Sushi is my Best Friend

Welcome to the third book!

The parsha this week, Vayikra, speaks about the different karbonos, sacrificial offerings that are brought up, and it mentions a 'bird'.
 
Midrash Tanchuma explains that the various offerings are brought only from oxen, goats, sheep and birds, but NOT from fish. Why don´t fish qualify? What does the Torah have against my beloved sushi?

Animals and fowl have a similarity to human beings; they are made of flesh and blood, and  are born from the womb. Fish have scales and spawn eggs. 
Yes, fowl lay eggs too, but they care for them until they hatch, and then the mother will remain with her young, feeding and nurturing them til they are capable of fending for themselves. Hence the mitzvah of Shiluach Hakan. 
 
 Fish, though, have absolutely no relationship with their young.
 
One of the problems I have with the movie 'Finding Nemo' is its inaccuracy. Nemo's father couldn't possibly have had such strong feelings for his baby that he would swim for days on end looking for him. It makes no sense according the nature of fish. But hey, it brought in billions of dollars...so who cares, right?
 
I´ve gained insight from this Midrash. In order to be used as an offering to serve as an atonement for a human being, it is necessary to use a living thing which is similar to humans. Because as humans, we´re naturally drawn to things or people that speak to us, and we connect to whom or what we relate to.
 
Ourselves included.
 
Modern psychology teaches us to love ourselves, causing many embarrassing moments of mirror soliloquy. It has recently been replaced with many embarrassing moments of mirror photography.
 
While disagreeing with the method, I fully agree with the concept. 

We must be attracted to ourselves.
 
In order to succeed in life, and to fulfill our individual mission and purpose, we have to learn not only how to relate to ourselves, but how to bring out the best in who we are.

There are opposing opinions on the proper way of working bein adam l'atzmo, between man and himself.
 
If I want to improve a middah, how shall I decide which? Is it better to choose one that´s naturally difficult and a struggle for me, or should I begin with one that I´ll have an easier time with?
 
A widely accepted approach would be to choose the hard one. The philosophy behind this is that a greater challenge creates greater effort which lends to a greater result.
 
So, I understand the benefits of hard work, but apparently I´m more human than others, and if I spend my life focused on my weaknesses and struggling to perfect them, I will also end up spending my life renewing my meds.   
 
Since my sanity is something I hold dear, I figure there must be other methods in which I don´t have to lose it.
 
There are two types of work which we have to accomplish in our lifetime.
Tikun atzmi and tikun olami; repairing myself and repairing the world.
 
Upon entering this world, we were handed a package containing everything we need for our journey through this world. 
Just like Dora the Explorer. 
Except, we don´t have anyone helping us climb by yelling ¨Help Dora climb...can you say subida¨?
 
We got our map, our fuel, and personalized accessories. We were given individualized strengths and weaknesses, qualities and talents, physical appearances, health, family, friends, emotional makeup, personalities, IQ levels, and a whole lot more, to take us through life.
 
Sometimes I wish someone would give Dora a GPS and spare us the agony of her journey. But obviously the whole point of her trip is to use the articles in her bag to help her find her own way. Getting lost is part of the challenge, and asking for help is part of the process.
 
In order to perfect the world, I need to dig into my bag and pull out my strengths. I need to use my talents and abilities to make a positive difference. But in order to perfect myself, I need to find and improve my weaknesses.
 
The only way I can successfully repair my flaws is by simultaneously utilizing my virtues.
 
Rav Volbe writes that when one begins to work on a personal flaw, he should pick one that's easy; common. Not only that, and here's another connection to Nemo, but in order to atone for any character flaw that we'll find in ourselves, we must look for its similar counterpart as a prerequisite to the avoda.
 
I'll explain.
 
Any bad middah that I have is not one dimensional. It's also a good middah.
 
The word middah means both characteristic, and to measure. To constantly measure our spiritual stature and development.
 
The characteristic as a whole sits on a measuring stick with the negative to the left and positive to the right.
 
If I'm indecisive, never able to make up my mind,  don´t have many opinions, it can get frustrating for everyone involved. But what's on the positive end of it? Easygoing, flexible, accepting...pleasurable for everyone involved.
Take someone who has a low level of patience. They´re easy to anger, you´re afraid to approach them, too demanding... But what can be on the positive end of it? This person doesn't stand for nonsense and accomplishes a lot. They know how to get things done quickly and properly.
 
So the way to work on a bad middah, is to focus on the corresponding good middah, because you can only improve if you're moving forward, not just restraining yourself.
 
Chazal tell us, sur mai-rah v'asai tov. 
 Leave the bad, but the only way to successfully do that is v'asai tov by doing good.

 Remember:
Your biggest weakness is also your strength.


Btw, another reason I don´t like Finding Nemo is because of the philosophy that ´fish are friends, not food´. 
Excuse me? Ever go out to dinner with a fish? 
Oh, yea. On my plate.
 
Have a beautiful shabbos.

Pain: Covering it, or Controling It?

More important than the actions we do, are the motivations behind them. 

I have a friend who broke her engagement right before her wedding, because she realized beyond a doubt that her ex fiance was marrying her just for her money. But until that point he did a pretty good job convincing her that it was her he really wanted.

 Have I ever done any action for ulterior motives? Absolutely.

The possuk writes, V'hanesiim heiviu et avnei hashoham; And the princes brought the Shoham stones.

  

If you pay close attention, you'll see that word nessiim is written without the letter 'yud'. Though it's small in appearance, the 'yud' is huge in significance. Why is it missing?

When the nessiim of each tribe heard that Hashem wanted a mishkan, tabernacle (gosh, who invented that word?) erected they suggested to Moshe that they alone would supply all the necessary materials for the mishkan. Moshe responded that Hashem would accept contributions from anyone who was willing to give. So, the nesiim decided privately that they wouldn't donate with the rest of the Jewish people but rather they'd wait til the end and supply whatever was lacking.

Although this sounds pretty noble, there was a problem. They underestimated the generosity and devotion of the Jewish people who all gave eagerly and lovingly, so that no more material was needed and they missed their chance. The nessiim were left excluded. They desperately wanted to have a part in the building of the mishkan, so they donated the precious gems for the Eifod and Choshen.  

The Torah omits the letter 'yud' to indicate a failure on the part of the nessiim. Although their intentions were honorable, they were wrong to postpone the fulfillment of a mitzvah. The omission or addition of the letter 'yud' to a name is a very significant change. 

Remember when Moshe added the letter 'yud' to Yehoshua's name? He did that before he went to scout the land of Eretz Yisrael, so that the other spies wouldn't have a negative influence on him.

So it would be important for us to understand the sin that mandated such a punishment.

Rashi, in his commentary, offers an answer. "Since they were lazy, a letter was omitted from their name". Although they thought their intentions were noble, in reality it was indolence that was the motivating factor for not contributing to the mishkan.

Maybe, just maybe, sometimes it's our subconscious that  regulates our reasoning? 

 The subconscious is a strange creature. It doesn't know what day it is, and can't add two and two. But it seems to know what may be causing my pain.

The subconscious has no ability to reason inductively, meaning that it can't use reason to take specific observations (for example, "two plus two") and arrive at general conclusions about them (for example, "equals four").

Instead it often uses blind association to arrive at general conclusions, sometimes linking things that make no logical sense. For example, if as a child you burned your hand on the exhaust pipe of a car when a tall man walked by, your subconscious may believe that tall people make exhaust pipes hot.

Yet despite these and other limitations the subconscious maintains subtle mastery over brain chemistry, regulates hundreds of life-giving processes, stores every word you ever heard or read, and orchestrates massive defenses when alien organisms invade your body.
 The power of the subconscious is frightening.

When I was 20 years old, I organized a seminar consisting of 1,000 young women, for Bnos Agudath Yisrael of America. As part of the program, I had wanted to reserve a certain well known speaker to address the crowd. He was a young, enthusiastic Rabbi who lived in Boro Park. I found his number, called his home, and his wife picked up. 
He wasn´t home, so I left a detailed message and then left my name and number. I was about to hang up, when I hear on the other end, ¨No Way! Are you the Yaffa Berger who went to _________ school for preschool¨? 
Shocked, I answered in the affirmative. She continued telling me how she was my teacher in Pre-1-A.
Suddenly I heard myself shouting. MORAH YOCHEVED?? 
She laughed and told me that she was, indeed, morah Yocheved.
All of a sudden there were tears in my eyes. I related to her how once, in class, when I was 5 years old, I mispronounced a certain word while reading it out loud, and a moment later I corrected myself, but that she had refused to give me a sticker for it. I was devastated because I really, truly, knew the correct way to read it, but yet she didn´t give me that pink, shiny sticker. 
To make a long story short, she asked me for my address and mailed me the sticker.
But to make long stories longer, just delve into the subconscious and see what´s inside. Every little incident can last a lifetime in there, and we often cannot access them until something triggers them to come to life. 
15 years later, the memory of that incident jumped out in front of me, causing me to feel that pain, pain that I had filed away, all over again.

 The subconscious houses the emotions, imagination, memory, habits and intuition.
 Although our conscious mind has the ability to reason and to decide upon the most advantageous course of action, it cannot implement its decision unless the subconscious agrees and directs its energy toward that end. Our source of energy is the subconscious mind. No amount of willpower exerted by the conscious mind can override it. 

Willpower can only dent the surface.  
It is an enormous power that we store in our subconscious mind and it is we that have to take control and direct it toward where we want it to go – not the other way around.

Sometimes life can be painful. Physically, emotionally, or both.

  
The subconscious is so powerful that it may be able to turn episodes of uncontrolled pain into events over which we have a degree of control. It can teach the conscious to create survival techniques that make us feel like winners, but we are, in essence ignoring the deep seated issues that the subconscious covered up to protect us from feeling its pain.

The best biblical example to illustrate how we can so easily trick ourselves is when the 11 brothers, the shevatim, decided that the 12th brother, Yosef, was a threat to their spiritual future.They convinced themselves of that by comparing him to their uncle Esav, and great uncle, Yishmael, and decided they need to sell him and get rid of him for good.

But you and I know the truth. It´s written straight out in the Torah. They were downright jealous of him and wanted him out of their lives.

In order to thrive in life, it is of vital importance for us to be totally in touch with, and aware of our feelings and emotions in order to take control over the subconscious and recognize the true motivation for our actions.

If the intention is wrong, or if we are dishonest with ourselves, we will ultimately come out looking wrong, missing out, or making bad decisions. Or all of the above.

"The teeth are smiling, but is the heart?" (Congolese proverb)

Have a beautiful shabbos.

What Am I Afraid Of?

Hearing about this week’s unspeakable tragedy on the heels of so many others over the past few months and years, created a universal state of panic and fear.

Each of us knows we will die one day. But we fool ourselves into thinking that those who die belong to a separate sector of humanity. "They are the mortal ones. We are immortal." Underneath it all, we have this illusion.

Did you ever have a friend who died suddenly? How did you react? "But I just talked to him yesterday! He can't really be dead. He was so full of life!"

What does that mean – "It can't be"? What we're really saying is that it's too close for comfort. I'm not in the mortal group. And now my friend is dead. That's too close. It can't be.

When someone we know dies unexpectedly, we feel our own sense of vulnerability. It makes us think, "Am I using my time efficiently?"

And that´s scary.

Fear of consequences can be a great motivator in getting a job done quickly and efficiently. But fear can also be dangerous when it´s used negatively. When we perceive God as a threat, our fear is egotistical, producing unfavorable results.

So what exactly is positive fear?

 We are given two different commandments about the way we must relate to God.

1.  We’re obligated to LOVE Him.

2.  We’re obligated to FEAR Him.

Contrary to popular belief, the emotions of LOVE and HATE are not opposites. There are too many similarities between the two, and they both stem from the same source.

The opposite of love, is fear.

Really?! Who am I to contradict so many decades of movies and love songs?

Well, when I love someone, I want to be as close to the object of my love as possible. When I fear something, I want to be as far away from the object of my fear as possible.

They are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

So, how can we be obligated to relate to God with two opposite emotions, simultaneously?

If you were to forget the birthday of someone you barely know it would hardly be considered a crime. But forgetting the birthday of your best friend, or spouse, may be reason for capital punishment.

A husband who forgot his wife’s birthday will be afraid to put his key in the door after work that day. Why? Is he afraid she’ll come pouncing at him and whack him on the head with a frying pan?

I don´t think so. 

It’s because he’s afraid of disappointing her.

THE MORE YOU LOVE SOMEONE, THE MORE AFRAID YOU ARE OF UPSETTING THEM.

So, in reality, LOVE and FEAR go hand in hand.

The unity of these two emotions is called AWE. ´Awesome´ has become a slangy word for ´amazing´ in our era, but it´s really deeper than that. 

‘Awe’, on one hand, is an experience so powerful that it's paralyzing. On the other hand, we know awe to be extremely exhilarating. Capturing a ‘WOW moment’, like witnessing the power of a hurricane, hearing tragic news, being spared an accident, or being in the presence of a political or cultural leader, can have a lasting effect on us.

Awe helps release you from the limits of the body. You are suddenly in a world of different dimensions, transported into the eternity of beauty, power, majesty. You've got an expanded perspective. It's no longer me versus you. We're all one.

Awe carries us beyond ourselves. In times of war and tragedy – as well as prosperity and joy – people get "bigger." They treat each other nicer. Pettiness and anger are forgotten.

But the reaction to an awesome experience can go either way. Will I allow the ´wow moment´ to make me feel insignificant and small, or will I merge with the greater whole and release its positive energy?

This decision will lead me either to experience depression, or inspiration.

Depression is the result of the emphasis on fear, while inspiration is derived from the aspect of love.

The key is to round out the ends of the spectrum, causing love and fear to march through life holding hands.

When we hear about terrible tragedies occurring, not only are we shocked and full of questions, but we develop a new level of fear. Relating to God with fear becomes increasingly easier than relating to Him with love, thereby leading us to depression and despair.

It’s all about mastering fear.

The Hebrew word yirah, means both to ‘fear’, and to ‘see’.

The way to become the person I want to be, I must master my fear. Not just my claustrophobia, or my fear of heights, but also my fear of failure, of success, of life, and of death.

And that means ‘seeing’ life from an expanded perspective.

It means having an awareness that comes from understanding, derived from realization. It means ´seeing´ things that are not obvious, referring to a deep level of understanding.

A world that runs randomly, without rhyme or reason, a world without control, is a world with no questions and no expectations. It´s also a world without love.

When I ask 'why'?, when I´m afraid of what's coming next, I'm confirming that my world is run by a God, Whom, by definition is 100% Just.

By being Just, He rewards every single act, as well as punishes every single act. Nothing goes unaccounted for. No one is forgotten.

What frightens me is His love for me.

Knowing that there is a master plan in this world, both generally and personally, and that I´m only responsible to strive for perfection, but not to reach it, and that my only responsibility in life is the effort, not the result, regardless of my determination… is the way I master my fear.   

I can never be a failure if the results don´t belong to me.

I never have to worry or be anxious, since life´s burdens are not on my shoulders.

I know that whatever happens in the world, God makes that decision out of love for me. I don´t have to understand it, nor do I have to like it. If I understood God´s intentions, or if I was let in on the secrets of the universe, they wouldn´t be secrets anymore, and God wouldn´t be much of a God. I certainly would´t want to take over.

The energy we get from fear can be harnessed for positive purposes. It doesn´t have to be restricting.

Fear is power and freedom.

Fear helps me do what's right, not what society thinks is right.

Fear is an exercise in free will.

Fear allows me to feel the thrill of life 100 percent of the time.

Fear can be used as a motivator for greatness.

Exactly like love.

Therefore, when I concretize awesome experiences and take control of my fear, when I actualize my potential, it leads me to love life, to love God, to love my friends, and eventually, to love my enemies.

Tragedies awaken us. They inspire us to face our mortality, wipe out pettiness, relinquish dilusional control, calm our anxiety, and make the most efficient use of our time by living life to its fullest.

I Heart Materialism.

The scene is Parshat Ki Tisa, Perek 34 possuk 23: The Torah speaks about the mitzvah of aliyah l'regel; On Pesach, Shavuot and Sukkot, the (male) Jews from all over Israel were to go to Yerushalayim to see and to be seen by the holy Shechina- presence of God.

  

The Possuk continues by saying that '...no man shall covet your land while you go to appear before Hashem those three times a year...'

God is trying to encourage everyone to make the arrangements to go to Yerushalayim. Having no males at home, people might be afraid that something dangerous might happen to their land or their homes, so this was a guarantee that nothing bad will happen.

The gemorah (Pesachim 8b) derives a halacha from this: Whoever does not own land does not have to go up to Yerushalayim on the three festivals.  The whole halacha of going up three times a year only applied to land owners.

Does this sound fair? The Torah seems to be discriminating against the poor! You can only partake in this special mitzvah if you own real estate? So what about real estate brokers.... do they get to go up to Yerushalayim per house sale?

The Kotzker Rebbe asks, "why doesn't a non- home owner have to go up to be aliyah l'regel?" He answers: 

Because he doesn't need to.

Only the person who owns land, who's connected to this world, who lives in gashmius, is someone who needs to go up to see the Shechina. The person who's not taken over by materialism doesn't need to go see the shechina because he sees it already- everywhere.

A person whose life revolves around their 2 BMW's, country home, and frequent flier miles, must go to Yerushalayim to see the holy Divine Presence of G-d, but one who is free from the materialism of this world sees the shechina everywhere, so he is therefore exempt from the commandment of 'reiyah', of going to see.

Everything in our personal lives, and in the world at large, can be observed in two different ways. Either as mundane and disconnected, or as significant and preplanned. We all know that some people will look at the glass half full, and others will see it half empty. But did you know that there's also gonna be a third person who says "... huh? There´s a glass?"

The human mind is like a parachute; it only works when it's open. 

The only way to notice and appreciate the beauty and holiness that surrounds us is to open up our minds and hearts to see it. 

Shabbat is the holiest day of the week. Ironically, it´s also the day that we eat the tastiest food, wear the nicest clothing, and take a leisurely nap. 

Oh, and what´s the first thing we do to welcome in Shabbat? We drink a glass of wine! 

We seem to be indulging in a heck of a lot of materialism on the most spiritual day of the week. Much more so than on a standard day. 

Wine is complete physical pleasure. Even more than that, the Gemora teaches that wine leads a person to sin, which makes it an accessory to the crime!

But yet, we may not partake in any of the Shabbat festivities until we have that glass of wine.

How exactly is all this materialism considered spiritual and holy?

Because we´re not Christians. Our goal in life is not to abstain from physical pleasure. Actually, the entire reason we exist is for pleasure! 

Here´s my proof:

How many days a year do we celebrate Yom Kippur; a day of complete abstinence from physicality and pleasure? 

One.

How many days a year do we celebrate shabbat; a day filled with materialism and pleasure? 

Fifty two.

Now, I´m no mathematician, but by my calculations, this means...If the shoe fits, buy it in every color!

Well, almost. Like I said, I´m no mathematician. I left out an important part of the equation. 

Yes, the day of holiness begins with a glass of wine, in an expensive goblet. But before consuming it, we make kiddush on it. Kiddush literally means to separate and make holy. We are mekadesh the physical by elevating it to a spiritual level. 

  
Living in denial of the world we live in is not spirituality, and it's not holiness. Using the things we have in this world and elevating them to spirituality- recognizing God in them- THAT'S holiness. 

So, of course buy the shoes! Shoes can change a person´s life. Just ask Cinderella. But, it´s the motivation behind the action. Am I indulging in materialism to honor Shabbat? To make a kiddush Hashem? 
Only I can know my intention. And therefore, it takes a strong woman to admit when she has enough shoes. Which I totally don´t, by the way.

  
Rav Avigdor Miller ztz"l was a person who lived his life embracing the shechina. He used to walk through the streets stroking the flowers carefully and lovingly. When he looked at a flower he saw the masterpiece of his Creator. He would stroll along the Avenue thanking Hashem that his shoes had soles, thereby making his walk so much more pleasant and comfortable. 

I once listened to one of his shiurim where he spent a full half hour discussing the beauty and health benefits of snow. This is someone who was completely connected to God, all the time, everywhere. 

But, do you know why Rav Avigdor Miller is such a perfect example for us? Because he didn't disconnect himself from materialism in order to attain a high level of spirituality. He didn't fast every week, nor did he say s'lichos every month. The opposite, actually. As soon as the tape recorder was invented he was practically the first one on line in the store to buy it.

What did he want a tape recorder for? To record and distribute his shiurim. 

He taught us how to find the holy Presence of Hashem in everything we do.  

A chassid once approached his rebbe (not sure which rebbe, I guess it depends which group of chassidim you ask :) and asked him "Rebbe, what's the difference between you and I? We both make a bracha before we eat an apple... why are you a Rebbe and I'm not?" To which the Rebbe responded, "the difference is that you make the bracha so that you can eat the apple; I eat the apple so that I can make the bracha."  

Holiness, my friends. Holiness.

I wish I could sit and talk about shoes for the rest of day, but I need to go turn my succulent, palatable, tantalizing, flavorsome, heavenly, saporous, mundane food into a holy Shabbat meal. So, I will get my feet out of my head and onto the ground.

Holiness is everywhere. Those who don't see it are those who refuse to see it.

Have a pleasurable and spiritual Shabbos.

Me, Myself, and I

As the journey through the desert continues, the Jews were encouraged to donate some of their valuables as a contribution to the building of the mishkan. 

But, they were told only to give if they sincerely wanted to.

"Kol nediv libo, yivieha es trumas Hashem= everyone with a generous  heart, will bring the donations to Hashem".  

The Torah is teaching us about the righteous trait of 'giving'.

In the moving poem of  Eishes Chayil,  written by Shlomo Hamelech , he explains that there are two types of giving.

"Kapah parsah l'ani, v'yadeha shilcha l'evyon", She stretches out her palm to the poor person, and she reaches out her hands to the destitute.

#1- She stretches her palm to the ani. An ani is a poor or struggling person that needs some support to get him on his feet again.

#2- She reaches out her hands to the evyon. An evyon is someone who lacks everything and needs a lot of help.

So, to the ani, the one who needs even minimal aid, she gives with her palm- a small amount, in a dignified manner, since that's what he requires.

But, to the evyon, she gives with both hands, since he requires a whole lot more.

Now, the giving that we're speaking of, is in no way limited to just financial necessity. We could be acquainted with people who are needy in other areas, too.  

Someone can be going through a difficult time and need our emotional support. Or, someone may not be feeling well and in need some physical assistance.

This is quite a difficult principle that Shlomo Hamelech is asking us to strive toward. To be able to determine exactly who needs what, in order to give to them accordingly, is not simple. It takes a lot of careful planning and thinking. Especially, since giving can easily turn into taking when used improperly.  

When we reach out and give to someone, we must be conscious to give them what they need, and not to give just to fill our emotional need to give.

When I was a teenager, I knew someone who was very insecure. Her self esteem was in the land down under. Obviously, she gave an impression of omnipotence and snobbishness, but it was all a facade. She had no idea how to love or how to be loved, and no one really liked her, they just appeared to, out of fear of her. Now, this girl came from a very wealthy home where she lacked exactly nothing.  Her parents gave and gave and gave- more than she could even hold. Since they had an emotional need to give, they stocked her up in material and physical... but never once did she get a hug, or hear the words "I love you". Never once has she had any reason to trust anyone or feel secure anywhere.

  Her emotional needs weren't dealt with, which resulted in her growing up being very needy. 

Though it saddens me, it was no surprise when I learned about all the poor decisions she has made in her life, and the tremendous suffering she is continuously experiencing. Her life turned out to be one that is the envy of absolutely nobody.

 

Why is it such a difficult challenge to give sincerely, as the possuk says, 'from his heart', based on peoples´ needs?

Because true giving requires us to do something that's very hard for the people of our generation. We have to have reached a significant level of selflessness, demanding of us to involve ourselves with others. The overwhelming majority of the population today is so self absorbed and preoccupied with themselves. When we're so self involved, we really don't have much time, or much room, for anyone else. 

Every magazine I see (at the doctor´s office, of course) has a whole section called "ME Time". It's all about how to get rid of your kids and husband for a few hours, and to close off your ears to the world, and focus on ME. Sounds pretty boring to extroverted me, actually.

I remember, when I went to study in Israel for a year after high school, there was a food called "Bislach", and another called "Beigelach", and yet another called "Mitzlach". Four years later when I married and went back to live there, the names of those foods have been changed! They became "Bisli...Mitzli...kefli..." Even the food went from lach= you, to li= me. 

Hmmm...You are what you eat, much?

Ever meet someone who seemed really inconsiderate? Thoughtless? 

Well, some people might think that about us after we leave their presence, too. That's because the person isn't necessarily bad or mean, just sometimes we're so self absorbed, and so focused on ourselves, we don't give enough thought about others. When someone's in pain, and it doesn't bother you at all, it's because we're so cut off from others, and so concerned with what I want. My feelings.

Ok. Have I got a story for you. It's 100% authentic, brought to you by an eyewitness.

The setting was a busy Sunday afternoon on 13th Ave in Brooklyn, New York. There was a man sitting in his car, double parked slightly behind a car that was about to vacate a spot. Another car suddenly pulled up and double parked slightly in front of it, to try and get the spot from the front angle. Picture the scene. We have a car legally parked, trying to pull out of his spot. Two cars sit there- one by his front, the other by his back, each one so focused on getting his spot, but oblivious to the fact that they're completely blocking him in. The drivers of the two cars are yelling back and forth at each other, calling out words I can't repeat to you, while the poor man is sitting in car, unable to move from his place, watching the scene. Twenty minutes went by. Yes, twenty minutes. 

(Why was I still standing there watching this?)

 Finally, the driver of the car wishing to emerge, got out of his car, put another two quarters in the meter, and announced that he may as well do some more shopping, since he's unable to budge anyway. And he walked off, leaving the two selfish statues howling away. 

In. Your. Face.

Having such a large ME interferes with many aspects of our lives. It can get in the way of our relationship with G-d, and with others.

1. Bein adam laMakom, and 2. Bein adam lachaveiro. How?

1. Proper avodas Hashem, service of G-d, is putting His will before mine. When someone´s ME is so big, there becomes a major conflict between me and Him.

2. Self absorption and egocentric ism don't allow us to focus on the needs of another, as we explained above.

By the way, have you ever had a good friend that got married? So what happened two months later when she invited you over to look at her wedding pictures? You flipped through them, glancing quickly at each one,  focusing carefully, and looking for....ME!  Where am I? How did I come out? Oh- kallah? What kallah? I'm busy looking for me.

If we just move the ME over a little bit and make room to focus on the needs of others, we'll be able to give properly. 

And, also, if we really are just worried about ourselves in the end, by giving to others, there's so much personal benefit too, as we will feel so good about our actions.

 A pessimist, they say, sees a glass of water as being half empty. 
An optimist sees the same glass as half full. 
I say, Yay! More room for vodka!
But, a giving person sees a glass of water and starts looking for someone who might be thirsty.

Have a beautiful shabbos.

Hi, How Are you?

A thought occurred to me while riding in one of those little, always memorable white taxis in Israel. I got in, and after the regular negotiations, asked my chauffeur how he was doing that day. "Baruch Hashem" was the bare headed, jewelry clad driver´s answer. Very impressed with his acknowledgment of G-d's presence, although otherwise not obvious, I sat back to enjoy my ride. It was then that my eyes shifted from his glow- in- the- dark head to observe the interior decorations of his car, when I noticed my driver´s name on a small plaque behind his seat. Mohammad Abdul Jarid Sachid Ben Allah.  Uh, did he just tell me he was doing "Baruch Hashem" fine today?

It was then that I came to the realization that the term "Baruch Hashem" had become part of the Dictionary Of Slang. There wasn't any deep, inspirational meaning in it- it just rolled off peoples tongues. I don't think I'm referring  only to Arabs or secular Jews. I, a Torah observant Jewess, am probably also guilty of using these words carelessly and without meaning.

The first person in History to declare "Baruch Hashem" was the hero of this weeks Parsha -its namesake, Yisro. His declaration was due to the overwhelming awareness of the greatness of his Creator, after witnessing the tremendous revelation of G-d miraculously splitting the sea. He proclaimed those words of appreciation and love with a feeling of amazement and inspiration. They emerged from deep inside his heart.

I once heard a nice analogy from Rabbi Avi Shulman, that can apply pretty accurately to our topic. [I am not quoting directly.]

Say there's a fly on your dining room table that's really annoying you, and you decide to get rid of it. What are your options of doing so?

You can either roll up a newspaper and whack it, or you can take a hard covered book and smash it, or you can invade the tool box, remove a sledgehammer, and pound it to death. As a last resort, you can take your trusty fly swatter from Walmart and swat it. In each of these cases, if you hit the fly (fat chance), you'll certainly kill it.

The difference between all four methods is not what happens to the fly, but what happens to its surroundings. With the newspaper approach, there´s a risk of breaking a crystal vase. The book will cause the glass cups to topple and shatter, the sledgehammer will scratch and then break the table. I think we all agree that the fly swatter will do the job best without causing unnecessary damage to anything else. I guess that´s why it´s called a fly swatter.

We've been brainwashed by Western culture that bigger is always better. If you could afford something, buy it. If you can't afford it, buy it `anyway.

A larger house, a louder mouth, bigger accessories, a higher paycheck… and the more 'toys' I have, the better. The truth is, though, that this philosophy is misguided. Is bigger really always better?

Yes, in a fight, if the two opponents are of equal ability, the odds are in the favor of the bigger fighter.

But how bout when it comes to an electricity bill? A pimple? A stomach? Feet? A kidney stone? Credit card debt?

No, bigger is not always better.

Often, throughout life, we'll find that less is more effective, or better for you.

For example, french fries.  Makeup.  Criticism. 

Most of the time less is better, and therefore less becomes more.

I have a friend who has nine lives. No, I don't generally befriend cats. But this human being seems to have died so many times, yet every time I see her, her pulse is beating, and she's definitely alive. How could I think she's died again and again?

Because anytime she sees something she wants, she's 'dying' for it.

She 'dies' of laughter, so I try not to ever tickle her.

Her mother was 'gonna kill her' a few times- dunno what happened with that, though.

Oh, also, one time she was 'dying of starvation', since she only ate breakfast that day.

 I lost count how many times she 'froze to death'. Once, she suffered a really unpleasant way to go. She was feeling so hot, she started 'boiling'. So I added spaghetti to her and had some lunch. Poor girl.

Sometimes we use very strong words to express a minor discomfort, thereby increasing the level of discomfort. That happens because our minds hear every word we say and they instruct our bodies to act accordingly.

If we were to express ourselves using words like unpleasant instead of terrible, or uncomfortable instead of awful, or it's annoying instead of it's driving me insane!!,  we would be able to live with more comfort and enjoyment. We actually have the power to reduce the level of the negative feeling.

We can teach our bodies how to feel and how to respond, based on the words we use.

Here in Mexico, when you visit someone in their home and compliment them on it, there´s a common response used by each host: Mi casa es tu casa. My home is your home. Whenever I hear that, I ask for my copy of the key.
When someone receives a compliment on a piece of clothing, instead of saying thank you, the response here is, ¨you can have it whenever you want¨. 100% of the time, I shock people when I say, ¨ok, can I pick it up tomorrow?¨

If you didn´t mean it, why did you say it?

A few years ago, I met someone at my central hangout- the supermarket, and after greeting her, she asked me "Hi, how are you?" Well, I was about to tell her how I was, but I would've been talking to the ketchup bottles, because, um, after I blinked once, she wasn't there anymore.

Do me a favor, please. When you ask me how I'm doing just because it's protocol, or because it habitually rolls off our tongue, it really isn't fair, because I might think you sincerely care about how I'm doing, and I might try to tell you.

 It happened once, that someone actually waited after asking me how I am, so I started telling her about my day... I must tell you, that woman stood still as a statue, her eyeballs dry and wide, and she had absolutely no idea how to respond to me. She never expected me to answer the question she had just asked me. 

How many of us go to the mall and literally fall in love with the clothing there? I loooooove this skirt!

Do u realize we´re loving inanimate objects?! We love our shoes. We love our wigs. We love our lipstick. Shouldn´t we only love beings who can love us back? Love is a powerful word that can get lost on a one way street.

Same thing goes for hatred. It's a word that should be exclusive for Nazi's and radical Islam. Hatred shouldn't be wasted on your feelings toward a certain song, or on the taste of last night's chicken, or on a friend who didn´t text you back.

More dramatic words don't do a better job. The opposite might be true. Sweeping words, and having the attitude of 'they're just words, gosh!', can cause disastrous damage, like using a sledgehammer on the glass table.

When Yisro proclaimed his heartfelt "Baruch Hashem", there was no doubt as to the level of his sincerity.

 Words have to be thought out before spoken, and used appropriately, in order to receive the best results.

 "There are two kinds of people who don't say much; those who are quiet, and those who talk a lot".

Have a beautiful shabbos.