in Mexico, when you visit someone in their home and compliment them on it, there´s a common response used by each host: Mi casa es tu casa. My home is your home. Whenever I hear that, I ask for my copy of the key.
When someone receives a compliment on a piece of clothing, instead of saying thank you, the response here is, ¨you can have it whenever you want¨. 100% of the time, I shock people when I say, ¨ok, can I pick it up tomorrow?¨

If you didn´t mean it, why did you say it?

A few years ago, I met someone at my central hangout- the supermarket, and after greeting her, she asked me "Hi, how are you?" Well, I was about to tell her how I was, but I would've been talking to the ketchup bottles, because, um, after I blinked once, she wasn't there anymore.

Do me a favor, please. When you ask me how I'm doing just because it's protocol, or because it habitually rolls off our tongue, it really isn't fair, because I might think you sincerely care about how I'm doing, and I might try to tell you.

 It happened once, that someone actually waited after asking me how I am, so I started telling her about my day... I must tell you, that woman stood still as a statue, her eyeballs dry and wide, and she had absolutely no idea how to respond to me. She never expected me to answer the question she had just asked me. 

How many of us go to the mall and literally fall in love with the clothing there? I loooooove this skirt!

Do u realize we´re loving inanimate objects?! We love our shoes. We love our wigs. We love our lipstick. Shouldn´t we only love beings who can love us back? Love is a powerful word that can get lost on a one way street.

Same thing goes for hatred. It's a word that should be exclusive for Nazi's and radical Islam. Hatred shouldn't be wasted on your feelings toward a certain song, or on the taste of last night's chicken, or on a friend who didn´t text you back.

More dramatic words don't do a better job. The opposite might be true. Sweeping words, and having the attitude of 'they're just words, gosh!', can cause disastrous damage, like using a sledgehammer on the glass table.

When Yisro proclaimed his heartfelt "Baruch Hashem", there was no doubt as to the level of his sincerity.

 Words have to be thought out before spoken, and used appropriately, in order to receive the best results.

 "There are two kinds of people who don't say much; those who are quiet, and those who talk a lot".

Have a beautiful shabbos.

Of Birthdays And Maids

The only thing faster than the speed of light is a girl untagging herself in a photo she was tagged in on facebook. Is it just me, or do you also stop breathing when you receive a notification, ¨___ has tagged a photo of you¨ ?
 
One of the advantages, as well as one of the disadvantages of living in the WWW era is that news spreads faster than it even happens.
Back in the days of the Jews in Egypt and the desert, spreading the word about something took at least a few days, maybe even weeks.
 But not this one event. The famous act of God´s splitting of the sea was an event that was so huge, and so miraculous, that somehow it was heard about all over the world.
 
Chazal said about it, ¨raata shifcha al hayam ma shelo raah Yechezkel ben Buzi¨ ¨A maidservant saw things that even Yechezkel ben Buzi (one of the greatest prophets) didn´t see¨
The tremendous miracle that took place on that shore, was the absolute greatest revelation of God´s name that has ever been experienced. Yet, after bearing witness to such holiness and greatness, chazal still refer to her as a maidservant? If she experienced greater spiritual activity that one of the world´s greatest prophets, wouldn´t we expect her to have graduated from the level of ´maidservant´?
 
That´s exactly the problem. She saw everything. The open miracles, the revelations, the omnipotence of God, and His ultimate power. And yet, she remained, same ol´ Maria the maid. It made no impression on her at all.
 
Everything that happens in our lives, whether big, medium, or small happenings, we experience them for one reason only: To learn from them. To grow. To change. Everything we go through is suppossed to make an impression on us and cause us to introspect and improve.
Everything. From a broken traffic light, to your mother in law, to a bloody nose. From finding a parking spot, to almost crashing into a tree, to reading something inspiring. They´re all there to teach us. To help us improve.
This shabbos is not only Shabbos shira, named for the kumzitz that took place when they crossed the sea, but it´s also Tu B´Shvat! The birthday, and judgement day, of the trees.
 
¨Ki Haadam etz hasadeh¨
Man is compared to a tree.
Why? Because it takes him forever to grow up.
Just kidding.
We're compared to trees because the growth process is the same.
4 steps to the growth of a tree:
1. External inspiration.
It needs the rain to get things started.
2. It internalizes the rain and begins to advance on its own.
3. The sap begins to rise. It feels a big change as it actually becomes a tree.
4. The leaves, flowers, and fruits blossom and bloom.
4 steps to the growth of man:
1. External inspiration.
We need to grab onto something that inspires us!
2. We MUST internalize the inspiration and take positive actions.
3. We feel an obvious change as we begin to grow in character and maturity.
4. We actually begin to blossom and bloom, and become the person we know we can be.
Maria did not take advantage of what had transpired around her. She did not see it as inspiration, and certainly didnt internalize it. Therefore, she was born a maid, and died a maid.
Let´s learn from the trees and grab at inspiration. We can be inspired by even the mundane. There´s so much to learn from even the regular things that happen throughout the day.
 
Now, I´m off to buy a birthday present. Gosh, it´s so hard to shop for trees.

Have a beautiful shabbos and a happy Tu B´Shvat!

Free Willy

If anyone thinks that God doesn´t have a sense of humor, they have never read the story of  the 10 plagues in Mitzraim. It´s downright hilarious. 
From blood slurpees to frog muffins, from lion pedestrians to grasshopper traffic, I have no doubt that the famous internet curse ¨I hope you step on a lego!¨ was inspired by the plague of darkness.
 
One person who certainly failed to see the humor in this comedy show, was the brunt of the jokes, King Paroh. God has given him endless opportunities to regret his decisions and to repent for his evil and abusive ways. But each time, despite his suffering and discomfort, he proved that he had no such intentions.
 
At a certain point, Hashem decides to ¨harden Paroh´s heart¨. This gesture begs an explanation. As if his heart wasn´t hard enough on its own? And, what about his free will? If God toughens his heart and makes it harder for him to regret and repent, his free will was just removed from him, and he can´t be blamed for his decisions!
 
Free Will, Bechira, is a gift that a human being receives upon entering this world. It  allows us  the liberty to make choices.
Dying my hair in neon yellow and purple stripes does not describe me as an independent thinker. It defines me as being terribly dependent on my reputation. However, it does define the concept of Free Will.
Only through concrete actions, do we form our character and realize our potential. Many of us fantasize for instance about being confronted with an overwhelming temptation and yet heroically resisting and remaining true to our principles. Such fantasies may, at least reflect our good intentions and for that there may be some reward. However, we do not develop our character by fantasizing.

Only through choosing to act in a particular fashion, is character formed.

Human beings are complex bundles of conflicting desires. Often, we find ourselves torn between those conflicting desires, and we are forced to choose between them.
 
Those choices define who we are.
 
The Gemora teaches us an encouraging idea.  "Baderech she-adam rotze leilech molichim oto"   "in the way that a man wishes to go, in that way they lead him"
This is encouraging because many times we do need the help. We stand in the front lines of our daily battles, struggling with choices, facing a conflict of wills. Every time we choose right over wrong; every time we choose NOT to eat that extra piece of chocolate (never happened to me yet), every time we choose NOT to share that piece of gossip, every time we choose to be constructive and not destructive, we´re proving a point. 
We´re showing God in which direction we´re headed, who we really want to be. So He takes us by the hand and helps us cross the threshold.
Now, a Fair and Just God would have to treat every person equally. Therefore, if someone consistently chooses wrong over right, they would qualify for Divine assistance, as well.
Paroh has proven exactly who he was and where he´s headed. He has made some pretty consistent decisions, with evil winning each time. By hardening his heart, Hashem was just allowing him to live with the choices he´s made.
This, to me, is a fascinating lesson, which I intend to make full use of. Is there a better hand to hold than God´s? I just need to make sure my GPS is working so Ill know in which direction to lead.
 
My GPS of course, is my God Positioning System.
 
Have a beautiful shabbos.

I´m Never Eating Chocolate Again. Ever.

We're up to a child's favorite parsha.

 Blood, frogs, lions, dead animals... c'mon this is a school teachers dream week. She has full attendance and participation, no doubt, and she gets to jump around the room croaking and roaring, praying that no parent decides to make a surprise visit during this high energy week. 

This week, the Torah discusses seven of the famous ten plagues which G-d sent upon the Egyptians for the well known reason of persuading Paraoh to release the Jewish people from their bondage.

Rashi teaches that it was also to create an awareness of G-d in the Mitzrim, something which they were lacking.

Well, do you think the plan worked? Were Paraoh and the Egyptians afraid enough of the makot, plagues, to let the Jews free?

To find out, you'll have to tune in next week for the next episode of Skull caps and Mummies.

Meanwhile, let's look into the possuk  to see what's goin on.  Apparently Paraoh was suffering tremendously during each plague. He was practically crawling out of his skin (along with his lice buddies) in pain and discomfort. But then, suddenly, the possuk  writes that PARAOH SAW THAT THERE HAD BEEN A RELIEF...that Hashem had stopped the plagues. ...HE DIDNT HEED THEM...

As soon as the pain of the makot stopped, all of the discomfort associated with them disappeared as well. As soon as he was relieved from his horrors, he completely forgot about all his suffering.

Usually, when a person is in a situation that causes him pain or just unpleasantness, he makes a secret vow never to allow himself to enter into that kind of circumstance again.

I know someone who declared she's never giving birth to another child. Well, she made the same declaration 8 times.

Did you ever decide you're not touching one more chocolate bar, only to find yourself getting mileage on your credit card from Hershey's? Thank goodness for 'bli neder'. 

I think we're all on the same page over here.

Why does this happen?

 Because as time passes, the once painful experience turns into a distant memory. When the actual pain or discomfort is no longer felt, we lose the clarity of the physical feeling or emotion.  

Many times while suffering with something, we make promises and commitments of sorts, and most usually they are pretty short lived. Because as soon as the pain is no longer present, we return to our old, usually negative ways, pretty fast.

The best way to make sure we don't repeat the negative behaviors that we promised not to do, would be to stop and think right before we repeat the act. The next time I want to down my third bag of Hot Tamale chips in a row, I gotta remember how the last time I did that they came back up to visit and kept me company the whole night in the water closet. That might serve as an incentive to stay away from making the same mistake.

 Ok, I´ll shift away from the negative for now, since I have this problem in the positive too.

Have any of you ever gone to a really good shiur, say, on the topic of shmirat halashon- guarding your tongue? You probably left the speech all inspired, and declared "I'm NEVER speaking loshon horah again!!"  Now, tell me... how long did that vow last? You don't have to tell me, cuz I made the same resolution.  

What's the secret to getting inspired and remaining inspired, and to actually grow from the inspiration?

The prerequisite would be to know how to align our emotions.  We must be in touch with our feelings. Any time something happens, for the good or the better, be aware of how that makes you feel. Angry, happy, sad, grateful, inspired... the list is endless.

Once you know how you feel about something, only then can you decide where to store that emotion.

Dovid Hamelech had quite an emotional life. Each and every thing he experienced, for the good or the better, became a perek of Tehilim, each expressing a different emotion.

A few parshiot ago, when Yaakov went down to Mitzraim to meet his son, Yosef, that was a moment full of inspiration for Yaakov. He wanted to grab it and hold onto that moment forever. But, inspiration comes and goes.

So what did he do? He recited kriat sh'ma. But why? Surely he already prayed that day, and I really don't think he was on his way to bed... so what was that all about?

Because Yaakov realized that if he wants to always hold on to the inspiration, he has to do something to make it everlasting. So he reacted by doing a mitzvah which is eternal.

If someone extended themselves on your behalf and you experience a feeling of gratitude, do something about it. That's the perfect opportunity to buy them a nice gift, to write a thank you card, do something positive that will help you hold on to your positive emotion. (Btw, if you need a personalized letter or poem, contact Penpoint facebook page for original and unique writing. They´re the best! Tell them I sent you. Or just message me...cuz I´m the owner :)).

Ever go sailing in a sailboat? It's actually  more fun than a motorboat. Here's how it works. If the sails are facing the wind, the boat will sail along nicely. As soon as you take the sails and turn them away from the wind, the boat will stand stationary in the ocean.

That is how it is with our emotions. If we turn to them and relate to them, we'll sail along beautifully. However, if we decide to turn ourselves away from them, and ignore them, we won't budge. And, if it stays there long enough, through rainstorms and heavy winds, it just might end up sinking.

Hold onto your inspiration- don't let it slip through your fingertips... Decide to take a positive step. Do something to make it last. Forever. 

"Happiness is... good health, and a bad memory"

Have a great shabbos!

It´s Not WHAT You Do, But HOW You Do It

As the exciting story of Yosef in Mitzraim continues to unfold, we're brought to a very emotional scene. Yaakov comes down to visit Yosef after not seeing his precious son for 22 years. The background music begins to play softly, building up to a dramatic climax, where father and son walk toward each other, hearts pounding with excitement. 

Suddenly, the possuk tells us something, which gives us brand new insight to the meaning of the script. It says, VAYEIRAH EILAV... HE APPEARED BEFORE HIM. Whoa! We are blown away with the wording. 

Yosef wasn't going to see his father, but to be seen by him. 

Although Yosef was aching to reunite with his loving father, he was able to put his powerful emotions on hold, in order to be able to do this mitzvah of giving pleasure to his father, without ulterior motives. This is the concept of L'sheim shamayim, acting in the name of G-d, in its truest form.

Doing things L'sheim shamayim, for the sake of God, is a consistent theme throughout the life of Yosef.
After he met his brothers, he made the oddest demand a leader has ever commanded of his people, not including the 16 oz soda ban; he instructed everyone in Egypt to pack up their lives and move to different cities. Simple as that. 

Imagine if President Obama got up and announced that on January 14, 2013, everyone in LA will have to switch places with all the people in NY. How many of us will actually be having our mail forwarded? Would you listen to this senseless command?

But wait. Yosef wasn't finished with his strange new laws. Not yet. Not until each member of the male gender received a bris milah. Forget it, Mr. President- don't even go there.

But you know what? Everyone went along with this. Without a hafgana, no protest, no demonstration, no orange ribbons or bracelets... they got up and obeyed his commands.

So... what was his trick? Why did everyone listen to him?

Because they all knew, without a doubt, that everything he was doing was l'sheim shamayim. 
Because it always was. It was clear to everyone that nothing he did was for his own benefit or need.

When we do things l'sheim shamayim, and with sincerity, people realize the holiness and G-dliness in what we're doing. They sense the altruism of our actions. When we behave without selfishness, and without the need for attention or self gratification, there's a certain siyata dishmaya we receive which makes people admire and respect us for what we've done, and hopefully, a desire to follow our lead. That's why doing things for the right reasons is a guarantee for lifetime success.

I live in a community that is not yet fully in touch with its Jewish identity. Many times I feel uncomfortable, and even out of place, by often looking and behaving differently than many of my neighbors and associates, since G-d's Torah commands me to do so. Incredibly, though, after attending meetings or parties in non kosher homes and being consistent with the laws of kashrut, and being consistent with not dancing at mixed weddings, and being consistent by being different on many different levels, in various occasions, many people have  expressed admiration and respect at my family's sincerity and strict, uncompromisable adherence to what we believe is correct. 
 Actions that are done l'sheim shomayim, for the sake of heaven, can only be viewed positively, and will hopefully make a proper kiddush Hashem.

Wherever Yosef went people commented KI HASHEM IMO...HASHEM IS WITH HIM. It became a pattern, and everyone realized. Why was Hashem always with him? Because he was with Hashem. He was always focused on doing what He, with a capital H wanted. He didn't go out to see Yaakov for his own best interest, he withheld his own emotions in order to fill his whole being with what Hashem wanted.

It's not the actions that count as much as the motivation behind them.
 A musician who plays at weddings and other affairs for parnassah, livelihood, can have two different motivations, followed by two different results. 

 Either he can get up and go to his next wedding to play music, since this is his job, or, he can attend the next wedding with the intentions of being mikayem the mitzvah of being misameach chosson v'kallah, bringing joy to a bride and groom. The job is the same. The hours are the same. The paycheck is the same. But- the motivation is different, and therefore, the reward is different, and, most importantly, the person becomes different.

The difficulty in acting altruistically is the lack public recognition. But that same public actually works in a funny way. They have x-ray vision. They can see right through ulterior motives. We listen to and learn from people who are sincere, but fakers, or insincerity don´t stand a chance.
  
The irony of it all, is that by chasing after honor, the honor escapes...but by not pursuing honor, it actually follows and accompanies you. It practically stalks you.

Here´s to doing the the right things for the right reasons!

¨To be God's servant, you have to be your own master.¨

Have a great shabbos!

Greek Olympics

The disease of Chanuka is Competition. I´m only good if I´m better than you.
 
The Greeks were the founders of the Olympics. Their philosophy was that a person is only worth something in comparison to someone else. Life is all about competing and winning.
 
Looking the best, acting the best, being the fastest, the smartest, the prettiest. That´s all that matters.
 
The Parsha tells us that Yosef had chen, charm. He had a unique form of beauty and attraction that stood out. Yosef was also the only person that the Torah has ever referred to as a tzaddik. This is because he lived alone in Egypt, with no one to compare himself to. He was just, well, Yosef.
 
Humankind often projects women with flawless skin, big eyes, full lips, small nose, pure white teeth, smooth and shiny hair, curvy body, wearing size 0 designer clothes, and they portray them as being happy because of those qualities and possessions.
They portray men as tall, with smooth skin, six packs, perfectly square jaws, with any woman at their disposal, quite literally at their disposal, stepping into their luxury car of choice,  and they define that that is what makes a man happy.
 
Society is extremely successful in being able to brainwash people into believing they should look a certain way, act a certain way, or be a certain someone, when in reality every single one of us is diferent. People are born to be different; no two of us are the same. We have different mindsets, different personalities, different emotional makeups, different intellectual capacities, different needs, different desires, different backgrounds, different strengths and weaknesses, different opinions, and different experiences. Even identical twins are different from one another.
There´s only one way in which we´re all the same: We´re all flawed human beings. We have defects and flaws that were given to us to improve and perfect them, in order to help us each fulfill our own individual missions in life.

Society likes to categorize people, with the intention of causing us to believe that we have fewer rights to be happy because we do not fit into the idealistic lifestyle. This is the reason that so many men and women hide away from society, and grow up thinking that there´s something wrong with them. This is also why a disproportionate amount of men and women carry the number of their local plastic surgeons in their back pockets.
Comparing ourselves to others is a sure way to knock our self esteems down to the ground, trample on them, and hose them down the drain.
 
There will always be those who are ´better´than us, and those who are ´worse´than us. Denying this, and trying to live the life of the subject of our envy,  will cause us to start wishing we were different people, causing thoughts of worthlessness and hopelessness.
 
Here´s the main problem I see evolving from this. By trying to parallel or match another person, I still come up short of being them, but at the same time I´m coming up short of being ME. I´m not living their life, and I´m not living my life. So, am I even living? Breathing doesn´t mean I´m living. It means I´m alive. There´s an entire world of difference between being alive, and actually living.
 
Weighing ourselves against another, takes us nowhere, wastes a lot of time and energy, and puts us in an emotionally and psychologically awful place. As Albert Einstein so wisely quoted, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
 
Contrary to  Greek ideology, Judaism teaches that the result of something is not what´s important, but rather the effort and motivation put into the act.  Pirkei avos explains: ¨L´fum tzaara agra¨ The harder the effort, the greater the reward.
A parent  who´s interested in teaching their child to be confident and healthy, will never tell them ¨I´m proud of you because you´re the best in your class¨, but rather, they´ll tell them ¨I´m proud of you because you really tried your best¨.
 
We all have intrinsic value as individuals. We´re not only good just in comparison to others.
The proof of this is another lesson from our sages: ¨Lo Alecha Hamelacha Ligmor¨, It´s not up to you to finish the task. What is up to me is to start it, and to give it my absolute best.
 
The Miracle of Chanuka is not just that we were a tiny army who won over a much more powerful one. It was an internal war that we won. It was a battle of  confidence and assurance. The Greeks tried to remove everything we stood for; everything that made us unique:
 
Shabbos, kashrus, bris milah, limud Torah, and rosh Chodesh.
 
These are five Mitzvos that are absolutely unique to the Jewish people. To replace these spiritual activities, they tried enticing us with their external enterprises fueled by competition and vanity.  But we didn´t fall for it! We stood up to fight! We fought against a life of externality! We fought against a life of competition! We fought against a life of emptiness!
 
And we won.
 
So when we celebrate Chanuka, we´re embracing our uniqueness. We´re recognizing our individuality and accepting the essence of who we are.
 
It´s no coincidence that the main character of the parsha this week is Yosef, who had reached spiritual perfection, being the solitary person to earn the title tzaddik. He achieved that by having no one to compare himself to, and therefore being able to use his own potential by being true to himself.
 
Chanuka means that the only person I need to be better than, is the person I was yesterday.

Have a beautiful shabbos, a happy Chanuka, and a chodesh tov!