A Fourteen Year Engagement

Yaakov waited seven years to marry Rachel. And then another seven years. That's fourteen years. 

How much research did he need to do already?

And then,  Rashi goes and says that all those fourteen years were like ¨yamim achadim¨, just a few days.

One second. If you were waiting desperately to marry the love of your life, marking off each day in your custom made seven year calendar with a glow-in-the-dark marker so you can count them while lying sleeplessly in bed at night, would it really feel like "just a few days"? Maybe just a few centuries?

 How could it be possible that all those years felt to Yaakov like yamim achadim?

There were two different parts of the process:

1. Seven years of waiting.

2. Seven years of working.

The waiting part, no doubt was extremely difficult. The working part was practically effortless since the payment was so well worth it.

If you have the means to give someone $10 million, then $1 million seems like nothing.

To Yaakov, Rachel was worth so much that he'd do anything to get her.

In Eishes Chayil, Shlomo Hamelech describes the virtuous woman. One aspect of her idealism is stated in the fourth possuk: Darsha tzemer ufishtim, vataas b´cheifetz kapeha. Focusing on the second half of the verse, which is the part that's appropriate for our discussion, it translates, ¨she works willingly with her hands¨.

As long as her work gets done, who really cares whether it's done willingly or not?

Didn't your mother ever tell you "Do it with a smile, or don't do it at all!?¨

Technically, she does have an option. She can do her work unwillingly. Most of us get through the day doing mundane tasks without much enthusiasm. But, we do what's required in fear of the consequence of not doing it.

What happens if my always perfect, spotless, OCD neighbor comes over and sees I have Mount Everest growing out of my fleishig sink? And when she sees yesterday´s peanut butter sandwich face down on the floor...under her shoe? And suddenly, the stench of a soiled diaper wafting through the air nearly knocks her down onto the pile of laundry still waiting to be folded... How would this make me feel (theoretically, of course)? 

Embarrassed.

And if an employee has a certain quota to fill by 5:00, regardless of his rapport with his boss, and whether or not he likes his work, if he wants to keep his job (and consequentially, his wife) he better finish that pile.

So, most of the time, we tend to our demanding, mundane activities without much desire or enthusiasm, in order to avoid facing the consequences of not doing them.

The Gra speaks about the unhappiness of a person who doesn´t enjoy the process leading to his goal. 

He´s right.

A few years ago, I decided to pursue my long awaited dream of playing the piano. So, while very busy with my family, home, work, and countless other projects, I added piano lessons to my agenda. My only available time slot to practice, tho, was at 2 am, after a long, hard day. I dreaded those practices. Sometimes I would even clean the fridge rather than practice.

It was such torture. I just wanted to be Beethoven already. I dreamed of my long, silky fingers flying effortlessly along the majors and minors, producing gorgeous, melodious compositions. But, I didn´t wanna practice. I despised it. 

So....I quit.

In order to reach a goal, a process is required. If it's done with enthusiasm and enjoyment, life is more enjoyable for the player, as well as for all the other participants that surround him.

I have learned an important lesson in life:

If you focus on the effort, you will hardly notice the pleasure, but if you focus on the pleasure you will hardly notice the effort.

Yaakov could've dreaded those years. He could've been miserable. He could´ve been a total downer, causing his misery to influence anyone in his vicinity. But, he did not care for the impending consequences he knew would follow, so he decided to channel his concentration. He was so full of enthusiasm and enjoyment during the 'waiting process' that the years literally felt like very few.

Enjoying the process leading to the goal is an important part of fully achieving that goal.

"The highest reward for toil is not what you get for it, but what you become from it".

Have a beautiful shabbos,

Yaffa

It´s All Smoke n Mirrors

I´m not into horror films, and I´m too squeamish to talk about this in depth, so I´ll write it real fast and then move on to the fun stuff.
 
When Essav died, he was beheaded. As if with a mind of its own, his head rolled all the way to Mearat Hamachpeila and was buried among the graves of our holy forefathers and mothers, but his body was laid to rest outside the cave.
 
But...why? Why did he have to be split in two, and why was his head a VIP but his body wasn´t?
 
Ok, you can open your eyes now.
 
Essav was a man who knew how to trap, says the possuk. And Yitzchok loved him because he trapped him with his mouth.
They say that the road to a man´s heart is through his stomach. But did Yitzchok really favor Essav, a disheveled hunter (who fed him good food), over Yaakov, who was a renowned scholar and respectable citizen?
 
Rashi says, To trap: To trick his father. Essav would consistently asked him halchik questions which he did not heed or abide by, just to give him the impression that he was careful in his performance of mitzvos.
He trapped him with his mouth, is not referring to the food he gave him. He trapped him and tricked him with his words.
 
If you read through the parsha, (Toldos) you´ll notice that he Torah spends quite a lot of time focusing on the faults of Essav.
 
Personally, I like to ignore negative behavior and not celebrate it. Negative attention is destructive and addictive. So why are we studying his flaws and deficiencies?
 
For the last 2,000 years we find ourselves living under the dominance of Essav´s descendent, Edom. The more we understand Essav´s modus operandi and value system, the better equipped we will be in recognizing his deceptive tactics in order to defend and distance ourselves from such behaviors.
 
Let´s peak into the psyche of Essav for a moment. Essav had spent his entire life tricking his father and the world that he was a holy roller. Rather than beautifying himself he was devoted to decorating the mirror and manipulating public opinion. Living in proximity to Essav we would have a hard time finding the fault line of his tragic flaw. Ultimately, though we can all observe the utter hollowness of his character. As devoted as he was to his father, supposedly, it was more about his own selfish agenda than anyone could presume. His entire campaign produced a world of sizzle but delivers a paucity of steak.
 
Essav gave his father what he liked to eat and also told him what he wanted to hear. These are powerful tools for winning friends and influencing spouses and children. However, the cautionary note is that if these approaches are not used to build bridges of trust, furthering relationships, but to mask malevolence, then it cannot qualify as communication but rather a campaign of manipulation.
A few decades ago there was a story that transpired in Penn University, that, when I read about it, made a lasting impression on me.
 
There was a professor of ethics who had just completed his class on moral behavior. It was an amazing presentation about the dangers of influence vs. dignity and strength, and all of his students left the class feeling inspired and impressed. Just a few days later, a student found him in a private bar deeply involved in everything he had just declared as evil and dangerous in his lecture. Of course word spread around the university, and with shock and dismay, they challenged him in front of class the next day.
He responded in a nonchalant fashion, ¨What do you want from me? How is the value of my lecture diminished by my behavior? If I were a math professor, would that mean I have to be a triangle?¨
 
Essav was ¨Echad bapeh, echad balev¨, What came out of his mouth and what was in his heart were two completely different things.
 
Ultimately, Essav fell prey to the politics of perception, believing that symbolism substitutes for substance, and public relations portrays reality. Blaming Yaakov for his own failure in the end, rather than owning up and taking responsibility for his own poor choices, betrays the depth of his self-deception, and magnifies that much more his own tragic flaw.
 
So, this is why he was buried in the manner that he was. His head and body were not in synch. He was two different people. His head knew right from wrong. His mouth inspired and impressed the world around him. But his body behaved like a completely different person.

¨Be true to yourself. If you cannot put your heart in it, take yourself out¨

Have a beautiful shabbos,
Yaffa

Life´s A Game Of Memory

Recently, I was shopping in a department store in New york. In the 'beauty section', someone who probably doesn't consider herself much of a teacher, taught me a very important lesson. 

A big, broad African American woman (whose name, mind you, was Shwarma) was looking at the perfumes and body lotions, when her 8 year old son (whose name was probably Chummus) yelled excitedly, "Hey, mom! Look, they got chocolate scented body lotion and perfume- why don't you get 'em chocolate smelling stuff?" To which she wisely responded, "Sonny, I like to eat chocolate, I don't like to wear chocolate".

 

Avraham Avinu experienced and overcame ten difficult tests in his lifetime. This is in addition to all the regular, daily hardships that all human being´s face. If he had only passed nine, according to chaza"l, he would've come up short in his personal balance.

 

 Doesnt that seem a little harsh? And even unfair?

At the time of the tenth nisayon, personal test, he was 137 years old, (ad meah v'esrim). What had he accomplished so far in his lifetime?

He founded Monotheism, he created a religion, he fought off the whole world- and won, he was mekarev everyone who passed his way, he revolutionized the world... just to name a few. How many of us successfully finish even one of these projects? How many of us even start? And yet, if he had stopped at the age of 137 and not passed his last test he would not have fulfilled his mission in this world!

 

By the akeida, the tenth test, an angel called out from heaven "Avraham Avraham".

The Yalkut Shimoni explains what the repetition of the name is for. He says that there are two Avraham's. Avraham l'eila and Avraham l'sata. A heavenly Avraham and an earthly Avraham.

Finally, at the age of 137, the angel was informing him that the earthly Avraham matched the heavenly Avraham, and that he has fulfilled his mission in life.

 

When a child is born, he's created with two images. An earthly image, the person we see and know, and a heavenly image-  the person we can become. Our goal in life is to get these two images to meet and match.

 

OK, cool. 

So how do I begin playing this game of Memory? How can I find my heavenly match?

 

There's a famous chaza"l:  

Kol Hamekayem nefesh achas b'Yisrael, k'eelu kiyam olam malei, whoever saves or stabilizes one soul in Yisrael, it's like he has saved the whole world.

What is this, a 'yo mama' joke? Yo mama's so big that if you save her it's like saving the whole world?

There has to be a deeper meaning to this, other than it just being poetic and emotional.

 

Each person is his own 'olam', his own inner world.  This world refers to each individual´s unique talents, personality, emotional make-up, and spiritual inclinations.  It's a complex universe in there. It's sensitive, fragile, vulnerable and powerful. It's made up of emotional, physiological, physical, psychological, and many other elements.

These qualities are inborn and natural.

 

I once heard Rabbi Leib Keleman explain the two types of personality traits each person owns:

A- Moral / Immoral traits.

B- Amoral traits.

 

The 'A' category are things in our character that are changeable. 

For example: A person can increase their potential for altruism, kindness, patience...and a person can uproot traits like selfishness, cruelty, anger...

 

The 'B' category are things that are immutable. For example: Artistic or mathematical inclinations. They cannot change. Although we can recognize and channel whatever artistic potential that is within us, we cannot become something or someone that we're not.

 

A few years ago I bought a bottle of shampoo. It didn't take long to realize that the bottle was not waterproof. Every time it got wet the red and blue ink on the bottle melted down the sides and into my fingernails. After a few uses, I was no longer able to read the company of the shampoo, or the directions on it. I just kept hoping I was using it right. 

Now, why would someone make a bottle of shampoo in a container that's allergic to water?

That container should've been used for cookies. Not for shampoo.

 

There is a significant something that each person was created for. The way to success is by using the tools that we have; not by trying to use the tools that we want, but were not given.

Trying to be someone or something we're not, instead of focusing on our own qualities is the greatest recipe for failure. 

 

All the traits we were gifted are neutral, and therefore they can be geared toward the positive or the negative. Disagreeable ones can be replaced by desireable ones, and unrecognized traits of quality can be directed and developed.

 

Example 'A': Selfishness can be turned to altruism. Anger, to patience, and cruelty to kindness.

 

Example 'B': A person has a tendency to bloodshed... he can either become a murderer... or a doctor. Or a shochet. Or a mohel.

A person born with hyperactivity.... can either be very destructive, or he can be a highly productive individual. 

 

A person's traits and how he utilizes them constitute his "world", and bears witness in the next world as to how he realized his potential and individual talent.

 

This is man's obligation... and according the Mesilas Yesharim, his mission in life.

 

This is the only way for his two images to become one.

 

Now, we might understand why the famous song-- I mean mishne -- says: Kol Yisrael yaish lahem chelek... L'olam habah... everyone in Yisrael has a portion TOWARD the world to come...

 

Should'nt it say "in" the world to come? (B'olam habah?)

 

No. Because although we each have a portion, it's not a preexisting place sitting and waiting for us. We have to create it for ourselves. I create mine, and you create yours.  

 

We gain Olam Habah by working towards it. By recognizing our own inner world and working until our two worlds meet.

 

That's what happened with Avraham Avinu. Yes, he accomplished a whole lot in his life. 

But sometimes, we not only have to focus on what we've done... but also on what we haven't done. 

Cuz maybe there are some more of our talents that need to be utilized.

 

So, Shwarma was right. She told Chummus that chocolate is for eating, and not for wearing.

 

Every individual has a particular purpose in this world. We can each accomplish that special something that no one else can. 

But, we can only work towards it by understanding who we are and not by trying to be someone we're not.

 

¨Be yourself. Everyone else is taken¨

 

Have a beautiful shabbos,

 Yaffa

The Danger Of a Birthday Gift

So, Avraham wins the war (between the four kings and five kings) and as a due and just reward, he's offered to take whatever he desires from the booty. Surprisingly, Avraham turns everything down. I cannot believe I´m actually related to him. Who turns down free stuff?
 
He said ¨Im michut v´ad seroch naal¨, not even a string or a shoelace.
 
I don´t understand. These gifts technically belong to him. He could take and use anything he wants. And yet, he declined. If the Torah had not documented the explicit details of his bris milah, I would have serious doubts about his Jewishness right now...
 
What´s even more peculiar, is that there's a very wise man who believes Avraham´s actions are an ideal to strive towards. Actually, he´s the wisest man that ever lived. Shlomo Hamelech tells us in his classic sefer, mishlei:
¨Sonei Matanos Yichyeh¨, he who hates gifts, shall live. 
 
Digest.

What?!?! No more Chanukah presents? No more birthday gifts? (Don't show this to grandma!)

What does all this mean? What's the connection between receiving gifts, and living?
There must be a difference between what we know as being alive and living.

Avraham has a few nicknames. Avraham Avinu, Ish  Hachessed, and Avraham Haivri.
 
The first two are clear. But what does Ivri mean?
 
Rashi helps us with that. ¨Shehu meever echad, v´kol haolam kulo meever hasheni¨, he stands on one side, and the whole world stands on the other.
 
No, he was not in New Zealand while the rest of mankind was in Alaska.
 
He was independent.
 
Are you Independent? Am I independent? 
What does independence even mean? Does it mean living in America? Staying out late without a curfew? Dying your hair purple?
If you consider yourself independent, you're entitled to understand the true meaning of INDEPENDENCE.


There are two types of independence.
#1- Physical Independence. Ex: A slave, or a prisoner who is freed.
#2- Independence of mind. Ex: The freedom to think.

The Gemorah in Brachos describes a conversation between Klal Yisrael and Hashem. In this discussion, we're admitting that our main desire is to serve Hashem and do His will, but there are two obstacles which interfere and block us from doing Ratzon Hashem:

EXTERNAL INFLUENCES- The influence that seeps in from the other nations, due to our close living quarters and sharing boundaries with them.
INTERNAL INFLUENCES- The monster  inside of us. For those of us who are on first name basis with him, he's the Yetzer Horah. Our passions, desires...


Who was Avraham? He, alone, after contemplating, rationalizing and analyzing, resolved the ultimate: He discovered God. He founded Monotheism. He revolutionized the world.
 He threw away his emotions, his philosophies, his dreams, to fulfill the desire of God. And all this, by going completely against the rest of the world. Defying all his neighbors, all his friends, all his teachers... for what? To pursue the truth. He was able to stand up with confidence to make, what he believed, were the right choices.

True Independence means The ability to do the right thing. No matter what.

Defying your family, community, or friends by "doing my own thing" is, ironically, contrary to what we believe it to be.
 
A teenager seeking independence who rebels by pursuing dangerous activities, by getting hooked on norcotics, body piercings, tattoos, or by any other attempt at being ´different´, is, in essence, completely dependent on his desires, on his drugs, or on the need for others´approval and acceptance. These pursuits are based on precisely the two obstacles preventing true independence, and therefore causing true dependence:  Internal desires, and external pressures.

Doing my own thing and doing the right thing, are actually two very different statements.

Avraham displayed a life of independence. He succeeded in conquering both obstacles:

EXTERNAL- He searched for the truth, analyzed it, and had the courage to say NO. Amidst tremendous opposing forces, he established Monotheism.
INTERNAL- The extent of his love for his son Yitzchok is unfathomable. And yet, he freed himself from his emotions and brought him to the Akaida.
Avraham reached the highest possible level of spiritual independence.

Shlomo Hamelech is teaching us that, INDEPENDENCE IS LIFE!  
Life is, The power of doing what you want to do.

Ok. You can stop scrolling down now, you've reached the part that interests you.

When given a gift, the receiver becomes enslaved to the giver. Henceforward, he is obligated to him. He owes him. And therefore, he loses his independence.
 
To be alive, is to be independent.
 
Had Avraham accepted the gifts, even though he was deservant of them, he would have lost his independence. By becoming obligated to them, he may have to repay the favor to them eventually. That pay-back might cause him to have to go against his ideals or lower his standards in some way. Avraham Haivri just couldnt do that. It's not worth it. He wants to live.

The Gemorah in Sota writes that the reason we were given the two mitzvos of tefillin and tzitzis, is because of the words Avraham used: michut- a string, (tzitzis) and seroch naal- a shoelace, (tefillin).
Because Avraham is fighting for independence, Hashem gave us the power to be independent.

How do tzitzis and tefillin assist in our quest for independence?
 
I'm sure you've all been in the airport and seen a Jewish man swaying in talis and tefillin, causing not such silent whispering by every Asian and Hispanic traveler. 
I'm sure you've all passed a basketball court and seen Yeshiva bachurim dribbling away with tzitzis  flappin in the breeze.
 
The tefillin will "be seen by the nations and fear you". The wearing of tefillin portrays independence against the external influences.
 
The tzitzis are to remind us "not to pursue the desires of our hearts...".  The wearing of tzitzis portrays independence against the internal influences.
 
Being Jewish means being independent.
Being independent means being alive.
 
"You need to stand for something, or you'll fall for everything".
 
Have a beautiful shabbos!
Yaffa
 

Spiritual Egotism

PSA:

Based on my facebook newsfeed and Pinterest page over the past few days, it seems there may be a shortage of food coloring in the stores next week. Rainbow cakes, cookies, challah, and salads have taken over the internet and shabbos tables for parshas Noach.

I apologize to the people in my home for my lack of creativity and cuteness, but I am not making anything rainbow or animal related this week, as I´m still traumatized from the 20 meals I hadda cook on sukkos. Oh, wait. Tomorrow´s cholent has been sponsored by a cow. Does that count?

Noach and Avraham were both the spiritual leaders of their generations. They each had a similar value system and an identical goal in life.

Yet,while Avraham was a magnet of goodness and positivity, Noach was alienating. 

I have always found that some leaders are able to transmit their knowledge and ideas to a welcoming audience, and are able to connect well with the public, while some are not. At all. 

When a person decides to be a leader, he would likely understand that the world is larger than himself. Knowing who you are and where you wanna go is a great awareness to have if  you want to reach your goal. But for a leader, an influential director, that´s not enough. It´s about guiding THE PEOPLE toward that awareness, and helping THEM get to where they want to be.

Avraham and Noach had different definitions of being a leader.

Noach is called by the medrash, ¨tzaddik beparva¨, a tzaddik in a coat.

Say, Noach was teaching a room full of people, when the temperature suddenly dropped. Everyone was freezing. Someone runs up to him and hands him $100 for a coat so that he can teach comfortably. Noach marches off to buy the coat and resumes.

Everyone else is also cold? Nu, life is hard.

Fast forward 10 generations to Avraham. He´s teaching a room full of people, when suddenly the temperature dropped. Everyone was freezing. Someone runs up to him and hands him $100 for a coat so that he can teach more comfortably. Avraham marches off...and comes back with matches and firewood to warm up the room for everyone.

This is precisely the difference between them.

Noach spent 120 years building the ark. 120 years! Do you know how many people he has met during those years? How come he was not able to be a positive influence on even ONE of them? Why has he not been able to teach his ideology and beliefs to even one member of his society?
While Avraham brought countless people with him on his spiritual journey through life, Noach sorely lacked that ability and failed to bring even one.

Spiritual Egotism. When you only care about YOUR spirituality, but no one else´s.

Noach was a good man. He was moral. He was ethical. He was hardworking. But he had no interest in his neighbor´s well being.

The preeminent factor in having any sort of influence on anyone, in being able to help anyone, or in being a good teacher, leader, or friend, is to actually care about them. To really care.

The world is so much bigger than ourselves, and we all have the power to influence the people in it in some way.

All we have to do is care about them. That´s all.

Have a beautiful shabbos, full of rainbows and glitter and unicorns.

Thanx for Stating the Obvious

Aaaaaaand, WE´RE BACK!
Thank you for all your concern, encouragement, pressure and threats...and a big apology to each of you individually, for not having been at your shabbos tables over the summer...
No excuse is good enough, so I won´t even go there.
Please accept my apology, and I hope to be worthy of winning my readers back.

Every year Parshas Ki Savo falls out right before Rosh Hashana. Could there be a connection between the two?

The parsha this week teaches us about the mitzva of Bikurim- taking the first fruit of the harvest as an offering to Hashem.

 The medrash  connects the ´taking the first of the fruit´ to the beginning of all time- the creation of the world.  It writes that the world was created in the merit of the mitzva of bikurim.
Wait. Say what? What does that even mean? The whole entire world, full of people and trees and stars and ice cream and shoes... all in the merit of balancing a basket of fruit on top of your head while playing a trumpet?!

There has got to be a significant part of the mitzva that we are not aware of.

There's another medrash tanchuma that says that Moshe saw through ruach haKodesh that the Bais Hamikdash, holy temple will be destroyed in the future and that the first fruits will terminate. So in order to preserve this mitzva in whatever way possible, he arose and instituted prayer 3 times a day.
This is fascinating. There were many things that were involved in the temple service that he could've been afraid of losing and needed prayer to replace them with. But, clearly there was something special in the mitzvah of Bikurim which Moshe felt a need to safeguard and institute something to connect us to God in the same way Bikurim does.

The Shem M'Shmuel quotes a Zohar based on our medrash above: Only because of Divine kindness do they merit all this and dwell in the land. God brought them into the land and gave them all these great things, and they give the fruits of the bikurim to the Kohanim because they represent the kindness of Hashem.

Ok, now in English.
The function of this commandment is to create awareness and affirmation that our existence within the land of Israel has nothing to do with the merit of the land itself, but only because God has given it to us as an act of kindness. We received it in the grace of God.
This is akin to the purpose of the creation of the world. The very first words in the Torah are "B'raishis Barah Elokim..." B'Raishis- because of the first, Barah Elokim... For the merit of the first fruits of Bikurim, Hashem created the world.

The world was created and all of mankind was made by the chessed of God alone.  The Ramban informs us that the intention of all the mitzvos is to believe in God and concede that He created us.

Now, I know you´re all thinking I should get with the program and stop stating the obvious. Not recognizing God as our Creator is so 6,000 years ago. We all believe in God. We all know He created the world and everything in it. So why am I boring you with ideas you already know?

Actually, I have the same question about our obligation to say the Shema three times a day. Isn´t once a day sufficient? How often do I need to proclaim the Oneness of God? Am I an idiot that I forget after once a day?
No, this has nothing to do with my IQ. It´s about the challenge of being able to know something in our heads without necessarily feeling it in our hearts.

¨V´yaddata hayom¨, know it today... But that´s not all. ¨V´hashaivosa el levavecha¨, and bring it into your heart.
Knowing something intellectually, is easy. But bringing it into your heart is a whole nother thing. The power of repetition is what helps us feel God, and not just know Him.

One of the biggest illusions in life is kochi vótzem yadi, my accomplishments are because of my own power.  
Of course we wouldn´t be successful or responsible without own effort, skills and talents. But without God´s constant involvement and Will, none of it would happen. He´s involved in every aspect of our lives.

When we enter our fields and notice all the new fruits that had ripened, we can think "Look at my wonderful produce. Look what an agricultural genius I am..."  
Instead, we need to look around at the field and notice the incredible generosity of Hashem, the kindness He bestowed upon me by allowing me to have these fruits in my land, and therefore I´ll consecrate them for Him. 

It's all because of Him. 

This act of Bikurim is an identification of the whole purpose of the world. To recognize and understand, and to act upon that understanding that the world, and everything we have in life, is but a gift from God.

So what´s the connection between our fruits, and Rosh Hashana? Is it the apple? 
It´s more than the apple. It´s the core. [insert snort] 

The pinnacle of Rosh Hashana is Malchuyos- the declaration of the solitary kingship of God.

 "Ani L'dodi V'dodi Li"... I am to my Beloved and My Beloved is to me. This is a relationship of love between us and God. An expression of how much He gives us. The mitzvah of Bikurim allows us to reflect upon the boundless chessed we receive constantly- day in and day out, from God, Himself.

Next time I notice something good in my life, I´m gonna stop for a moment and appreciate Who gave it to me. Maybe I'll even take out a siddur and say a few words to Him- hence the institution of prayer. 
And, when we pour our hearts out this Rosh Hashana, try this attitude:  
Don't tell Hashem how big your problems are... tell your problems how big Hashem is. 

 Have a great shabbos!

Sinning...For The Sake Of Heaven?

Rabbi Chaim of Brisk once said about zealousness: Both a housewife and a cat want to destroy mice. The sole difference lies in their attitudes. The housewife really wants to be rid of them. The cat, however, wants the mice to be there to attack them.

  

Pinchas acted zealously in this week's Torah portion to stop a public display of immorality.

 

When Pinchas killed Zimri and Kosbi, a tremendous controversy erupted among the people as to whether his actions were correct or murderous. This week's parsha begins with G-d "testifying" to the correctness of what Pinchas did. 

First, because of what Pinchas did, he stemmed the plague that had broken out and was killing multitudes.  Second, the Torah repeatedly identifies Pinchas as the grandson of Aharon HaKohen.

 

 From Law and Order and NYPD, to CSI and NCIS, the people of our generation can indefinitely figure out a way to commit murder without getting caught. The story of Pinchas’ crime would have made a great episode. He could’ve gotten away with it. But he didn’t. He openly confessed. Why did he do it? And why did he admit it?

 

The motives of the zealot who takes unilateral action are extremely important, for his very qualifications as a zealot hinge upon the question of what, exactly, prompted him to do what he did. Is he truly motivated to "still G-d's wrath", or has he found a holy outlet for his individual aggression? Is his act truly an act of peace, driven by the desire to reconcile an errant people with their G-d, or is it an act of violence, made kosher by the assumption of the label "zealot"?

 

And this leads us to the concept of Aveira Lishma. A sin in the name of heaven. 

 

This concept is more than just doing an immoral act with proper motive. It's not just about breaking the speed limit to rush someone to the emergency room. It's a whole lot more.

 

Technically, one should be repulsed by  loshon harah. But suddenly there’s a scandal involving their neighbor, or even their Rav, and the loshon harah starts pouring out. “It’s l’shem shamayim!” No it’s not. That’s not kanaut, zealousness. That’s their bad middos waiting for an opportunity to come out. 

 

Another example of mistaken Aveira Lishma; Cheating the government. “I’m allowed to. I learn in Kollel! It’s L’shem shamayim!”

 No it’s not. Speaking against certain schools, institution, rabbanim….Getting involved in community politics, creating machlokes…

We think it’s an Aveira lishma. Most of the time it’s not. It’s about my ego.

 

There is a mishne in Pirkei Avos “ Hevei Boreach min haAveira” One must run away from a sin.  

The only word that comes to mind here is  Duh!  I was expecting something a little more profound from the mishne. 

 

Actually, it IS profound. 

 

The Gr”a explains that it’s not teaching us to run away from regular sin. But even an Aveira Lishma should be done reluctantly, and only as a last resort. Like Queen Esther marrying Achashverosh. Like Yael killing the mighty king Sisra.

 

So how do I know if my zealousness is really for the sake of heaven? I must ask myself: “Does Hashem want me to be doing this?” Is He ok with me burning down a sheitel store because I feel sheitels aren’t tzanua? 

 

That’s what the Possuk says about Pinchas, G-d said “ Pinchas was zealous out of concern for MY honor”.  It wasn’t for his ego.

 

Just like the scenario with the housewife vs. the cat in getting rid of the mouse, the same applies to protests against misdeeds. One must sincerely not want the misdeeds. One should not just use the misdeed as an opportunity to engage in protesting.

 

"The road to hell is paved with good intentions." 

That's only if we fail to analyze those intentions.

 

Have a great Shabbos!