Holy Cow!

Have you ever herd of the Red Cow?

In this week's parsha we learn of the mitzvah of the Parah Adumah [RedHeifer]. Rashi says that this mitzvah is known as the quintessential "chok". A “chok” is a mitzvah in which we don’t understand the reason.

As I write this, I wonder about the connection between the Red Heifer and the bulls who star in bullfights. The way the Matadors provoke the bulls to fight is by waving a red cloth at them, which is so terribly irritating to them that they get riled up and charge at the fighter. Something about their red ancestor? Perhaps not having been chosen as the unique red one? Its highly probable that there’s no connection at all.

Mooovin along, the mitzvah of Parah Adumah is, in fact, a tremendous paradox. The Parah Adumah was used to be me'taher people who were Tameh Meis. To purify those that have become impure through contact with a corpse. People who have the impurity of Tameh Meis have no way of achieving purity other than by means of the Parah Adumah. Yet, on the other hand, any person who had anything to do with the preparing or the carrying or the sprinkling of the Parah Adumah became ritually impure, himself. 

The paradox of the Parah Adumah, thus, is that it makes those who are impure, pure and those who are pure, impure.

Our Rabbis tell us that the verse in Koheles [7:23] "All this I tried to understand with my wisdom; I said I will figure it out, but it is still distant from me" refers to Shlomo stating that he understood the entire Torah, except for the chapter of Parah Adumah which remained elusive --despite all his inquiry.

The Medrash further states that G-d told Moshe, "To you I will explain the paradox of Parah Adumah, but to every other human being I will always hide its mystery." However the Medrash does say that in the Messianic Era, G-d will finally explain to us the mystery of Parah Adumah.

 G-d made a deliberate and conscious effort to keep the mystery of Parah Adumah hidden from us. Shlomo, with his unparalleled wisdom, should have been able to understand Parah Adumah. But G-d said, "I've got to keep this a secret. There is a reason. I will tell it to Klal Yisroel in the distant future. But for now, no one can understand Parah Adumah."

Why? Does G-d want to prove that He is smarter than us? Is this a game where G-d dangles something in front of us, teasing us with our inability to figure it out? 

Is G-d being a Matador and waving the Red Cow in front of us to provoke us?  

 The reason G-d hid the understanding of Parah Adumah from us, is to teach us a vital lesson. There are things in life that are just inexplicable. We must learn the lesson that things will happen in life that we will never be able to understand. We will come across things that will be terrible paradoxes, things that have apparently no rhyme and no reason.

What is this area of paradox that parallels Parah Adumah? 
It is the area of Tzadik v'ra lo and Rasha v'Tov lo.

 It’s the famous troublesome question of the ages:  
Why do bad things happen to good people, and vise versa?

The same way Parah Adumah is a paradox that makes absolutely no sense, there exists a paradox in life that we meet time and time and time again.

Logic would dictate just the reverse: A person is righteous, he is a noble Jew and unfortunately he suffers. Another person is wicked, he does everything that is forbidden and he is wealthy and prospers and has honor. Does this even make sense?!

G-d makes no errors. He runs the world with a plan. This is not illogical, it’s a paradox!

For some reason, that is the way that G-d made His world. We will have to deal with that issue and problem. 
So, G-d educated us in paradoxes. That education is the Parah Adumah.

This is a tremendous education. Today, we think of Parah Adumah as an obscure mitzvah. We learn about it in the Chumash. We don't really know what it is talking about.
But during the time of the Temple, the laws of Parah Adumah were extremely relevant. Invariably, one came into contact with dead people; one went to funerals; one became tameh. Then what? One could not eat Kodshim Kalim; one could not eat Ma'aser; one could not go to certain places in Jerusalem until one became Tahor.

So, Parah Adumah was certainly something that happened many times a year and was often a daily occurrence. Every single time, a Jew would be faced with the same paradox. He walks in tameh and walks out tahor while the Kohen would walk in tahor and walk out tameh. It does not seem to make sense, but at least the Jew would be exposed to and get accustomed to a paradox.

The Jew would learn that there are some things in this world that don't seem to make sense. That is why G-d hid the reason for Parah Adumah from us and it is also why in he future He will explain Parah Adumah to us.

 In the future we WILL understand all the paradoxes of life. The one about the Red Cow, and also the udder ones. 

But right now, G-d purposely keeps them a secret, in order to understand that we just CAN’T understand because we’re not supposed to understand it. 
That in itself supplies tremendous satisfaction and consolation.

 Have a great shabbos!

Korach, The Bully

There are a few things that annoy me at the supermarket.
 
When I´m done unloading my wagon contents onto the checkout counter, and the cashier asks me, ¨Will that be all?¨
 
No, ma´am, I´d like all this invisible stuff, too.
 
Then, say, on a rare occasion, like when I run out at 6 am because I have nothing in the house  to send the kids to school with, and I only have a few bottles of milk, bread, snacks, and fruit on the counter, and the cashier asks, ¨Would you like a bag?¨
 
Nah, that´s ok. I can juggle 10 items...12 is my limit.
 
And lastly, there´s the friendly ¨Can I help you?¨
 
Ok, I know what you´re confused about. That kind gesture offering assistance should not be bothering me; It should be reassuring me.
 
But, I remain suspicious as to whom the sales person hopes to help. 
Do they have my best interest in mind, or their own? Do they need to look busy? Receive commission per costumer?
 
How many times have they not located what I requested, or they waved me off stating they don´t carry it, only for me to have found it in the next aisle?
The agenda runs interference with our ability to trust.

This week’s Torah reading relates the story and downfall of Korach and his followers in their rebellion against Moshe. The basis of Korach’s complaint was that the entire nation is holy, and therefore there was no need for Moshe to serve as leader and Aaron as the high priest.
Korach was a gifted orator. He was pursuasive, convincing, and charming. He was a leader who was righteous and respected.
 
But underneath his self-righteous image lies the essence of a manipulator: someone who shrewdly and deviously attempts to control.
A manipulator is someone who has mastered the art of aggression disguised as helpfulness, good intentions, or working "for the good of the people". These people are brilliant at hiding their true motives.
Pretending to pursue the greater good, he adopts the mantra of “people first” with a fervency that inspires admiration and respect, and most people accept his claims of selfless pursuit of noble causes.


The Parsha states, And Korach took…

He took: He seduced the heads of the Sanhedrin with soft speech. (Rashi)

He took …a bad business for himself. (Tactate Sanhedrin 109B)

He took: He assumed the right to himself (Rabbi S.R. Hirsch)

What exactly did Korach take? The verse is purposefully ambiguous about what it was that Korach took perhaps to imply all of the above and more. The Chovos Halevovos offers a prescription on how to be a good neighbor or friend that may help us to understand where Korach went awry and why.
 
He writes that one must be sincerely concerned about everyone in their lives. That he should endeavor to meet his duties toward them to fulfill their wishes. He should be their steadfast supporter in all their concerns and advise them what is advantageous to them.
 
He should do this to serve G-d as it written, “Love your neighbor as yourself”, “Do not hate your brother in your heart”. Not because he hopes to be repaid by them, not to make them indebted to him, not because he loves to be honored and praised by them, not to have authority over them, but rather to fulfill the commandment of the Creator and to keep His covenant and His ordinances in their regard.

He continues...If his motive in fulfilling their wishes is one of those ulterior motives mentioned above, he will not obtain what he wants from them in this world, he will labor in vain, and he will lose his reward in the World-to-Come. If, however, he acts solely out of service to G-d, then G-d will help them (his beneficiaries) to repay him in this world and will put his praises in their mouths and will increase his stature in their eyes.

 The Chovos HaLevavos gives a clear “if/then” promise without any qualifications. If one engages personal interactions with a selfish motive then the mission will certainly fail. However, if one acts out of a sense of dutiful concern then success is guaranteed.
Take the seder table, for example. The child who is asked to recite “Mah Nishtana” to impress the guests will also more likely freeze and fail recognizing subconsciously he is being asked to risk humiliation to offer someone else a feeling of success or nachas.
 
If a parent, teacher, mentor, or anyone in a leadership position can convince a person that they have his or her best interest at heart then they can really begin to work wonders. The relationship becomes inspired with genuine respect. The person’s needs are perceived as an end and not just a means.

Watch out for charismatic leaders or ambitious coworkers. Make sure their hearts are in the right place.
 
Being a celebrity is a thrilling concept. The world, or parts of it, is in the hands of a celebrity. They can change whatever needs changing, or fix whatever needs fixing. The people soak up their every word, laugh at every joke, and imitate their every action. They have the luxury to do as they so desire without explanation. They can see the world, and be seen by the world. They get to be in the front lines.
 
But a celebrity doesn´t have to be rich to be famous.
 
It can be any one of us, or anyone we know.
 
It starts out with a sincere desire to develop ones talents, and make a difference in the world.  It starts by feeling a genuine desire to educate, inspire, and entertain people with captivating words.
 
But being a public figure requires more emphasis on the external, which gets rationalized because it´s for the greater good. And being a public figure means getting fan mail, which feels nice, since it means you´re making a difference in peoples´ lives. It also feels nice, because now you´re a celebrity.
 
When the internal becomes external, we have to stop and question our motives. Are we manipulating our followers? Am I enjoying the attention a bit too much? Are my intentions still as sincere as they were before the spotlight blinded me? And if they are sincere, am I carrying them out in the right way?Am I being creative, or emotionally controlling? Am I hurting as many people as I´m building?
 
Do I have their best interest in mind, or my own?
Nobody wants to be a mere instrument for somebody else´s aggrandizement, a stepping stool or even a medal on their chest. Even if a person is pleasant and charming the weight of the agenda eventually crushes the relationship.
 
Imagine seeing a life size cuddly teddy bear running towards you with his arms open wide, inviting you for a hug. So you run in its direction, reciprocating the gesture. Who can reject an endearing, snuggly, soft, warm hug? Well, being blinded by a flaunting or pretentious leader is like realizing that the huggable, loveable bear you´re running towards, is attached to the front of a speeding truck.

Why is it that when we go to a doctor and if we don’t like what we hear we go for second opinion and yet when we get on a plane we trust the first pilot offered? The difference is that the pilot is also getting on the plane with us.
Korach tragically crashed a plane with 250 families and their possessions by convincing them and himself he had their best interest at heart when it was really only about him. Perhaps this profound lesson of caution is all we can take from a taker.

First rule of leadership: Everything is your fault.


Have a beautiful shabbos!

Mission Possible

There is an underlying theme traveling through the fourth sefer of the Torah. 

 

It's called Divine Providence. 

 

Every occurence in life, be it of greater or lesser significance, is orchestrated by God. We see this revealed throughout the 40 years the Jews were in the midbar. Even the mitzvos that are handed down in these parshios relate to the theme of God's specific concern for each individual person.

We learn in pirkei avos, 'aizehu chochom, haroeh es hanolad' . This literally means, 'who is wise? someone who sees what will be born'. No, this has nothing to do with reading a sonogram. 

Who is a wise person? Someone who looks ahead into the future.

 

Someone who recognizes that there is a long term goal up ahead, which was predestined and set up specifically for him. Someone who realizes that every single thing that happens, including which parents he came from, the personality he was given, his mazal, as well every detail throughout his day, is part of a chain starting far back, and going way ahead. This is a person who lives with his eyes looking to the future. He understands that there's a rhyme and reason for it all, whether or not his binoculars can actually see it.

One who thinks that each action comes from nowhere and heads nowhere, is a person who lives only in the present, without long term concerns, and therefore, doesn't fall into the category of a chochom, because he´s limiting the pleasure and contentment of his own life. 

 

Ok, stop yawning. I know this is nothing new to some of you. But other people reading this are actually just waking up now. This is great news! Am I implying we can sit back on the beach for the rest of our lives and just blame everything on God?

Not quite. There's a fine line over here which needs to be met with caution.  

 

Placing our belief in God's complete control over everything, does not release us from taking personal responsibility for all our actions. 

 

It's very easy and satisfying to sit back and say "gam zu l'tovah", this, too is for the best. If I miss my train because I woke up late and left things for the last minute, I have no right to blame G-d by saying gam zu l'tovah. What does He hafta do with this? It's my fault for being irresponsible. 

 If, however, I woke up and left the house on time, but got stuck in an unavoidable traffic jam on the way to the station, and missed the train, well then that would be out of my control, and obviously willed from Above.

 

This is the challenge we face. To know and understand that everything happens for a reason with Hashem's constant guidance, while still being able to take responsibility for our actions, without shifting the blame to Divine providence.

 

 This can be understood even further. 

If my family, nature, and daily life details were custom made for me, then there must be a specific goal for me to reach based on what I was given. 

And whether or not I achieve that purpose, is completely my responsibility. I can´t blame my abusive kindergarten teacher, nor can I blame my father who was always away on business. 

The number one obstacle to self growth, is excuses. 

I need to stand up, grow up, fess up, own up, and take responsibilty for my decisions and actions.

 

This is why, in the parsha this week, Bamidbar, the Jews are being counted one by one... to show us the importance- not just of the Jews as a nation, but the significance of each individual.

 

I have a Mission Possible. And no one can accomplish it, but me.

The good news is, I´m not responsible for the outcome, solely for the effort. 

The results are in Hashem's hands. And that's where we say gam zu l'tovah. 

 

This Tuesday night begins the special festival of Shavuot. There's a whole lot more to this special holiday than flowers and cheesecake.

Shavuot is the day that we became the Jewish Nation!

 Not coincidently (obviously), our parsha theme continues to travel throughout the holiday.

When we originally received the Torah at Mt Sinai, the hardest adjustment for the Jewish nation was the sudden responsibility that came along with it. Because Following the Torah means TAKING RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS.

The general attitude among human beings is that success has many fathers, but failure is an orphan. I'm responsible for everything that goes right, but someone or something else is responsible when something goes wrong.

The first step in my personal preparation for Kabbalat HaTorah is to stop making excuses for myself. To stop blaming other people or circumstances for my mistakes and failures.
I alone am responsible for my actions.

 

 " If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments".

 

 Have a great shabbos and a meaningful Kabbalat HaTorah!

Pizza Or Donuts?

Believe it or not, some people really do seem to have perfect lives. 

I know families who have multiple BMW's and go on yearly cruises, they have beautiful, smart, healthy children, they have respectable careers, they give of themselves to the community, they're admired and held in high public esteem, have harmony in the home...I mean, can anything get better?

And yet, many of these blessed people seem to feel as if their lives are just chocolate glazed donuts. 

Their lives are full and rich and shiny and pleasurable.... but there's a hole in the middle. 

Something's missing. 

 There's a level of real happiness and contentment that's just not there.

 

The parsha this week speaks about reward and punishment in regard to the mitzvos.

 Im bechukotai teleichu...if you go in the way of my 'chukim'...then the Torah goes on to list a whole bunch of brachos that'll come your way. 

But, im bechukotai tima'asu...if you despise my 'chukim'...then the Torah presents a whole group of klalot- curses to send upon the person.

 

I have 2 questions on this:

1. Why does the possuk use the word teleichu, which means to 'walk' with the mitzvos instead of the word tishmoru, to 'keep' the mitzvos?

2. What exactly are the chukim?

 

So, Rashi answers the second question. 

He says shet'hiyu ameilim baTorah... put effort into learning Torah.

Ok. So instead of solving this problem, I think it just expanded. Rashi seems to be indicating that learning Torah is a chok.

What's a chok? It's a law in which the human mind can't visualize the cause, explanation, or justification for it.

   

So, how can learning Torah be a chok? 

It would appear to be a mishpat, since we do know why we learn it. We study Torah so that we can fulfill its laws and follow its commandments.

Like getting behind the wheel of a car, in order to maneuver it successfully and safely, one must first learn how to drive.

Unless you live in Mexico, then you just pay 50 bucks and you get yourself a license, plus a safe house to run to if you kill someone.

So, it can´t be a chok, because how are we supposed to keep the mitzvos without first learning what they are and how to keep them?

 

Here's the amazing chidush. The learning itself is not a chok. The studying of the Torah has an apparent reason. 

It's the ameilut, the toiling in Torah that we don't understand. 

The constant delving into deeper depths, the round the clock shuckeling, the never ending  thumb swaying... that's what we don't understand. 

How can an intelligent and ambitious man spend fifty or seventy years of his life sitting on a bench, that really should have been a swing, reading, learning, and shaking, and actually feel fulfilled?

It's because he understands the beauty of Torah, and he appreciates its worth. 

If someone entered your office five minutes before closing time and offered you $1,000,000 for staying five hours overtime, will you think twice about staying? Will you even think once?

If you need to contemplate that offer, I need to do a background check on your Jewish roots. 

Obviously you'll put in the extra time, since you understand and appreciate the value of the dollar.

So, the learning of the Torah is a mishpat, but all the extra toil is a chok since we can't humanly comprehend why someone will stay awake til the two am learning, only to awaken again at four to resume. 

If I switch the soul searching with sole searching, now that´s a concept I understand and appreciate. Yes, I will sleep two hour nights if that´s the requirement for acquiring my dream shoes.

But the self induced insomniac who spends the wee hours shuckling, does so because of his deep appreciation and love of Torah. 

That extra exertion creates within him the highest possible level of true, inner happiness.

 

Now the other issue we had. The walking thing. 

This is the act, other than breathing, that comes most naturally to a person. 

I don't have to think 'right, left, right, left...' as I walk, unless I´m at my graduation. 

I just walk. 

We all just walk. 

It is recommended to watch where you´re going, tho, or you might end up in places...or in things you don't want to be in .

To walk is literally, a way of life, since it's one's most natural action.

  The Torah is not supposed to be something we just keep or do or study. It is meant to become a way of life. 

Just like I walk without thinking since it's a part of me, I need to do the mitzvos like they're a part of me. They need to become a part of me. They need to become my natural insticts.

Returning to the perfect people we spoke about above whose donuts have holes, I have an idea for them.

Let's fill up the holes! 

Listen to the recipe:

There are some donuts that come completed, with, say jelly. Y´know which those are. The ones that make a snowstorm on your clothes, and you don´t quite know where to put your nose while you take a bite.

 So, there are 2 types of Jews in the world. There's a Jelly Donut Jew and a Pizza Pie Jew. 

Which group are you a member of?

When you have a pie of pizza with eight people waiting to dig in, you slice up the pie into eight, pull out each sizzling slice, and every person receives their own piece. 

Now, on the other side of the room we have a jelly donut with four people waiting to indulge. The donut gets cut into four, with each person receiving a quarter. But, in contrast to the individual slices of pizza, each piece of donut has bit of the jelly stuck to the corners.  

 Because the Jelly is the central point of the donut.

There are different ways of using our unique Jewish lives. 

One way is to act, dress, speak and think just like our non Jewish coworkers, although of course remembering to throw in some prayers and maybe even bentch, (while pretending to speak on the phone), where each slice of pizza is individual and disconnected.

Or, we can act, speak, dress, feel, think, and walk like a Jew no matter where we work, where we go, or what we do. 

Every word in our conversations will be refined, every activity will be one of dignity. Each action will have a little bit of the jelly at the tip. Every step we take will be guided by the Torah. 

 Judaism is not a religion. It's a way of life. We walk with it.

This does not contradict having fun.

This means having fun and getting pleasure out of life, while feeling fulfilled and content, instead of fun that leaves one feeling empty and perhaps, even guilty. 

This is what we need to fill our holes with in order to have true happiness and inner peace. A life of understanding and appreciating the value of Torah, bringing it into our lives, and making it part and parcel of who we are.

 

BRING ON THE JELLY!

 

I wrote this little poem that I frequently chant to myself. It´s easy to commit to memory, and has so many different ways of  being interpreted. Choose your own.

 

As you go thru life,

No matter your goal

Keep your eyes on the donut,

And not on the hole.

Have a great shabbos!

Identity vs. Integrity

The parsha this week speaks about the migadef, the boy who cursed G-d. What caused this child to have to express himself in such an extreme way, by cursing Hashem?
 
The boy was born to a Jewish mother and an Egyptian father. The process of determining which tribe a person belonged to was simple; each child became an automatic member of his fathers' tribe. The customs and tribal privileges of the father were passed down to the son. 
In the case of the megadef, his father was Egyptian and therefore he had no tribe.
 
He didn´t belong.
 
This child had a real identity crises. His mother was raising him to be a good Jewish little boy, sending him to Jewish day schools, lighting an electric menorah, eating matzah at the seder table (which they video taped to show the grandchildren)... but yet, he belonged to no tribe, and therefore belonged nowhere.
 
This can be extremely frustrating for a child. This case is way too common in the Western world today. Majority of intermarried couples think they're giving their child an extra privilege by allowing them the opportunity to pick their own religion, but in reality the child is confused, frustrated, and even angry at their parents for putting them in such a messed up situation. Sometimes, while choosing one religion over the other, they subconsciously even pick one parent over the other.
 
A 17 year old girl came to speak with me a little while ago. Her father is Jewish, her mother's not. She decided she wants to be Jewish, so she spoke to a few people, and believing her sincerity, they sent her to me to see if I can help her.
After questioning her a bit, and broaching various topics, I decided that this girl was not sincere and was not determined to be shomeret Torah Umitzvot.
 
So what was her motive? 
She had no identity! She felt awkward with her non Jewish friends, and she felt out of place with her Jewish friends. She wants to marry  Jewish because they ¨make the best husbands¨, but most Jewish boys will turn her down if she doesn't convert. I hope.

People need an identity. This juvenile curser, who actually went public and cursed God, did so out of the pain of being an outsider and not belonging.
 
Truthfully, we ALL need to belong in one way or another. It's healthy for us to have some sort of identity.
 
After one of my babies were born, I went for a couple of days to "bait hachlama", a convalescent home, to be pampered and spoiled until it was time to go home and face the reality waiting for me.
 
One day, as normal days go at the bait hachlama, all the women were sitting around together taking care of their newborns´ needs. I sat back observing the scene.
 
Every woman looked the same. They wore long, over-sized various colored robes, one or another type of snood perched on their heads, comfortable slippers on their feet, and makeup-less faces. Everyone was feeding babies and changing diapers round the clock.
 
My spectating stopped as the women began an interesting conversation. One busy mother started speaking about the exploding pile of sewing she has waiting for her upon her arrival home. Apparently, she´s a seamstress. Another woman commented that she has days worth of tests to mark; clearly she's a teacher.
 
The next one spoke about a children´s book she's writing, when another woman interrupted her, proudly describing the one-of-a-kind cakes she sells.  And on and on the conversation went...each woman feeling a great need  to prove to the others that she's more than she appeared to look at that moment. Each woman had an identity that she was proud of and she wanted the others to see her as that identity. 
 
I laughed to myself, finding the discussion quite humorous. 
The only thing I was anticipating doing when I got home, was curling up on the couch with a bag of potato chips and watching old TV reruns. I just had a baby! If not now, then when?
 
But in retrospect, I learned something important.
 
It's a normal, healthy need to want recognition for who you are. Because once you develop a  reputation for yourself, you always have to live up to that name. For the good, and for the better. Hence the importance of focusing on our positive aspects and creating a positive identity for ourselves.
 
HOWEVER.
 
To be dependent on a personal identity can lead us into the danger zone. Our window into another person´s world is usually by what they do. If you are a lawyer, that would become your identity in others´eyes.
The way we learn about other people, really, is through their speech and actions. If you want people to get to know you better, you need to allow them to get to know who you really are. The need to reveal your deeper self is not necessarily important, or good. In fact, having a secret place in your heart, an inner life that isn´t judged or exposed to other people, is a precious thing.
 
What happens if one day your identity is taken away from you? You can longer perform in the way you have been performing. Or, if you move somewhere where your identity is no longer recognized, or needed.
How can we go on with life without it?
 
There is an identity that is unique and specific to each individual person. The only way to develop that is by asking ourselves, ¨Who should I be at this moment in time in terms of Hashem´s Will for me? How can I bring light into the specific places that Hashem placed me in?¨
 
Yes, I need to develop my positive traits and use the talents I was given, but, I need to do them, not on my own terms, but on Hashem´s terms. And the only opinion of me that matters, is His.
 
If I´m dependent on my identity rather than on my integrity, I might be in for a very rude awakening when my identity dies before I do.
 
So, belonging somewhere is important, and creating a name for myself is important, but it´s not my goal. My goal is to do what I have to do and be who I have to be, even if no one knows about it but me and God.

"We were all born so different and unique; what a shame we spend our lives trying to be like everyone else"
 
Have a great shabbos!

How Old Are You Now?

Is it just me, or the older you get, the smarter your parents´ become?
 
Growing older is the goal in life, tho it´s hard to see that through all the wrinkles.
 
 I remember once, while browsing through Hallmark, there was a card that caught my attention. It said, ¨Happy Birthday, Grandpa. You are 80 years young!¨

At first it saddened me. Why are people so afraid of growing older? Why do we need to to comfort ourselves by using the word young instead of old? Is the alternative to getting older any better?
 
But then I learned something important from that card.
 
Being young is amazing!
 
No, I´m not referring to the partying, metabolism, or the freedom of youth.
 
Being young is a blessing because of the endless opportunities open before us. A  younger person still has that child-like quality of being innocent, excited, trusting and hopeful, and they usually haven't been corrupted or fallen into despair yet.
 
But most importantly, they know  there is still so much about life that they don´t know. Children are constantly asking questions, desperate to know more, to understand more.
In this week´s parsha, Kedoshim, we´re taught  that 'You should show respect for your elders and fear your G-d'.

The Gemorah writes that zaken, an elderly person stands for ze she-kana chochma; he who has acquired wisdom.

The wise man in his youth grasps things theoretically, but as he grows older, he sees that which was described to him become real and actual. The experience of life itself transforms intellectual theory and logic into reality and fact, which causes this knowledge to be ingrained within his being. Wisdom which was previously cold, impersonal, and abstract now becomes apparent. 
Our elders serve as a beacon of knowledge, who, through their life experiences, have been able to acquire Torah perception in its truest sense.

 No matter who he is, just by living life and experiencing so many challenges, and making so many mistakes, he automatically acquires a level of wisdom that no young person has, no matter how high the latter's IQ level.

Rav Yochanan, it's noted, was accustomed to rising before any elderly person, including non Jews, simply because of the wisdom they possessed.

It states in Pirkei Avos, perek 4 possuk 15 "The fear of your teacher shall be similar to your fear of heaven".
 
Chazal in various places have described in clear terms the severe punishments for those who do not show proper respect to their Torah teachers.
 
The rationale for this is that improper respect for teachers and elders weaken their leadership and diminish their overall influence on us. Lack of respect for elders means, in effect, the elimination of Torah leadership.
 
The Jewish people are different from other nations in that we cannot survive without the institution of "elders". Although other nations can exist without being led by sages or elders, it is Klal Yisroel's uniqueness that make our elders a necessity rather than a luxury.
 
Surpassing the power of the elders is tantamount to striking a fatal blow at the very core of the life force of the Jewish people. They are a link in the chain of Torah transmission from Har Sinai.
 
There's a well known story about Rav Yaakov Kaminetzky who was once traveling on an airplane with his grandson. Seated next to him was a secular Jewish observer, an evolutionist, who was watching in amazement how much unwavering respect the Rav's grandson kept honoring him with.
 
Finally he approached R' Yaakov and told him he has never seen anything like that before. He asked him why his grandson honored him so deeply and served him with so much respect.
 
 "It's simple", R' Yaakov responded. "In your belief, you are two generations closer than your grandson is to your ancestors, who were monkeys. You are greater than them, and your grandson is even greater than you. In our belief system, I am two generations closer to my ancestors who received the Torah. They were much holier that me. My grandson feels that awesomeness and therefore treats me with so much respect." 

Looking around at the world today, who are our role models? Whose pictures are teenagers hanging up on their bedroom walls? Definitely nobody over the age of 30. And nobody with too much wisdom, or too many morals.
 
Someone whose exterior is more significant to them than their interior panics at the thought of getting old. What's left to life after it's lived?
 
As Jews, we understand that life is even more lived as we age. Age symbolizes true wisdom.
 
The soul never ages; the body ages alone.
 
 Living life as a body can be highly depressing as the wrinkles appear and gravity does its job. But living life as it really is, as a soul, keeps us young forever, even as our wisdom advances.
 
As we get older, we must remain young. We need to keep asking, keep learning, keep growing, keep changing. We need to realize that although we have gained lots of wisdom, there is still so much more to learn.
 
As we get older we keep learning more about ourselves, and how we can better complete ourselves, enabling us to help those with less experience.
 
And, maybe we, the youthful, will look at our parents and grandparents through a different light and turn to them for advice in areas where they may be able to guide us.

 One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure it’s worth watching.

Have a great shabbos!

Change is Scary!

The possuk tells us in this week's parsha, Tazria:

 'Isha ki tazria v'yalda zochor',  A woman conceives and gives birth to a male.

There's a midrash that connects this possuk to one in tehillim, (kuf lamed tes- hei) which says: 'Achor vakodem yitzartani', Back and front you fashioned me.

Reish Lakish teaches us such a powerful lesson about this.

He says 'Achor vakodem' is referring to the first day of creation.

Man is told that if he keeps Torah and mitzvos, " you came before the entire work of creation".  But, if he doesn't, then "even an earthworm preceded you".

Man was created chronologically last, but he's unanimously considered first in importance. That is, if he earned his honor. If not, the chronological order has greater significance.

Now, this is all really deep and beautiful stuff, but it's tickling the logical side of me. Does it make any sense that a lowly little earthworm who does nothing but crawl on his slimy tummy and eat fertilized mud all day, can ever have greater significance than a human being? Even one who is alienated from Torah?!?

Our question has an answer, thanx to R' Baruch Mordechai Ezrachi shli"ta.

Every creation has a purpose. The more significant the creation, the more demanding its purpose.

Man is the crown of creation. The epitome of the universe. A human being has a goal in life which is based on his abilities and opportunities. An earthworm has one advantage over a human.

 It automatically succeeds in attaining its purpose in this world, while man can easily fall short of his potential.

That's because the mission of an earthworm is simply to crawl around on its slimy tummy and eat fertilized mud all day. Period. So unless he has a physical handicap and is born horizontally challenged, (very rare condition), he naturally reaches his goal in life, just by living.

But, since a human being, and especially a Jew, has such a tremendously high potential, if he doesn't keep working on himself, and keep challenging himself to grow more and to become a more wholesome person and a better Jew, there's no way he'll be able to reach the level that he's capable of reaching.

So, what happens next?

The lowly little earthworm attained his goal, while the high and mighty man, did not.

What a sad ending.

So, how do we reach that potential? 

We need to know who we are, and what we can achieve.

Introspection, leading to personal adjustments. 

Prior to making personal adjustments, taking internal inventory is required, deeming it necessary to take a deep, introspective tour of our interior. We may discover things in there that we never knew existed. For the good, and for the better.

We also might come across negative aspects of ourselves that we are unaware of, or aware of, yet choose to ignore... and here we are facing them head on. It's scary and difficult.

And we don't like it.

We do like learning, tho. We like going to classes on the topics of happiness, love, enthusiasm, and many other 'harmless' concepts. But learning about deep spiritual growth is a bit scary to us, because it means we have to work. Hard.

It creates the realization that we need to make some changes in our lives. And we don't like to change.

 There was a study done in the United States a few years ago, where people were asked to confess their biggest fears. When I saw the results I almost burned my intestines on the coffee I was sipping. The study proved that a large majority of adults are more afraid to move to a different city than they are of dying.  

 Didja hear me?

 More people are afraid of moving, than they are of dying?!

Moving to a different home, a new neighborhood or new city and meeting new neighbors, perhaps the need for a new job or school… and all sorts of change, apparently causes more anxiety in Americans than actual death.

Death is predictable. It’s expected.

 Its inevitability creates a certain comfort and optimism in us. Yes, people fear death because of the how and when factors, but the actuality of its reality diminishes anxiety. Additionally, once death occurs, there are no adjustments to make, and no changes to get used to. It’s over.

The effects of fear of change, however, can be anxiety provoking and even debilitating.

If change is so scary when it just involves physical movement, like moving to a new home, imagine how much more frightening it is to make a lifestyle change, or a character change.

 "What if I don't like what I find? I just paid $175 an hour to find out who I am, and now I needa replace it for a new and improved version?"

"Does this require any thinking? Cuz that would be heading into unfamiliar territory."

Those are some of the many panicky thoughts bombarding our minds at the thought of introspection, and being that in most cases fear of change stops us from taking action by paralyzing us with its anxiety, these thoughts usually end up interfering immensely with our growth process.

Fear of change is nothing new. It has nothing to do with modern psychology.

When the Jews left Egypt and started their journey through the desert, the had food raining down on them from the sky, no need to cook, no need to shop, no one has to work for a living, no looking for parking, no gaining weight,  it was literally heaven on earth! I mean, after 210 years of slavery, this was the life! This defines freedom!

But yet, were they full of gratitude? Were they overwhelmed with love for their Savior?

I think not.

Rashi  describes the kvetches and complaints of the Jewish people in the desert. They cried out to Moshe that they want to go back to Mitzraim! They want to turn around, and head straight back to Egypt... where they had 'free fish'.

Yup, you heard right. They didn't like the mann thing- they wanted more options on the menu. They wanted to go back to where they got 'fish for free'.

Didn't we all learn this story at least 30 times since we were born? In Miztraim they were slaves. They did back breaking work. They sweated their pores dry. Why on planet earth did they want to go back to such a place, and why in heavens name did they claim that they had fish for free there? They didn't even get straw for free, how could they have gotten free sushi?

Rashi explains: Chinam min hamitzvot, they were free from doing mitzvos.

Whoa.

Even though, while residing in Egypt they worked themselves ragged, and their lives were so bitter, and they had no rights, they were beaten to a pulp, and they just lived in misery...they still preferred to go back to that living hell, rather than have to change their lifestyle. They chose slavery over freedom; over a life of following the Torah. They were too afraid of all the responsibilities that come along with this lifestyle.

 Why? How could they be so stupid?

Easily. Even though their lives in Mitzraim were miserable, they were still so accustomed to living that way, that they'd rather remain slaves, where it's 'comfortable', than have an better life, but have to make major changes to enjoy it.

This sounds very strange to us, that they are all victims of self injury. But the painful truth is that we all, in some way, make the same self destructive decisions sometimes.

I've been acquainted with kids who have developed anxiety at the thought of moving up to high school. Their fears advance at the start of college. Sometimes the anxiety is so powerful that it actually blocks them from applying or attending university, which obviously causes them to remain with a limited level of education.    

  

There are also those that are offered promotions in their careers, but decline due to the fear of leaving their hometown and having to make new lifestyle adjustments. Therefore, they remain mediocre instead of advancing. They'd choose to stay at a lower position, and lower income,  rather than make any changes.

Unfortunately, there are people who choose to remain victims in abusive relationships, even while given opportunities to leave, due to those same fears.

The mann that the Jews received in the midbar, came with strings attached. They can have it... but they have to start keeping the mitzvos now. The fish that they got in Mitzraim was FREE!!  No responsibilities. No obligations. No changes.

Although we might be tempted at times to stay where we are, whether in a physical, emotional, or spiritual sense, in order to avoid change and adjustment, running away from the 'fear of the unknown', we have to realize that such behavior will cause us to remain in whatever state we are (if not a lower one)... forever. We will go nowhere and become no one. 

Changing a behavior or a mindset creates a challenge. Challenge creates growth.  Achievement and greatness comes from accepting the responsibilities that a life of meaning is offering. 

Without enduring change and growth, we are opting for a life of slavery. 

Why are we so afraid to change?

3 basic reasons:

1. Afraid of the unknown

2. Driven by well-honed habits

3. The pain of loss

The height of our potential is the ultimate, so spiritual growth is an endless path. There might be some stones along the way, but you can either trip on them and break your femur bone, or you can use them as stepping stones to bring you to the next level of your journey.

'Asher barah Elokim laasos', G-d created this world to do.

To move. To change. To improve.

 So, humans are, indeed, creatures of habit.

However, we are not  powerless, and we do have a choice.

Recognizing that we were created just to change and grow, and the whole world itself was built just to change it and improve it, can help us diminish our fear and anxiety of change. Change is the entire reason for existence. We each have the power & the choice to break free from our habits, our patterns, the chains we may be born into carrying, the ideas and expectations that others have of us, and the fate of mediocrity that each of us could comfortably settle for.

And about being compared to worm... you wouldn’t want to soil your reputation by being known as a spineless coward, now would you?

Have a beautiful shabbos!