Parshas Vaeira

We're up to a child's favorite parsha.

 Blood, frogs, lions, dead animals... c'mon this is a school teachers dream week. She has full attendance and participation, no doubt, and she gets to jump around the room croaking and roaring, praying that no parent decides to make a surprise visit during this high energy week. 

This week, the Torah discusses seven of the famous ten plagues which G-d sent upon the Egyptians for the well known reason of persuading Paraoh to release the Jewish people from their bondage.

Rashi teaches that it was also to create an awareness of G-d in the Mitzrim, something which they were lacking.

Well, do you think the plan worked? Were Paraoh and the Egyptians afraid enough of the makot, plagues, to let the Jews free?

To find out, you'll have to tune in next week for the next episode of Skull caps and Mummies.

Meanwhile, let's look into the possuk  to see what's goin on.  Apparently Paraoh was suffering tremendously during each plague. He was practically crawling out of his skin (along with his lice buddies) in pain and discomfort. But then, suddenly, the possuk  writes that PARAOH SAW THAT THERE HAD BEEN A RELIEF...that Hashem had stopped the plagues. ...HE DIDNT HEED THEM...

As soon as the pain of the makot stopped, all of the discomfort associated with them disappeared as well. As soon as he was relieved from his horrors, he completely forgot about all his suffering.

Usually, when a person is in a situation that causes him pain or just unpleasantness, he makes a secret vow never to allow himself to enter into that kind of circumstance again.

I know someone who declared she's never giving birth to another child. Well, she made the same declaration 8 times.

Did you ever decide you're not touching one more chocolate bar, only to find yourself getting mileage on your credit card from Hershey's? Thank goodness for 'bli neder'. 

I think we're all on the same page over here.

Why does this happen?

 Because as time passes, the once painful experience turns into a distant memory. When the actual pain or discomfort is no longer felt, we lose the clarity of the physical feeling or emotion.  

Many times while suffering with something, we make promises and commitments of sorts, and most usually they are pretty short lived. Because as soon as the pain is no longer present, we return to our old, usually negative ways, pretty fast.

The best way to make sure we don't repeat the negative behaviors that we promised not to do, would be to stop and think right before we repeat the act. Next time you want to down your third bag of Hot Tamale chips in a row, just try and remember how the last time you did that you spent the whole night in the water closet throwing your guts up. That might serve as an incentive to stay away from making the same mistake.

 Ok, we'll shift away from the negative for now, since we have this problem in the positive too. Let's turn our focus there for a moment.

How many of us have gone to a really good shiur, let's say on the topic of shmirat halashon- guarding your tongue. You probably left the speech all inspired, and declared "I'm NEVER speaking loshon horah again!!"  Now tell me... or rather tells yourselves... how long did that vow last? You don't have to tell me, cuz I made the same resolution.  

What's the secret to getting inspired and remaining inspired, and to actually grow from the inspiration?

The prerequisite would be that  we have to know how to align our emotions.  We must be in touch with our feelings. Any time something happens, for the good or the better, be aware of how that makes you feel. Angry, happy, sad, grateful, inspired... the list is endless.

Once you know how you feel about something, only then can you decide where to store that emotion.

Dovid Hamelech had quite an emotional life. Each and every thing he experienced, for the good or the better, became a perek of Tehilim, each expressing a different emotion.

A few parshiot ago, when Yaakov went down to Mitzraim to meet his son, Yosef, that was a moment full of inspiration for Yaakov. He wanted to grab it and hold onto that moment forever. But, inspiration comes and goes.

So what did he do? He recited kriat sh'ma. But why? Surely he already davened that day, and I really don't think he was on his way to bed... so what was that all about?

Because Yaakov realized that if he wants to always hold on to the inspiration, he has to do something to make it everlasting. So he reacted by doing a mitzvah which is eternal.

If someone extended themselves on your behalf and you experience a feeling of gratitude, do something about it. That's the perfect opportunity to buy them a nice gift, to write a thank you card, do something positive that will help you hold on to your positive emotion.

Ever go sailing in a sailboat? It's actually  more fun than a motorboat. Here's how it works. If the sails are facing the wind, the boat will sail along nicely. As soon as you take the sails and turn them away from the wind, the boat will stand stationary in the ocean.

This is how it is with our emotions. If we turn to them and relate to them, we'll sail along beautifully. However, if we decide to turn ourselves away from them, and ignore them, we won't budge. And, if it stays there long enough, through rainstorms and heavy winds, it just might end up sinking.

Hold onto your inspiration- don't let it slip through your fingertips... Decide to take a positive step. Do something to make it last. Forever. 

"Happiness is... good health, and a bad memory"

Parshas Sh'mos

We live in a crazy world, with up-side-down priorities and non existent values. Not that you need proof or anything, but take a look at the Sports and Entertainment section in your local newspaper.

The Golf Superstar is... a black guy.

The Basketball champion is... Chinese.

The #1 rapper is... a white-man.

A bit backward you think?

 

Don't worry- when the insanity of life hits you, just hang in there and think of Parshas Sh'mos, and remember that Moshe was also a basket-case.

 

But our messed up galaxy isnt such a chiddush, (novelty). The fact that it was messed up 3,300 years ago is what's amazing. Lets take a peak into the corruption and try to understand the motive, reason, and solution.

 

If you pay close attention to the psukim, and if you're not yet immune to strange events, you'll appreciate an interesting discussion between Paraoh and the miyaldot, midwives.

Here are the points that bother me within those verses:

 

1. Instead of Paraoh sending out his army to kill all the new baby boys- as he would normally do, he goes, all by his royal self, to Yocheved and Miriam (the midwives) to have them commit his inhumane crimes.

2. Paraoh wastes all his bad breath by giving over special signs to the midwives, explaining in detail how to differentiate between the boys and the girls. Rashi spells out for us what those simanim were: If the baby's head is facing downward, it's a boy, and face up means a girl.

 Now, anyone with an IQ of 70 and above would be deemed capable of distinguishing between the genders, without the helpful tips of His Royal Harness. I think.

3. Yocheved and Miriam's response is a bit weird. They claimed that the situation is out of their control, since the Jewish women are giving birth alone, without their assistance, and therefore, by the time they arrive on the scene, the babies are out.  So what? As soon as it's out, if it's a boy, kill the kid.

4. Throughout the whole dialog, the main character is sometimes called Paraoh, and sometimes melech Mitzraim, the king of Egypt. Is that something significant, or at some point they just forgot his name?

 

 So, the Torah refers to the king as melech Mitzraim in the beginning of the story. That's because he was trying to act in the manner of a king. He had to be fair and just and honest. If he would give the impression that he was making a law that was cruel or unfair, perhaps the people would revolt. So by approaching the miyaldot personally, as opposed to having his army kill the boys, he was trying to give over some semblance of law. He's covering up his evil scheme in a mantel of justice. 

"There are too many people in Egypt. We can't feed so many mouths. We don't have enough mummy garb to go around." He would never say outright to kill them once they're already born, so he suggested, for demographic purposes, to murder them before they're actually born. 

 

In more contemporary words, he isn't killing any baby boys; he's commanding forced abortions! He was teaching them the simanim with the head (faced up or down) so that before the baby's officially born, if they see it's a boy, they kill him.

Paraoh was the first Pro Choice activist.

Roe vs. Wade vs. Paraoh.

 

Now is when the miyaldot call him Paraoh. With this one simple word, an entire conversation took place indirectly.

"You think you'll fool us ? You're no melech Mitzraim. You're Paraoh the murderer. The rasha. Killing the kid before he's born is the same as after. Today you're killing before they're born.... but tomorrow you'll be murdering after they're alive, too." 

 Which is exactly what happened.

 

[And, by the way, there was no one more appropriate to give Paraoh that mussar shmooze than Yocheved. She was indicating that she, herself is the proof that a child prebirth, is just as much of a human being as a child after birth. When the Jews were going down to Mitzraim, they were counted as shivim nafesh, 70 people. In reality, there were only 69 people traveling down to Egypt. What did they do, round it out to the nearest whole number? No. Yocheved wasn't born yet, but she was on the way. She was still in the womb, but nonetheless, was completely counted as a human being.]

 

Paraoh was using a certain strategy to cover up his crime, making believe it was the right thing to do. This is a strategy many of us use, many times, to convince ourselves or others that we're doing the right thing.

 

This is the concept of   RATIONALIZATION.

What is rationalization?

Rationalization means making up a good reason for something, instead of admitting the true reason.

Rationalization is so common, that if we were to stop doing it, the silence would give us a headache. We rationalize to others, giving excuses or logical explanations as to why we did or didn't do something, but a LOT of rationalizing goes on internally- within ourselves, many times without even realizing what we're doing.

Why do we do this?

When we're not able to admit to something, we try to cover it up. We give a logical sounding reason, thereby allowing us to not have to face the truth. It's a defense mechanism.

 

Ok, picture for a second, a typical market place with merchants trying to sell their goods. There's one man, in a little booth, selling excuses. "Ladies and gentlemen, excuses for sale! Buy them before they're used. Hot for now, cold for later. Excuses for sale!!"

One of his neighboring merchants turned to him and told him that he's seen him selling excuses for 20 years already, and he still has no money. He wanted to know what he's doing wrong.

"That's the way it is with excuses", he said. "Even if people buy them, they never make you rich".

 

It has been said that success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan. When someone is successful, they take a lot of credit for it, but when they fail, they look around for someone or something to blame it on. A traumatic upbringing, bad luck, and unhappy marriage, bad teachers in kindergarten, friends, chavrusas, therapists...- anyone but themselves.

 

What's so bad about making excuses?

The only way to improve a situation is to recognize that we, ourselves are responsible for our situation.

If someone has a temporal problem, and is prone to coming late, he can have all the excuses in the world, and people might actually buy them, but they'll never 'make him rich'. He'll never improve and grow from the problem.

If we keep blaming others, even if it's legitimate we won't ever find a solution, and we will forever remain on that level, with that weakness.

 

Let's have in mind that even if people excuse us with our rationalizations, and we end up fooling them, and we get off "free", we can never really get off free. Because our conscience will constantly scold us and make us miserable, since we  know it's all just a cover.

We can run, but we can't hide.... from ourselves. Face it, and deal with it.

Rationalize= Rational Lies

Parsha Vayigash

As the exciting story of Yosef in Mitzraim continues to unfold, we're brought to a very emotional scene. Yaakov comes down to visit Yosef after not seeing his precious son for 22 years. The background music begins to play softly, building up to a dramatic climax, where father and son walk toward each other, hearts pounding with excitement. Suddenly, the possuk tells us something, which gives us brand new insight to the meaning of the script. It says, VAYEIRAH EILAV... HE APPEARED BEFORE HIM. Whoa!  He blows us away with his wording. Yosef wasn't going to see his father, but to be seen by him. Although Yosef was aching to reunite with his loving father, he was able to put his powerful emotions on hold, in order to be able to do this mitzvah of giving pleasure to his father, without ulterior motives. This is the concept of L'sheim shamayim, acting in the name of G-d, in its truest form.

Doing things L'sheim shamayim, for the sake of G-d, is a consistent theme throughout the life of Yosef.
After he met his brothers, he instructed everyone in Egypt to pack up and move to different cities. Simple as that. Imagine if President Obama got up and announced that on January 14, 2012, everyone in LA will have to switch places with all the people in NY. How many of us will actually listen?
And Yosef wasn't finished with his strange new laws. Not yet. Not until each member of the male gender received a bris milah. Forget it Mr. Obama- don't even go there.
But you know what? Everyone went along with this. Without a hafgana, no protest, no demonstration, no orange ribbons or bracelets... they got up and obeyed his commands.

So... what was his trick? Why did everyone listen to him?

Because they all knew, without a doubt, that everything he was doing was l'sheim shamayim. Because it always was. It was clear to everyone that nothing he did was for his own benefit or need.

When we do things l'sheim shamayim, and with sincerity, people realize the holiness and G-dliness in what we're doing. They sense the altruism of our actions. When we behave without selfishness, and without the need for self gratification, there's a certain siyata dishmaya we receive which makes people admire and respect us for what we've done, and hopefully, a desire to follow our lead. That's why doing things for the right reasons is a guarantee for lifetime success.

I live in a community that is not yet fully in touch with its Jewish identity. Sometimes I feel uncomfortable, and even out of place, by often looking and behaving differently than many of my neighbors and associates, since G-d's Torah commands me to do so. Incredibly, though, after attending meetings or parties in non kosher homes and being consistent with the laws of kashrut, and being consistent with not dancing at mixed weddings, and being consistent by being different on many different levels, in various occasions, many people have  expressed admiration and respect at my family's sincerity and strict, uncompromisable adherence to what we believe is correct. Actions that are done l'sheim shomayim, for the sake of heaven, can only be viewed positively, and will hopefully make a proper kiddush Hashem.

Wherever Yosef went people commented KI HASHEM IMO...HASHEM IS WITH HIM. It became a pattern, and everyone realized. Why was Hashem always with him? Because he was with Hashem. He was always focused on doing what He, with a capital H wanted. He didn't go out to see Yaakov for his own best interest, he withheld his own emotions in order to fill his whole being with what Hashem wanted.

It's not the actions that count as much as the motivation behind them.
If someone has an orchestra and plays at weddings and other affairs for parnassah, livelihood, he can have two different motivations, followed by two different results. Either he can get up and go to his next wedding to play music, since this is his job, or he can attend the next wedding with the intentions of being mikayem the mitzvah of being misameach chosson v'kallah, bringing joy to a bride and groom. The job is the same. The hours are the same. The paycheck is the same. But- the motivation is different, and therefore, the reward is different, and, most importantly, the person becomes different.

We should all be able to do the right things for the right reasons.

"To be G-d's servant, you have to be your own master".

Parshas Mikeitz

A few years ago, when the Intifada was raging and there was fear and trepidation in the air, an old man in his 80's remarked to me "Nu, I'm waiting for some Divine Intervention".  Helloooo, this IS Divine intervention. You gotta be blind not to see it. You think everything going on is happening all on its own? Yes, it's true that if there is a G-d, then all of this suffering doesn't make too much sense. But if there wasn't a G-d, then nothing would make any sense.

During the Golf war in '91, after endless miracles revealed to the masses, reporters questioned a woman who was openly saved from her building's explosion, "So, what's your response to all these incredible miracles?" "Miracles?" She answered, "these aren't miracles. These kind of things always happen in Eretz Yisroel!"

 We can choose to see, or we can choose to be blind.

VAYEHI MIKEITZ SHNASAYIM YAMIM...AND IT WAS AT THE END OF TWO YEARS..., opens up the parsha, telling us about Yosef's release from prison.

Why does the possuk have to mention the exact number of years? As long as we know that Yosef was livin it up, partying all night with the Butler and the Baker, (and the Candlestick maker?) that's what counts. Important facts, like his one- on- one with Sar Hamashkim, and how many shots got him under the table. What do we care how long he was locked up for?

Many people think Yosef was freed from jail because he was the 'man of Paroah's dreams'. Actually, thats not entirely true. As a matter of fact, his interpreting the dreams for the king had NOTHING to do with the timing of his release. This is a false conception.

Way back in the beginning, Hashem made a cheshbon (accounting), and decided that he was supposed to be in prison for a certain amount of years. But, running the world the way He chooses to, G-d needed to use a realistic 'reason' to unlock the doors, which is why He caused Yosef to make a good impression on the Sar Hamashkim, who thereby relayed Yosef's talents to Paroah, who thus hired him to interpret for him, rippling all the way to his release.

Not by coincidence, the Hebrew word mikreh, which means coincidence, can be scrambled a bit to read rak meHashem, only from G-d. 

In addition, when Yosef's talents as interpreter were becoming apparent, it was a great opportunity for him to toot his own horn. But instead we find him saying something quite impressive. He says HALOH L'ELOKIM PISRONIM,SAPRU NA LI... DON'T INTERPRETATIONS BELONG TO HASHEM? PLEASE TELL THEM TO ME. Even though he's giving brilliant answers to the sar hamashkim, he takes no credit for the siaata dishmaya that helped him answer correctly. Yosef had such obvious belief and trust in G-d, that there was no doubt in his mind that every single occurance in life is being directed and controlled by the One Above. This bitachon gave him enough self confidence that he had no need to rub in ego.

A friend of mine was in a car accident a few years ago. It was totally not her fault. She had the right of way, but the other guy just came out of nowhere. He smashed into her before she even noticed he was there. She only had minor damage B"H, but as she sat there in absolute shock and fear, she was able to collect herself and be calmed by acknowledging a vital point: There was no way she had any control over what just happened. It was so obvious that this had happened because Hashem decided it should. And in addition to climbing to a new level in her bitachon (trust in Gd), she was also very comforted by those encouraging thoughts.

We can choose to see, or we can choose to be blind.

In Judaism, it's of utmost importance to have a positive self image and a healthy self esteem.  When one has a low level of self esteem, it can interfere with many significant aspects of his life. It can impede his career, or create difficulties in achieving ones goal. It may cause someone to marry someone beneath their standards. It can gravely affect the way one is mechanech their children. And, it gets in the way of the person's own, personal avodas Hashem (service of G-d).

Yosef and his brothers were living in Mitzraim. Thanx to Yosef's high position in the palace, they had a lot of good coming to them. But... all good things come to an end. Eventually, the shvatim (tribes) all passed away. Interestingly, it seems to be that the Jews still continued to have many of the privileges they had had while the brothers were still alive, so from where did they get that protectzia?

Their self esteem was implanted by Yosef. He instilled in them a certain confidence, which was a source of awe for the Mitzriyim (Egyptians) with their more limited self esteem. This helped them successfully get whatever they needed.

There was a study done on muggers. When a mugger chooses a victim, he follows him. If the victim seems nervous and unsure, (keeps looking back, or checks his pockets...) thats when the mugger will attack. But if he walks with confidence, he gives off an impression that there's nothing to hide, thereby causing the attacker to lose interest.

Practicing this activity can be very beneficial in many areas in life. Even if you really are guilty of something, try walking and behaving with confidence, and the chances of you being blamed are slim. How do you think I made it through high school?

Achieving a proper level of emunah and bitachon is closely related to our level of self esteem. The way a person boosts their self respect and confidence, is with emunah and bitachon. If someone's trust in Hashem drops, their self esteem is the first thing to go. Why? Because he'll no longer feel the tzelem Elokim (image of G-d) inside, and the protection of G-d. He loses it.

Look for a second at the Hebrew word DAAGA, which means WORRY. The  letters which spell that word are dalet, aleph, gimel, hay. These would be the first 5 letters of the Hebrew alphabet, except for one thing. The letter bais is missing. But it's for a good reason. Bais stands for bitachon. When there's a daaga,a worry, bitachon is missing.

When we realize that Hashem is running the world, and constantly involved with every aspect of our lives, it creates in us a confidence that's solid and firm. Nothing and no one can break through it.

Isn't this the best Life Insurance policy to sign up for?

 

And as a side point, its Chanuka this week. How on earth did the tiny little Jew team win over the victorious Greek nation? Think confidence. Think bitachon.

 

Leave all your worries to G-d. He's up all night anyway.

Parshas Vayeshev

Someone actually asked me the following question: "Why does Yosef make the same mistake every year. He tattles on his brothers and then they end up selling him. Doesn't he learn his lesson?"
Um.

 So what exactly was it that he told his father? Three things:

1-He caught them eating from an animal without previously slaughtering it.

2- They were behaving immorally with women.

3- He heard Leah's sons calling the sons of Bilhah and Zilpah, 'servants'.

 

Now, have in mind that the accused offenders were talmidei chachamim (Torah scholars). They were people who listened to the word of G-d. So something seems wrong with this picture. The truth is, there are some pieces missing from the story.

The shvatim (tribes) had in their possession a special book on kabbalah which was handed down from Adam Harishon. This book is called SEFER HAYETZIRA. Through various kabbalistic methods brought down in this book, they were able to create beings that appeared to be real, but were mere, human-made copies. Cloning, perhaps. Two of the activities they've done were, creating an animal, which they were able to eat from alive, since it wasn't authentic but man made. And, they had built a woman, which is the woman Yosef had seen them with. But she, too, was a fake. Bring it on, Mr. Potter!

 

(As a side point, this is the sefer (book) that was used in Prague to create the famous Golem.)

 

Well, the young sons of Bilhah and Zilpah saw some action over on the side where Leah's older sons had been huddling, and curiosity overcame them. So they went to assess the situation. As soon as the delinquents approached however,  the older brothers shut them out, calling them 'servants', indicating that they were too young to be involved with learning kabbalah. They were not on the same spiritual level as the older shvatim, or even as Madonna, and therefore, studying the depths of kabbalah was beyond them. 

 

So the problem was that Yosef was so quick to do his self appointed job as Family Mashgiach, that although his intentions were righteous, he tattled on his brothers before looking at the whole picture. He should've looked deeper at the situation before jumping to conclusions.

 

Then, what else did Yosef do incorrectly? He knew his brothers hated him. It was no secret. And yet, he wasn't fazed. He thought it would pass. Therefore, notwithstanding their animosity toward him, he went and told them his second dream, once again threatening them with his power over them. That was very inappropriate. Not to mention that he felt the need to repeat it yet a third time.

 

Obviously, this was coming from a place of naivete, and his problem was that he was completely unaware of what the long term effects of his actions will be.

HE WAS ONLY LOOKING AT THE SMALL PICTURE. The here and now. He failed to realize the long term consequences. He carried the attitude "If they feel threatened by me, it's their problem", when in reality, he was guilty of causing their jealousy and hatred.

 

There's a reason the Torah refers to Yosef as a  naar, a young boy. In other words, IMMATURE. A mature person looks ahead. He takes the whole picture into consideration. He tries to understand what the consequences of his actions will be. 

 

One who makes an impulsive decision without taking into account the results of his choice, allows us to believe he's acted immaturely.

 

When I was 17 years old, I decided to take Drivers Ed. I thought that a crash course in driving wouldnt be a great idea so I opted for the regular lessons. There are a few things I'll never forget about my driving teacher. The most important of all, is that he was a diabetic. Which is why it confused me to see him constantly eating Entenmans sugar coated dognuts with sweet coffee. Then of course, a pack of Marlboro light to help with digestion. So when I asked him why he's not being more careful about his health, his response shocked me, but left  a lasting impression. "I can't think about the future- it won't let me enjoy the present".  He died soon after.

Focusing on the HERE AND NOW can end up with a problematic THERE AND THEN. A mature person takes in the whole picture, and tries to understand what the consequences of his choices will be.

 

SHLOMO HAMELECH writes in mishlei, LECH EL NEMALA, ATZEL...,GO TO THE ANT, YOU  LAZY GUY.  What could we possibly learn from an ant?  What does he do that's so worthy of comparison? The ant is mature. Every season, he works long and hard gathering and setting aside enough food for the following season.  He looks ahead. And that's maturity. (Most of his merchandise is collected from your counter top, by the way.)

 

So, when you have an unbeatable urge to yell at someone, even if the person deserves it,  it may feel like a big relief in short term... but focusing on the long term, it destroys the relationship.

"There are two types of people: Those who stop to think; and those who stop thinking."

Parshas Vayishlach

There's a well known Carelbach song from a possuk in this weeks Torah reading: VAYIVASER YAAKOV LIVADO, VAYIAVEK ISH IMO...

 Eisav's malach (angel) suddenly appears and attacks Yaakov. How did Yaakov allow himself to be caught in such a vulnerable position? Didn't he know that he can't be alone at night when He Who Must Not Be Named is in power?!?

What was little, innocent Yaakov doing all by himself on the other side of the river?

The possuk tells us that he went back for the pachim k'tanim, the little vessels that he accidentally left behind.

Ummmm... he risked getting beaten to a pulp to retrieve his worthless, little bottles? He was willing to give up his life, for the 5 cent refund?!

And also, what was the real meaning of the fight between them?

By the commandment of lo sachmod, do not covet, the IBN EZRA addresses a valid point.

Hey, I'm human. If I see something I like, I want it.
 Now, I'm not promoting Kleptomania.  We have no right to rob someone of what they have, but I definitely will desire one of my own.  It's an instinctive feeling that apparently can't be controled. So how can we have an issur of lo sachmod (do not covet) commanded to human beings?

Let's use our imagination for a moment. We'll travel back to a time and place much different than the days we know.  In the times of old, the people were split into two categories. The Aristocrats- the high and mighty snobs, who would rather die than give eye contact or say a word to the second category, who were the Peasants. They were farmers- low-lives who toiled and labored all day.

They also had kings. Today, when we hear "king", we think of the one on a deck of cards, or on a chess board. We can't understand the full importance and might of a king, since that concept is nonexistent in our lives. But, if the Aristocrats were snotty and high, imagine who the king was.

Ok. Now, what do you think would happen if Yentel the shadchan called up Old McDonald, the farmer, and proposed a prospective marriage partner to him-- the daughter of  King John Paul the 82nd? 

The princess?!?!? No way! It wouldn't even cross his mind to marry the princess. He doesnt even desire to marry the princess. He knows that it's completely out of his range. It's a world beyond him. When something is out of your league, you don't even desire it because you know that it's impossible.

A person who has proper hashkafa, and understands that the world runs on hashgacha pratis (Divine Providence), knows that EVERYTHING he's got was given to him for a reason. And anything else, is just beyond his range, and he doesnt need it, nor want it.

I never buy clothing that are "one size fits all". Aside from the fact that "one size fits all" is always one size too small on me, I like to buy clothing that fit me perfectly. Even if I find the most beautiful outfit, if the fit is wrong, it looks awful.

Everything we have- our families, looks, personality, brains, money, jobs, whatever it may be, Hashem custom made each package for each individual person. All of our life circumstances were made just to our size. A perfect fit. To think that I'd be better off with more or less of anything, would be buying "one size fits all", and ruining the perfect look.

A few years ago, I surprised two of my students who were hard workers, and deserved a vacation. I bought them tickets to two vastly different, but equally exciting places in the world. Chana was going to Florida, and Rivka was going to Alaska. I told them each to pack what they needed for their trips, and I'll meet them outside the dorm. I waited... and waited... and waited... no one emerged. Who wouldnt take me up on such an offer? Going inside to see what was causing the delay, I couldn't believe what I saw. Chana went to spy on Rivka to see what she put into her suitcase. A scarf!? Boots?!? I don't have those!, and she quickly ran to throw hers in. Well, Rivka, then noticed Chana's swimsuit and sunscreen, and immediately went and added hers into her suitcase. This went on and on, until believe it or not, Chana was ready for her vacation in Florida with her earmuffs and hot cocoa, while Rivka was off to Alaska with her  flip flops and iced tea. Well, Chana turned into a pancake, and Rivka became an igloo. And they lived happily ever after.

(This is a fictitious story, but hey, you get the point).

If I don't like what's in my suitcase, I'VE GOT A PROBLEM WITH THE PACKER! The bottom line in the middah of kinah, jealousy, is that I BELIEVE I SHOULD HAVE THAT, which, in essence means I DON'T THINK G-D KNOWS WHAT HE'S DOING. Ouch. The underlying cause of jealousy, therefore, would be a LACK OF BITACHON.

One who is satisfied with each aspect of his life, he's happy with the suitcase that was packed for him, he appreciates clothing that fit him properly, he's sameach b'chelko, happy with his lot, this is a person who achieved a proper level of bitachon (trust in G-d). And, this someone wouldn't even DESIRE what the next one has, since he knows it's completely out of his league.  

Yaakov had so much appreciation for every aspect of his life. Each and every article he possessed was a special gift from G-d. Yes, even those pachim k'tanim. They were so valuable to him, that he risked his very life to protect them.

The midrash teaches that Eisav stole the begadim chamudim, precious clothing of Adam Harishon from Nimrod. A person only steals when he feels he's lacking something. 

The fight that took place between Yaakov and the angel of Eisav, wasnt just a  physical boxing match. There'd be no point; no one was watching. It was a deeper,  spiritual, philosophical war. Eisav, who felt incomplete, who always desired more, who needed to fill his void through thievery was trying to beat the sameach b'chelko out of Yaakov.

And Eisav was too chicken to do it himself. He came to create a Peace Process by going to meet Yaakov, and he inappropriately brought along 400 people to this long awaited family reunion... And even with that whole army, with more weapons than any dentist, he knew he could NEVER win a man who's sameach b'chelko. So, he sent his angel, who's name not coincidentally happens to be S-imael, which means to blind. Metaphorically, he was trying to blind Yaakov from seeing and appreciating all the good that he has.

Well, needless to say, Yaakov was victorious (yeah!) and immediately after, his name was changed to YISROEL. Hence, YISROEL BETACH B'HASHEM. He sure proved it.

 Peace Processes never seem to work out.

Let's take out just 60 seconds each day to find and appreciate one little thing in our lives and say out loud "Thank you Hashem for_________", and maybe we'll all live up to yisroel betach b'Hashem, and we'll never be able to suffer the agony of defeat.

"We don't know what we have until we lose it, but we also don't know what we're missing until it arrives".

Parshas Vayeitzei

Yaakov waited seven years to marry Rachel. And then another seven years. That's fourteen years. He must've been doing real thorough research. RASHI says that all those years were like YAMIM ACHADIM, A FEW DAYS.

 

Think for a second. If you were waiting desperately to marry someone, marking off each day on the calendar with a glow-in-the-dark marker so you can see it while lying in bed, too, and you had a custom calendar made just for you because you had to wait seven years since he was still in college and he changed his major each semester (but he kept the same bride).... would it really feel like "just a few days"? Maybe just a few centuries? How could it possibly be that all those years felt to Yaakov like YAMIM ACHADIM?

 

There were two different parts of the process:

1. Seven years of waiting.

2. Seven years of working.

The waiting part, no doubt was extremely difficult. The working part was practically effortless since the payment was so well worth it.

If you have the means to give someone $10 million, then $1 million seems like nothing.

To Yaakov, Rachel was worth so much that he'd do anything to get her.

 

In Eishes Chayil, Shlomo Hamelech describes the virtuous woman. One aspect of her idealism is stated in the fourth possuk: DARSHA TZEMER UFISHTIM, VATAAS B'CHEIFETZ KAPEHA. Focusing on the second half, which is the part that's appropriate for our discussion, it says SHE WORKS WILLINGLY WITH HER HANDS.

 

As long as her work gets done, who really cares whether it's done willingly or not?

 

Didn't your mother ever tell you "Do it with a smile, or don't do it at all!" ?

Truthfully speaking, she does have an option. She can do her work unwillingly. Most of us get through the day, doing mundane tasks without much enthusiasm. But, we do what's required in fear of the consequence of NOT doing it.

 

What happens if my perfect, spotless, OCD neighbor comes over and sees I have Mount Everest growing out of my fleishig sink? And don't worry, Matzada's in the milchig one. And her left high healed shoe is standing in solitude at the door because it got stuck on the leftovers of my daughter's PB & J sandwich from..... yesterday. How would I feel (theoretically, of course)? Embarrassed.

 

And if an employee has a certain quota to fill by 5:00, regardless of his rapport with his boss, and whether or not he likes his work, if he wants to keep his job (and consequentially, his wife) he better finish that pile.

 

So, most of the time, we tend to our demanding, mundane activities without much desire or enthusiasm, in order to avoid facing the consequences of NOT doing them.

 

The GRA (VILLNA GAON), speaks about the unhappiness of a person who doesnt enjoy the process leading to his goal.

 

A few years ago, I decided to pursue my long awaited dream of playing the piano. So, while very busy with my family, home, and work, I added piano lessons to my agenda. The only time during the day I had available to practice, was at 2 in the morning, after a long, hard day. I dreaded those practices. Sometimes I would even clean the fridge rather than practice. It was such torture. I just wanted to be Beethoven already. I dreamed of my long, silky fingers flying effortlessly along the majors and minors, producing gorgeous, melodious compositions. But.... I didnt wanna practice. I despised it. So....I quit.

 

In order to reach a destined goal, a process of some sort is required. If it's done with enthusiasm and enjoyment, life is more enjoyable for the player, as well as for all the other participants that surround him. IF YOU FOCUS ON THE EFFORT, YOU'LL HARDLY NOTICE THE PLEASURE, BUT IF YOU FOCUS ON THE PLEASURE, YOU'LL HARDLY NOTICE THE EFFORT.

 

Yaakov could've dreaded those years, during which he would've been miserable, causing his misery to influence anyone in his vicinity. But he knew that the consequences would be terrible. He had so much enthusiasm and enjoyment during the 'waiting process' that the years literally felt like very few.

 

Enjoying the process leading to the goal is an important part of fully achieving that goal.

 

 

"The highest reward for toil is not what you get for it, but what you become from it".