It´s Not WHAT You Do, But HOW You Do It

As the exciting story of Yosef in Mitzraim continues to unfold, we're brought to a very emotional scene. Yaakov comes down to visit Yosef after not seeing his precious son for 22 years. The background music begins to play softly, building up to a dramatic climax, where father and son walk toward each other, hearts pounding with excitement. 

Suddenly, the possuk tells us something, which gives us brand new insight to the meaning of the script. It says, VAYEIRAH EILAV... HE APPEARED BEFORE HIM. Whoa! We are blown away with the wording. 

Yosef wasn't going to see his father, but to be seen by him. 

Although Yosef was aching to reunite with his loving father, he was able to put his powerful emotions on hold, in order to be able to do this mitzvah of giving pleasure to his father, without ulterior motives. This is the concept of L'sheim shamayim, acting in the name of G-d, in its truest form.

Doing things L'sheim shamayim, for the sake of God, is a consistent theme throughout the life of Yosef.
After he met his brothers, he made the oddest demand a leader has ever commanded of his people, not including the 16 oz soda ban; he instructed everyone in Egypt to pack up their lives and move to different cities. Simple as that. 

Imagine if President Obama got up and announced that on January 14, 2013, everyone in LA will have to switch places with all the people in NY. How many of us will actually be having our mail forwarded? Would you listen to this senseless command?

But wait. Yosef wasn't finished with his strange new laws. Not yet. Not until each member of the male gender received a bris milah. Forget it, Mr. President- don't even go there.

But you know what? Everyone went along with this. Without a hafgana, no protest, no demonstration, no orange ribbons or bracelets... they got up and obeyed his commands.

So... what was his trick? Why did everyone listen to him?

Because they all knew, without a doubt, that everything he was doing was l'sheim shamayim. 
Because it always was. It was clear to everyone that nothing he did was for his own benefit or need.

When we do things l'sheim shamayim, and with sincerity, people realize the holiness and G-dliness in what we're doing. They sense the altruism of our actions. When we behave without selfishness, and without the need for attention or self gratification, there's a certain siyata dishmaya we receive which makes people admire and respect us for what we've done, and hopefully, a desire to follow our lead. That's why doing things for the right reasons is a guarantee for lifetime success.

I live in a community that is not yet fully in touch with its Jewish identity. Many times I feel uncomfortable, and even out of place, by often looking and behaving differently than many of my neighbors and associates, since G-d's Torah commands me to do so. Incredibly, though, after attending meetings or parties in non kosher homes and being consistent with the laws of kashrut, and being consistent with not dancing at mixed weddings, and being consistent by being different on many different levels, in various occasions, many people have  expressed admiration and respect at my family's sincerity and strict, uncompromisable adherence to what we believe is correct. 
 Actions that are done l'sheim shomayim, for the sake of heaven, can only be viewed positively, and will hopefully make a proper kiddush Hashem.

Wherever Yosef went people commented KI HASHEM IMO...HASHEM IS WITH HIM. It became a pattern, and everyone realized. Why was Hashem always with him? Because he was with Hashem. He was always focused on doing what He, with a capital H wanted. He didn't go out to see Yaakov for his own best interest, he withheld his own emotions in order to fill his whole being with what Hashem wanted.

It's not the actions that count as much as the motivation behind them.
 A musician who plays at weddings and other affairs for parnassah, livelihood, can have two different motivations, followed by two different results. 

 Either he can get up and go to his next wedding to play music, since this is his job, or, he can attend the next wedding with the intentions of being mikayem the mitzvah of being misameach chosson v'kallah, bringing joy to a bride and groom. The job is the same. The hours are the same. The paycheck is the same. But- the motivation is different, and therefore, the reward is different, and, most importantly, the person becomes different.

The difficulty in acting altruistically is the lack public recognition. But that same public actually works in a funny way. They have x-ray vision. They can see right through ulterior motives. We listen to and learn from people who are sincere, but fakers, or insincerity don´t stand a chance.
  
The irony of it all, is that by chasing after honor, the honor escapes...but by not pursuing honor, it actually follows and accompanies you. It practically stalks you.

Here´s to doing the the right things for the right reasons!

¨To be God's servant, you have to be your own master.¨

Have a great shabbos!

Greek Olympics

The disease of Chanuka is Competition. I´m only good if I´m better than you.
 
The Greeks were the founders of the Olympics. Their philosophy was that a person is only worth something in comparison to someone else. Life is all about competing and winning.
 
Looking the best, acting the best, being the fastest, the smartest, the prettiest. That´s all that matters.
 
The Parsha tells us that Yosef had chen, charm. He had a unique form of beauty and attraction that stood out. Yosef was also the only person that the Torah has ever referred to as a tzaddik. This is because he lived alone in Egypt, with no one to compare himself to. He was just, well, Yosef.
 
Humankind often projects women with flawless skin, big eyes, full lips, small nose, pure white teeth, smooth and shiny hair, curvy body, wearing size 0 designer clothes, and they portray them as being happy because of those qualities and possessions.
They portray men as tall, with smooth skin, six packs, perfectly square jaws, with any woman at their disposal, quite literally at their disposal, stepping into their luxury car of choice,  and they define that that is what makes a man happy.
 
Society is extremely successful in being able to brainwash people into believing they should look a certain way, act a certain way, or be a certain someone, when in reality every single one of us is diferent. People are born to be different; no two of us are the same. We have different mindsets, different personalities, different emotional makeups, different intellectual capacities, different needs, different desires, different backgrounds, different strengths and weaknesses, different opinions, and different experiences. Even identical twins are different from one another.
There´s only one way in which we´re all the same: We´re all flawed human beings. We have defects and flaws that were given to us to improve and perfect them, in order to help us each fulfill our own individual missions in life.

Society likes to categorize people, with the intention of causing us to believe that we have fewer rights to be happy because we do not fit into the idealistic lifestyle. This is the reason that so many men and women hide away from society, and grow up thinking that there´s something wrong with them. This is also why a disproportionate amount of men and women carry the number of their local plastic surgeons in their back pockets.
Comparing ourselves to others is a sure way to knock our self esteems down to the ground, trample on them, and hose them down the drain.
 
There will always be those who are ´better´than us, and those who are ´worse´than us. Denying this, and trying to live the life of the subject of our envy,  will cause us to start wishing we were different people, causing thoughts of worthlessness and hopelessness.
 
Here´s the main problem I see evolving from this. By trying to parallel or match another person, I still come up short of being them, but at the same time I´m coming up short of being ME. I´m not living their life, and I´m not living my life. So, am I even living? Breathing doesn´t mean I´m living. It means I´m alive. There´s an entire world of difference between being alive, and actually living.
 
Weighing ourselves against another, takes us nowhere, wastes a lot of time and energy, and puts us in an emotionally and psychologically awful place. As Albert Einstein so wisely quoted, “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid.”
 
Contrary to  Greek ideology, Judaism teaches that the result of something is not what´s important, but rather the effort and motivation put into the act.  Pirkei avos explains: ¨L´fum tzaara agra¨ The harder the effort, the greater the reward.
A parent  who´s interested in teaching their child to be confident and healthy, will never tell them ¨I´m proud of you because you´re the best in your class¨, but rather, they´ll tell them ¨I´m proud of you because you really tried your best¨.
 
We all have intrinsic value as individuals. We´re not only good just in comparison to others.
The proof of this is another lesson from our sages: ¨Lo Alecha Hamelacha Ligmor¨, It´s not up to you to finish the task. What is up to me is to start it, and to give it my absolute best.
 
The Miracle of Chanuka is not just that we were a tiny army who won over a much more powerful one. It was an internal war that we won. It was a battle of  confidence and assurance. The Greeks tried to remove everything we stood for; everything that made us unique:
 
Shabbos, kashrus, bris milah, limud Torah, and rosh Chodesh.
 
These are five Mitzvos that are absolutely unique to the Jewish people. To replace these spiritual activities, they tried enticing us with their external enterprises fueled by competition and vanity.  But we didn´t fall for it! We stood up to fight! We fought against a life of externality! We fought against a life of competition! We fought against a life of emptiness!
 
And we won.
 
So when we celebrate Chanuka, we´re embracing our uniqueness. We´re recognizing our individuality and accepting the essence of who we are.
 
It´s no coincidence that the main character of the parsha this week is Yosef, who had reached spiritual perfection, being the solitary person to earn the title tzaddik. He achieved that by having no one to compare himself to, and therefore being able to use his own potential by being true to himself.
 
Chanuka means that the only person I need to be better than, is the person I was yesterday.

Have a beautiful shabbos, a happy Chanuka, and a chodesh tov!

When I Grow Up I Wanna Be An Ant

Someone actually asked me the following question: "Why does Yosef make the same mistake every year. He tattles on his brothers and then they end up selling him. Doesn't he learn his lesson?"
Um.

 So what exactly was it that he told his father? Three things:

1-He caught them eating from an animal without previously slaughtering it.

2- They were behaving immorally with women.

3- He heard Leah's sons calling the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah, 'servants'.

Now, have in mind that the accused offenders were talmidei chachamim (Torah scholars). They were people who listened to the word of G-d. So something seems wrong with this picture. The truth is, there are some pieces missing from the story.

The shvatim (tribes) had in their possession a special book on kabbalah which was handed down from Adam Harishon. This book is called SEFER HAYETZIRA. Through various kabbalistic methods brought down in this book, they were able to create beings that appeared to be real, but were mere, human-made copies. Cloning, perhaps. 

Two of the activities the brothers had done: They had created an animal, which they were able to eat from alive since it wasn't authentic, but man made. 

And, they had built a woman, which is the woman Yosef had seen them with. But she, too, was a fake. Bring it on, Mr. Potter!

(As a side point, this is the sefer (book) that was used in Prague to create the famous Golem.)

Well, the young sons of Bilhah and Zilpah saw some action over on the side where Leah's older sons had been huddling, and curiosity overcame them. So they went to assess the situation. As soon as the delinquents approached however,  the older brothers shut them out, calling them 'servants', indicating that they were too young to be involved with learning kabbalah. They were not on the same spiritual level as the older shvatim, or even as Madonna, and therefore, studying the depths of kabbalah was beyond them. 

So the problem was that Yosef was so quick to do his self appointed job as Family Mashgiach, that although his intentions were righteous, he tattled on his brothers before looking at the whole picture. He should've looked deeper at the situation before jumping to conclusions.

Then, what else did Yosef do incorrectly? He knew his brothers hated him. It was no secret. And yet, he wasn't fazed. He thought it would pass. Therefore, notwithstanding their animosity toward him, he went and told them his second dream, once again threatening them with his power over them. That was very inappropriate. Not to mention that he felt the need to repeat it yet a third time.

Obviously, this was coming from a place of naivete, and his problem was that he was completely unaware of what the long term effects of his actions will be.

HE WAS ONLY LOOKING AT THE SMALL PICTURE. The here and now. He failed to realize the long term consequences. He carried the attitude "If they feel threatened by me, it's their problem", when in reality, he was guilty of causing their jealousy and hatred.

There's a reason the Torah refers to Yosef as a  naar, a young boy. In other words, immature. A mature person looks ahead. He takes the whole picture into consideration. He tries to understand what the consequences of his actions will be. 

One who makes an impulsive decision without taking into account the results of his choice, allows us to believe he's acted immaturely.

When I was 17 years old, I decided to take Drivers Ed. I thought that a crash course in driving wouldn´t be a great idea so I opted for the regular lessons. There are a few things I'll never forget about my driving teacher. The most important of all, is that he was a diabetic. Which is why it confused me to see him constantly eating Entenmans sugar coated donuts with sweet coffee. Then of course, a pack of Marlboro light to help with digestion. So when I asked him why he's not being more careful about his health, his response shocked me, but left  a lasting impression. "I can't think about the future- it won't let me enjoy the present".  He died soon after.

Focusing on the here and now can end up with a problematic there and then. A mature person takes in the whole picture, and tries to understand what the consequences of his choices will be.

Shlomo Hamelech writes in mishlei, LECH EL NEMALA, ATZEL...,GO TO THE ANT, YOU  LAZY GUY.  What could we possibly learn from an ant?  What does he do that's so worthy of comparison? The ant is mature. Every season, he works long and hard gathering and setting aside enough food for the following season.  He looks ahead. And that's maturity. (Most of his merchandise is collected from your counter top, by the way.)

So, when you have an unbeatable urge to yell at someone, even if the person deserves it,  it may feel like a big relief in short term... but focusing on the long term, it destroys the relationship.

"There are two types of people: Those who stop to think; and those who stop thinking."

Have a great Shabbos.

My son, the Doctor

¨Vayehi li shor V'chamor¨, I have oxen and donkeys...
This was Yaakov talking.
The Medrash Rabba explains that the oxen refer to his son Yosef, and the donkeys represent his other son,Yisaschar.

Yaakov sent a message to his troubled brother,Esav, informing him of his vast wealth, in order to impress him and gain favor in his eyes.
If Yaakov's reference to his ox and donkey as a metaphor for Yosef and Yisaschar is his way of proving himself, he´s got a lot to learn about kissing up.
If Yaakov's intention is to impress Esav with his strength and power, wouldn't you think he'd send the child who's the most physically built? Or the ones who are the most outwardly impressive? Like the doctor, or the lawyer, or worse comes to worst the accountant? How 'bout Yehuda or Levy- the strong ones?
 
But, no. Yaakov decided to show off by sending the two sons who symbolized spiritual greatness. These two sons represent the spiritual dimensions of the 12 tribes. Yosef is famous for being a Tzadik, and Yisaschar is the epitome of Limud HaTorah.
This Medrash teaches us that when one wishes to impress the wicked by being pretentious and acting like them, speaking their language, dressing in their manner, feigning agreement with their misguided philosophies.... he is fooling only himself. Even the most corrupt individual won't be impressed by an impostor. Nobody likes a wanna-be. The opposite, actually- these actions will only alienate him.
 
Case in point, during the horrific period of the Holocaust, the Jews learned an invaluable lesson: You can run, but you can´t hide. No matter how perfectly a Jew tried to camouflage himself into his non Jewish culture, he never integrated and was never accepted. He was dragged out of his dream and into the nightmare of the rest of his nation.
Yaakov is not only showing us how one speaks to a less-than-good person, but he is also teaching us the secret of the immortality of the Jews. He was trying to let Esav realize that their lifestyles are vastly different, and through his way of living, by consistently following the Torah, with confidence and conviction, he hoped to allow Esav to see his honesty and straightforwardness and find favor in his eyes.
 By having self respect, one achieves the respect and admiration of others. That's all we need.

"Always remember you are unique... just like everyone else"

Have a great Shabbos.
 

Yitzchok, Rivka, and Sandy

Imagine the holy son of a saintly Rebbe marrying the daughter of a renowned atheist, straight off a socialist commune. Pretty far-fetched, ya think?

This week's Torah portion talks of a very similar shidduch. Yitzckok and Rivka come from such opposing backgrounds, that I can´t begin to understand how that marriage can work. Why did Eliezer facilitate such a strange shidduch?

Over a week has passed since Sandy had arrogantly crashed through our peaceful shores. Anyone of reasonable age, who was conscious on Tuesday, October 30, 2012, has heard about the devastating Superstorm that ripped across the East coast, destroying millions of people´s lives, both physically and emotionally. Such vast lost is impossible to describe, because it is beyond human comprehension.

Though I haven´t experienced the devastation myself, I have family and friends, and friends of friends, who have experienced irreplaceable loss and unrepairable damage from the storm. The extent of these losses are unfathomable.

The morning after the hurricane, I sat comfortably at my computer, looking at pictures of homes, once elegant and cozy, that are now hollow and skeletal, resembling survivors of a war. I saw businesses that have been flooded out or collapsed to the ground, leaving thousands of families not knowing how they will regain all their losses, or how they will put bread on the table tomorrow. Oh, wait. What table? That one? The one in the middle of the flooded street, broken in half, with a staircase on top of it?

How can years and years of hard work and dedication, a lifetime of memories, and every personal belonging down to a toothbrush, be washed away like that, gone forever, in just a few hours?

Every radio station and TV channel reported excessively about this hurricane, warning the targeted locations for days before it actually hit. 

Yet even with all the capabilities, capacities, and competency of living in the new millenium, and even though the United States of America is arguably the most powerful and efficient country in the world, and we live in a generation of technology and science so advanced, that we can barely keep up with the developments, and despite all of the geniuses and endless talent we have in our midst, there has not been even one individual who was able to prevent this disaster. It was so clearly being controlled by a force way beyond even the most powerful of humans, in the most powerful country.

To be honest, rather than reflecting on it, it would be a whole lot easier to close my eyes, thank God that I wasn’t affected, and run on out to get ice cream. 

But I realize that each situation I encounter in life, whether physically experiencing it, or just as a casual onlooker, has been put in my path for a reason. To not be affected by it means to live a life of denial and stagnation. Is that even living?

Watching the force of the rain, the powerful surges of water, and listening to the speed and strength of the wind has instinctively put a prayer on my lips:

Mashiv haruach, Umorid hageshem

He (God)blows the wind and causes the rain to fall

Okay, seems quite obvious. But during this storm, there was a complete distortion of this! The water wasn´t blowing down, it was blowing upward! And as it ascended, it destroyed everything it came into contact with! Instead of the wind blowing high and the rain falling down, the water washed up, with the wind blowing down!

So I think the meaning of these words are deeper than just the obvious. The root of the word ruach, wind, is the same as the word ruchniut, spirituality. And the root of the word geshem, rain, is the same as the word gashmiut, materialism. The personal message I received from this historic disaster, was Mashiv haruach, Umorid hageshem! Blow the spirituality upward, and lower the materialism!

When there´s a distortion between the physical and spiritual, we can destroy everything we come in contact with.

Mesilas Yesharim teaches that certain activities belong to realm of materialism/ yetzer hara, but when we do them with pure intentions, to serve Hashem, we remove them from the realm of yetzer hara and into the territory of the yetzer hatov. So instead of those actions making us more materialistic, they turn around and make us more spiritual. The opposite is true, as well. If one does a mitzvah, but fulfills it with the wrong intentions, he removes it from the territory of the yetzer hatov, and it now belongs to the other side, causing it to lose its status as ´holy´.

  

 Mesilas Yesharim continues in Shaar Hanekius and and explains that even while you keep the mitzvos you can still remain completely gashmiusdik, completely involved and enveloped by materialism.

I consider myself a Torah observant Jewess, and I try to keep the mitzvos and adhere to halacha, but yet, without doing anything actually assur, I am at times allowing my lower self to take over, causing my gashmius to be on top of my ruchnius.

What is it that drives me in life? What excites me? What do I live for? What do I look forward to? Is it all materialistic? Is it clothing? Money? Nice vacations? Fancy cars? Most delectable restaurants?

None of this is wrong. But when that becomes the center of my life, it means I´m a materialistic person, and at the end of the day, the ultimate purpose of Torah was not fulfilled by me. The purpose of Torah is to transform man from a semi animal to a semi God. It means to take my very strong sense of physicality and develop it into a strong sense of spirituality. To mold myself into someone dominated by my animal drive, like all my fellow physical beings, into someone dominated by my spiritual drive. To become someone capable of putting my neshama before my guf.

  

Many of the mitzvos we were given are meant to break the hold that gashmius has on us, like tzedaka, kosher, Shabbos, maaser…they put limits on our desires.

Back to the parsha, the marriage of Yitzchok and Rivka is a metaphor for our mission in life. We are all Eliezers. And our mission is to affect a shidduch even stranger than the one which Eliezer facilitated.

We are sent to this world to bring together in holy matrimony the eminent groom, God Almighty, and the reluctant bride, this mundane world. Seemingly, no two greater opposites exist: God radiates selflessness and spirituality, while the world exudes egotism and the primacy of materialism. Yet, we are expected to unite the two in perfect harmony by living spiritual Godly lives in this hostile environment, thus revealing within the world its truest, but deeply buried, nature -- its Godly essence. We can infuse our every act, even the most mundane ones, with spirituality and meaning; we can bring together Mars and Venus.

Finding perfection in life means emulating God. In this matrimony with Him called life, spirituality leads and materialism follows. As long as the ruach is above, the geshem will be below. And then we will be building worlds instead of destroying them.

The marriage of Yitzchok and Rivka didn´t just work; it created the entire Jewish nation.

 Have a beautiful shabbos!

Not Much Of A Compliment

The Possuk tells us that Noach was a good man. 

Oh, wait. He was a good man... in his generation. 

What kind of compliment is that? Imagine if I told you how young and beautiful you look... compared to my grandmother! This is a back handed compliment. What does the possuk mean by expressing that Noach was a tzadik, but only when compared to the men of his generation? If he had lived in Avraham's time, what would he have been considered?

So Rashi gives two contradictory views. There are those that view Noach favorably, and claim that in a more righteous generation, he'd have been more righteous. Others feel that since his generation was so corrupt, and were occupied excessively with adultery and thievery, and he was a straight man, comparatively, he was head and shoulders above them. But had he lived with people that were holy and straight, he'd have been considered worthless.

I think I understand the problem. I live in a mostly secular community. There are only a handful of observant Jews in my extended neighborhood. Being the 'Rebetzin' here, I often attend various events and affairs. While very elegant, and beautifully prepared, these parties are not quite what Im accustomed to. 

For example, the smoke filled room, the immodest dress, the mingling of genders, and a racket of contemporary rock music screaming into the room throughout the evening. I usually don't stay long. Although I want to be there to support the host, I dream of  returning to my secure little home- where its only ME and MY people and MY things. My own makom kodesh, where I listen to MY music and eat MY food and wear MY clothes.
 

And at this point, the self righteousness kicks in. 

Look at me, and look at them. They´re partying and smoking and sniffing, listening to  percussion based Latin rap, while I'm baking challah and listening to Yeshiva Boys Choir. And if I´m in an especially righteous mood, I may even turn on a shiur!  

WOW! LOOK AT THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THEM AND ME!

That's the problem. When we compare ourselves to people of a lower spiritual stature, of course we're better!  We follow the Torah and that´s the ultimate. I should be comparing myself to my friends in Eretz Yisrael! And to my friends in New York! And to anywhere where there's a thriving Jewish community, and then ask myself "AM I A TZADIK COMPARED TO THEM TOO?" Possibly not. I have to look at myself relative to who I am, where I come from, and who I can be. Average isn't good enough. I can be much better. And I can be a positive influence on everyone around me.

Noach worked for 120 years building his boat. Get that- 120 years! And no one- not one person- was brought under his positive influence. Its no coincidence that the name Noach means comfortable. He was just plain comfortable with life. He was content with his spiritual level. He was satisfied with himself. He was feeling self righteous. 

And THAT was the problem.

 The only person I have to be better than, is the person I was yesterday.

Have a beautiful shabbos!

Extreme Bullying

I recently read an authentic note that a small child had written to G-d:

"Dear G-d, maybe Cain and Abel would'nt have killed each other so much if they had had their own rooms. It works for me and my brother."

Talk about sibling rivalry. We all wanna kill our brothers sometimes, but not as literally as they seemed to have taken it. What could've caused such an extreme reaction? What could have led one brother to actually remove the other permanently from this world?

In this weeks Parsha, Bereishis, the torah speaks about the creation of the world. The very first concept mentioned was the creation of dark and light. Upon their arrival into the world, Hashem made a clearly defined statement. VAYAVDÉL ELOKIM BEIN HAOHR UBEN HACHOSHECH. Keep the dark and the light separate. Just as you would when sorting laundry. 

The darkness that we speak about is symbolic of the dark side of life. The yetzer horah. The sins we do. Our insecurities and anxieties. 

The light refers to our mitzvot. To the nisyonot and challenges we pass successfully. To our perseverance and endurance.  

The world is a safe and secure place as long as our darks and lights are separate from one another. As long as we have clearly defined boundaries.

This specific action I'm about to do, or reaction I'm about to have, does it belong to the dark side? Or does it fit in with light? As long as the differentiation is clear in our minds, there's no need for machlokes. When would an argument ensue? Only when the lines are blurred or undefinable. 

For example, the first argument to ever take place in the world:

When G-d created day #2, He said to separate the waters (on bottom) from the waters (on top). And then, this is the only day that He didnt follow up with "Ki Tov"- "this is good". 

 Midrash Rabba explains that the reason KI TOV was left out was because on this day, gehennom  (hell) was created, due to the machlokes- the separation of two bodies that share the same essence. The waters of heaven and the waters of earth.

Why was there a fight regarding the separation of heaven and earth, but not between light and dark? 

Because the boundaries between light and dark are so clearly defined, and so noticeable, that we instinctively separate the two and set each one up on their own turf. In contrast, the earthly waters and the heavenly waters remained equal and their boundaries aren't clearly defined because they share the same essence. Therefore, their separation was a cause for devisiveness, for argument, and for jealousy. 

Reading through the verses in the Torah, it's obvious that Kayin (Cain) consistently feels inferior to his younger brother Hevel (Abel). From the fact that the latter was born with a triplet, and himself only a twin, to Hevel's offering of choice fruit as opposed to his meager one... and he was so full of jealousy, that at one point it actually led him to remove his brother from the world. 

With clearly defined boundaries, when I know who I am and I'm content with what I find inside myself, there's no need to constantly compare myself to others. She is she and I am me. 
With apologies to Thomas Jefferson, all men are NOT created equal. Nor are all women. If two women are found wearing the same outfit at the same party, each one can suddenly be capable of first degree murder! I could only imagine any further forms of equality. 

We each have our own goals and we were each given our own individual tools to help us reach those goals. If I'm not content with myself, or with my own tools, and I covet what the other person has, then I've got a problem with the One who gave me what I've got! The root of jealousy is being unhappy with G-d's decision. 

So that little note-writing kid from the beginning of the article has a valid point. When people have their own defined boundaries, they get a clearer perception of self, and they are better able to accept and appreciate what they find inside.

"If you dont get what you want, you gotta want what you get".

Have a great Shabbos!