The Message of Pesach

With sincere apologies to Parshas Tzav, this week we'll be discussing the upcoming yom tov of Pesach.

This is not gonna be one of those ¨Pesach is about cleaning the chametz, not cleaning the chandelier¨ posts. 

But, it is true that when simply hearing the word Pesach, many of us transform into some kind of unrecognizable form of ourselves. Even if that word is mentioned in July.

Panic, anxiety, and hyperventilation creep up on us, and though we try to bury the negative feelings, sometimes a tad of loathing comes to join the emotional party.

 

Is this really what Pesach is supposed to be like? Somehow I don't think G-d had intended that this holy and delightful holiday become a turn-off to all family members living with a harried pre Pesach woman.  

We are commanded to get rid of the chametz. Period. No need to remove the curtains, paint the house, or go through picture albums from the 80´s. You´re not missing much anyway in those albums, it´s just a bunch of hairspray and leg warmers.

 When was the last time you ate your peanut butter sandwich while hanging from the chandelier? Probably when you were a monkey.

So, I´m going to take just a few minutes to focus on what Pesach is and to stay away from what it's not.

Pesach, in a nutshell.
Hehe.

The Jews were set free from 210 years of bitter slavery. The possuk writes that they left Egypt bechipazon, in a rush, and if they would not have left at the exact moment that they did, they would not have been worthy of leaving at all!
At this point, the Jews as a nation, were on the 49th level of impurity. Had they stayed in that morally depraved country for another minute they would´ve fallen down to the 50th level, the lowest possible one, disabling their redemption permanently.

Ok. I have a problem with this. Do you mean to tell me that it took 210 years for them to fall down to the 49th level, and in 4 1/2 more seconds of being around the corruption, they´d fall down a whole nother level?

Rabbi Akiva Tatz says, it wasn´t the Egyptian influence that would have caused their descent. The offense would have been an internal one. It would have been the waiting, itself.

Laziness. Procrastination. 

Had they decided to first finish the game they were playing, or finish a conversation with someone, take a nap before the trip, or even finish the bread they were baking, they would have been guilty of procrastination.
That would have been a transgression so great that it would have rendered them...and us...slaves, forever and ever.
That´s a frightening thought.  
My name would probably be Yafhadenijad.  I wouldn´t even know how to spell that.

Bechipazon. THAT was the second to act, and not a moment later.

I once missed out on an opportunity to redt a shidduch between two people, because I moved too slowly. I was very young and felt intimidated to call. I had this excuse, and that one. On the day that  I finally decided to do it, I heard the news: They had gotten engaged! To each other! 
And I had lost that irreplaceable mitzvah. 
 

 I have another question. 

We all understand the reason we have to eat matzoh on Pesach, but why do we have to get rid of all the chametz? On sukkos we move into the  sukkah, but we don't have to destroy our homes while eating in it!

So why isn't it enough to just eat matzoh- why are we commanded to get rid of all the chametz as well? 

I have another question.  
Why do we start counting the omer on the second night of Pesach and not on the first?

Ok, I´m gonna be very Jewish for a minute, and answer my questions with another question.

What's the difference between chametz and matzah?

Look at their spelling. They both have a mem,and tzadi. But their third letters are different. One has a ches, and the other, a hei. The difference between a ches and a hei, is just a teeny tiny line. But that minuscule line is the entire difference between the two.

Now, check out their ingredients. Flour, and water. They're both made out of the same exact things.

Being that both of these items are so similar, it arouses my curiosity that eating one of them on Pesach is such a great mitzvah, and eating the other is such a great aveirah.

So, what exactly is the halachik difference between the two? 

1- Time factor. For the matzah to be kosher, it has to be completely finished within 18 minutes. Otherwise, it's  chametz.  
It needs to be made immediately. 
No procrastinating. No being lazy.

2- Constant work. As long as the dough is being kneaded consistently, it's good to go. When you stop kneading it and leave it to sit around, it starts to rise a bit, causing it to become chametz. 
No procrastinating. No being lazy.

Everything in the physical world is mirrored in the spiritual world. Cleaning for physical crumbs in all the cracks and crevices of the home is meant to reflect cleaning the hidden corners within ourselves to get rid of spiritual crumbs.
  
 Matzah is simple and humble. The only way for it to lose that status is through lack of movement and work. 

We, too are born simple and humble. But if we let ourselves sit around, we stop working on ourselves, and we become chametz. Because when we sit, when we´re spiritually lazy, we start rising. Our ego's naturally get pumped with helium. We become arrogant.

Throughout the year we are obligated to remember our stay in egypt and our negative experience there, but we can be surrounded by chametz while doing so.

On Pesach, we have to concentrate so intensely on what happened in Egypt, that we can't be distracted by the chamtez. Nothing can get in the way of our focus on The message of Pesach. 

The message of Pesach is so important that we cannot even focus on the highlight of history, the essence of who we are, the day of matan Torah!  

That´s why we count the omer starting on the second day of Pesach instead of the first, so that our focus on the seder night can be purely on the message of the chag.

The message of Pesach is TIME MANAGEMENT. 
Physically, as well as spiritually, we gotta move immediately and consistently.

Remember the famous story of Rabbi Akiva? He eventually became the greatest Torah teacher of all time. But in order to achieve that status, his selfless and devoted wife, Rochelle, encouraged him to travel to a top yeshiva where he can study away from home and uninterrupted for 12 years. 
As arranged, he returned home after being away that long, and as he approached his house, he heard his wife having a conversation inside with a neighbor. The neighbor, clearly impressed with her sacrifice and determination, asked her how she would react if her husband walked through the door and announced that he wants to return the yeshiva for another 12 years.
Her response? GO!

Rabbi Akiva heard her response, and without missing a beat, turned 360 degrees, and his destination became one with his original departure.  He stayed at the yeshiva for another 12 years, becoming the preeminent Torah teacher that he was, and molding 24,000 students into true talmidei chachamim and future Torah teachers.

There´s one little detail that always bothered me about that very inspiring story. He didn´t see his wife for 12 flippin years! Couldn´t he just go in and say hello? Couldn´t he have a cup of coffee with her before departing again? 

After learning about bechipazon, I have my answer. 
No. He couldn´t. 
Had he gone in to see his wife, he may never have left again.
Rabbi Akiva knew that he needed to make a split second decision. It´s now or never.  

THAT was the second to act, and not a moment later. 

One more question, just to fill up your seder with lots of ´em. What does chametz have to do with the avoda of pesach? Why doesn't chametz interfere with Rosh Hashana, or Shabbos?

  
 The only time we have an obligation from the Torah to educate our children, is at the Pesach seder. As a matter of fact, that is the entire point of Pesach. V'heegadita l´bincha... Transmission to children.  

At the seder, we do everything just for the kids to ask and learn. But, a person cannot transmit when he has gaava, arrogance. 

 Because an arrogant person doesn't listen to anyone, and therefore doesn´t learn from anyone. And he can't connect with those that he's teaching. A person can only teach something to others when he has humility.

And, this is why, right after we learn the message of Pesach from Rabbi Akiva, each of his 24,000 students fell sick and left this world. 
Because, since they didn't have enough humility and couldn´t respect each other properly, they were unable to transmit the Torah. They had to be disqualified.

Time management. 
The time is now.

It seems like a message so simple and insigficant for a holiday as grand as Pesach. 

Simple? Indeed it is. It´s that little miniscule line causing the hei to become a ches.  
It´s that little mitzvah that I lost forever.
It´s that little split second decision of doing something now...or perhaps never.

Chametz or matzah. Arrogance or humility. Life or death.

Insignificant? Indeed it is...if you´d rather still be wearing a burqa.
 

Btw, I used blue ink this week because I'm in middle of cleaning out my black ink cartridge for Pesach.

Have a great shabbos and a chag kasher v'sameach.

Sushi is my Best Friend

Welcome to the third book!

The parsha this week, Vayikra, speaks about the different karbonos, sacrificial offerings that are brought up, and it mentions a 'bird'.
 
Midrash Tanchuma explains that the various offerings are brought only from oxen, goats, sheep and birds, but NOT from fish. Why don´t fish qualify? What does the Torah have against my beloved sushi?

Animals and fowl have a similarity to human beings; they are made of flesh and blood, and  are born from the womb. Fish have scales and spawn eggs. 
Yes, fowl lay eggs too, but they care for them until they hatch, and then the mother will remain with her young, feeding and nurturing them til they are capable of fending for themselves. Hence the mitzvah of Shiluach Hakan. 
 
 Fish, though, have absolutely no relationship with their young.
 
One of the problems I have with the movie 'Finding Nemo' is its inaccuracy. Nemo's father couldn't possibly have had such strong feelings for his baby that he would swim for days on end looking for him. It makes no sense according the nature of fish. But hey, it brought in billions of dollars...so who cares, right?
 
I´ve gained insight from this Midrash. In order to be used as an offering to serve as an atonement for a human being, it is necessary to use a living thing which is similar to humans. Because as humans, we´re naturally drawn to things or people that speak to us, and we connect to whom or what we relate to.
 
Ourselves included.
 
Modern psychology teaches us to love ourselves, causing many embarrassing moments of mirror soliloquy. It has recently been replaced with many embarrassing moments of mirror photography.
 
While disagreeing with the method, I fully agree with the concept. 

We must be attracted to ourselves.
 
In order to succeed in life, and to fulfill our individual mission and purpose, we have to learn not only how to relate to ourselves, but how to bring out the best in who we are.

There are opposing opinions on the proper way of working bein adam l'atzmo, between man and himself.
 
If I want to improve a middah, how shall I decide which? Is it better to choose one that´s naturally difficult and a struggle for me, or should I begin with one that I´ll have an easier time with?
 
A widely accepted approach would be to choose the hard one. The philosophy behind this is that a greater challenge creates greater effort which lends to a greater result.
 
So, I understand the benefits of hard work, but apparently I´m more human than others, and if I spend my life focused on my weaknesses and struggling to perfect them, I will also end up spending my life renewing my meds.   
 
Since my sanity is something I hold dear, I figure there must be other methods in which I don´t have to lose it.
 
There are two types of work which we have to accomplish in our lifetime.
Tikun atzmi and tikun olami; repairing myself and repairing the world.
 
Upon entering this world, we were handed a package containing everything we need for our journey through this world. 
Just like Dora the Explorer. 
Except, we don´t have anyone helping us climb by yelling ¨Help Dora climb...can you say subida¨?
 
We got our map, our fuel, and personalized accessories. We were given individualized strengths and weaknesses, qualities and talents, physical appearances, health, family, friends, emotional makeup, personalities, IQ levels, and a whole lot more, to take us through life.
 
Sometimes I wish someone would give Dora a GPS and spare us the agony of her journey. But obviously the whole point of her trip is to use the articles in her bag to help her find her own way. Getting lost is part of the challenge, and asking for help is part of the process.
 
In order to perfect the world, I need to dig into my bag and pull out my strengths. I need to use my talents and abilities to make a positive difference. But in order to perfect myself, I need to find and improve my weaknesses.
 
The only way I can successfully repair my flaws is by simultaneously utilizing my virtues.
 
Rav Volbe writes that when one begins to work on a personal flaw, he should pick one that's easy; common. Not only that, and here's another connection to Nemo, but in order to atone for any character flaw that we'll find in ourselves, we must look for its similar counterpart as a prerequisite to the avoda.
 
I'll explain.
 
Any bad middah that I have is not one dimensional. It's also a good middah.
 
The word middah means both characteristic, and to measure. To constantly measure our spiritual stature and development.
 
The characteristic as a whole sits on a measuring stick with the negative to the left and positive to the right.
 
If I'm indecisive, never able to make up my mind,  don´t have many opinions, it can get frustrating for everyone involved. But what's on the positive end of it? Easygoing, flexible, accepting...pleasurable for everyone involved.
Take someone who has a low level of patience. They´re easy to anger, you´re afraid to approach them, too demanding... But what can be on the positive end of it? This person doesn't stand for nonsense and accomplishes a lot. They know how to get things done quickly and properly.
 
So the way to work on a bad middah, is to focus on the corresponding good middah, because you can only improve if you're moving forward, not just restraining yourself.
 
Chazal tell us, sur mai-rah v'asai tov. 
 Leave the bad, but the only way to successfully do that is v'asai tov by doing good.

 Remember:
Your biggest weakness is also your strength.


Btw, another reason I don´t like Finding Nemo is because of the philosophy that ´fish are friends, not food´. 
Excuse me? Ever go out to dinner with a fish? 
Oh, yea. On my plate.
 
Have a beautiful shabbos.

Pain: Covering it, or Controling It?

More important than the actions we do, are the motivations behind them. 

I have a friend who broke her engagement right before her wedding, because she realized beyond a doubt that her ex fiance was marrying her just for her money. But until that point he did a pretty good job convincing her that it was her he really wanted.

 Have I ever done any action for ulterior motives? Absolutely.

The possuk writes, V'hanesiim heiviu et avnei hashoham; And the princes brought the Shoham stones.

  

If you pay close attention, you'll see that word nessiim is written without the letter 'yud'. Though it's small in appearance, the 'yud' is huge in significance. Why is it missing?

When the nessiim of each tribe heard that Hashem wanted a mishkan, tabernacle (gosh, who invented that word?) erected they suggested to Moshe that they alone would supply all the necessary materials for the mishkan. Moshe responded that Hashem would accept contributions from anyone who was willing to give. So, the nesiim decided privately that they wouldn't donate with the rest of the Jewish people but rather they'd wait til the end and supply whatever was lacking.

Although this sounds pretty noble, there was a problem. They underestimated the generosity and devotion of the Jewish people who all gave eagerly and lovingly, so that no more material was needed and they missed their chance. The nessiim were left excluded. They desperately wanted to have a part in the building of the mishkan, so they donated the precious gems for the Eifod and Choshen.  

The Torah omits the letter 'yud' to indicate a failure on the part of the nessiim. Although their intentions were honorable, they were wrong to postpone the fulfillment of a mitzvah. The omission or addition of the letter 'yud' to a name is a very significant change. 

Remember when Moshe added the letter 'yud' to Yehoshua's name? He did that before he went to scout the land of Eretz Yisrael, so that the other spies wouldn't have a negative influence on him.

So it would be important for us to understand the sin that mandated such a punishment.

Rashi, in his commentary, offers an answer. "Since they were lazy, a letter was omitted from their name". Although they thought their intentions were noble, in reality it was indolence that was the motivating factor for not contributing to the mishkan.

Maybe, just maybe, sometimes it's our subconscious that  regulates our reasoning? 

 The subconscious is a strange creature. It doesn't know what day it is, and can't add two and two. But it seems to know what may be causing my pain.

The subconscious has no ability to reason inductively, meaning that it can't use reason to take specific observations (for example, "two plus two") and arrive at general conclusions about them (for example, "equals four").

Instead it often uses blind association to arrive at general conclusions, sometimes linking things that make no logical sense. For example, if as a child you burned your hand on the exhaust pipe of a car when a tall man walked by, your subconscious may believe that tall people make exhaust pipes hot.

Yet despite these and other limitations the subconscious maintains subtle mastery over brain chemistry, regulates hundreds of life-giving processes, stores every word you ever heard or read, and orchestrates massive defenses when alien organisms invade your body.
 The power of the subconscious is frightening.

When I was 20 years old, I organized a seminar consisting of 1,000 young women, for Bnos Agudath Yisrael of America. As part of the program, I had wanted to reserve a certain well known speaker to address the crowd. He was a young, enthusiastic Rabbi who lived in Boro Park. I found his number, called his home, and his wife picked up. 
He wasn´t home, so I left a detailed message and then left my name and number. I was about to hang up, when I hear on the other end, ¨No Way! Are you the Yaffa Berger who went to _________ school for preschool¨? 
Shocked, I answered in the affirmative. She continued telling me how she was my teacher in Pre-1-A.
Suddenly I heard myself shouting. MORAH YOCHEVED?? 
She laughed and told me that she was, indeed, morah Yocheved.
All of a sudden there were tears in my eyes. I related to her how once, in class, when I was 5 years old, I mispronounced a certain word while reading it out loud, and a moment later I corrected myself, but that she had refused to give me a sticker for it. I was devastated because I really, truly, knew the correct way to read it, but yet she didn´t give me that pink, shiny sticker. 
To make a long story short, she asked me for my address and mailed me the sticker.
But to make long stories longer, just delve into the subconscious and see what´s inside. Every little incident can last a lifetime in there, and we often cannot access them until something triggers them to come to life. 
15 years later, the memory of that incident jumped out in front of me, causing me to feel that pain, pain that I had filed away, all over again.

 The subconscious houses the emotions, imagination, memory, habits and intuition.
 Although our conscious mind has the ability to reason and to decide upon the most advantageous course of action, it cannot implement its decision unless the subconscious agrees and directs its energy toward that end. Our source of energy is the subconscious mind. No amount of willpower exerted by the conscious mind can override it. 

Willpower can only dent the surface.  
It is an enormous power that we store in our subconscious mind and it is we that have to take control and direct it toward where we want it to go – not the other way around.

Sometimes life can be painful. Physically, emotionally, or both.

  
The subconscious is so powerful that it may be able to turn episodes of uncontrolled pain into events over which we have a degree of control. It can teach the conscious to create survival techniques that make us feel like winners, but we are, in essence ignoring the deep seated issues that the subconscious covered up to protect us from feeling its pain.

The best biblical example to illustrate how we can so easily trick ourselves is when the 11 brothers, the shevatim, decided that the 12th brother, Yosef, was a threat to their spiritual future.They convinced themselves of that by comparing him to their uncle Esav, and great uncle, Yishmael, and decided they need to sell him and get rid of him for good.

But you and I know the truth. It´s written straight out in the Torah. They were downright jealous of him and wanted him out of their lives.

In order to thrive in life, it is of vital importance for us to be totally in touch with, and aware of our feelings and emotions in order to take control over the subconscious and recognize the true motivation for our actions.

If the intention is wrong, or if we are dishonest with ourselves, we will ultimately come out looking wrong, missing out, or making bad decisions. Or all of the above.

"The teeth are smiling, but is the heart?" (Congolese proverb)

Have a beautiful shabbos.

What Am I Afraid Of?

Hearing about this week’s unspeakable tragedy on the heels of so many others over the past few months and years, created a universal state of panic and fear.

Each of us knows we will die one day. But we fool ourselves into thinking that those who die belong to a separate sector of humanity. "They are the mortal ones. We are immortal." Underneath it all, we have this illusion.

Did you ever have a friend who died suddenly? How did you react? "But I just talked to him yesterday! He can't really be dead. He was so full of life!"

What does that mean – "It can't be"? What we're really saying is that it's too close for comfort. I'm not in the mortal group. And now my friend is dead. That's too close. It can't be.

When someone we know dies unexpectedly, we feel our own sense of vulnerability. It makes us think, "Am I using my time efficiently?"

And that´s scary.

Fear of consequences can be a great motivator in getting a job done quickly and efficiently. But fear can also be dangerous when it´s used negatively. When we perceive God as a threat, our fear is egotistical, producing unfavorable results.

So what exactly is positive fear?

 We are given two different commandments about the way we must relate to God.

1.  We’re obligated to LOVE Him.

2.  We’re obligated to FEAR Him.

Contrary to popular belief, the emotions of LOVE and HATE are not opposites. There are too many similarities between the two, and they both stem from the same source.

The opposite of love, is fear.

Really?! Who am I to contradict so many decades of movies and love songs?

Well, when I love someone, I want to be as close to the object of my love as possible. When I fear something, I want to be as far away from the object of my fear as possible.

They are on opposite ends of the spectrum.

So, how can we be obligated to relate to God with two opposite emotions, simultaneously?

If you were to forget the birthday of someone you barely know it would hardly be considered a crime. But forgetting the birthday of your best friend, or spouse, may be reason for capital punishment.

A husband who forgot his wife’s birthday will be afraid to put his key in the door after work that day. Why? Is he afraid she’ll come pouncing at him and whack him on the head with a frying pan?

I don´t think so. 

It’s because he’s afraid of disappointing her.

THE MORE YOU LOVE SOMEONE, THE MORE AFRAID YOU ARE OF UPSETTING THEM.

So, in reality, LOVE and FEAR go hand in hand.

The unity of these two emotions is called AWE. ´Awesome´ has become a slangy word for ´amazing´ in our era, but it´s really deeper than that. 

‘Awe’, on one hand, is an experience so powerful that it's paralyzing. On the other hand, we know awe to be extremely exhilarating. Capturing a ‘WOW moment’, like witnessing the power of a hurricane, hearing tragic news, being spared an accident, or being in the presence of a political or cultural leader, can have a lasting effect on us.

Awe helps release you from the limits of the body. You are suddenly in a world of different dimensions, transported into the eternity of beauty, power, majesty. You've got an expanded perspective. It's no longer me versus you. We're all one.

Awe carries us beyond ourselves. In times of war and tragedy – as well as prosperity and joy – people get "bigger." They treat each other nicer. Pettiness and anger are forgotten.

But the reaction to an awesome experience can go either way. Will I allow the ´wow moment´ to make me feel insignificant and small, or will I merge with the greater whole and release its positive energy?

This decision will lead me either to experience depression, or inspiration.

Depression is the result of the emphasis on fear, while inspiration is derived from the aspect of love.

The key is to round out the ends of the spectrum, causing love and fear to march through life holding hands.

When we hear about terrible tragedies occurring, not only are we shocked and full of questions, but we develop a new level of fear. Relating to God with fear becomes increasingly easier than relating to Him with love, thereby leading us to depression and despair.

It’s all about mastering fear.

The Hebrew word yirah, means both to ‘fear’, and to ‘see’.

The way to become the person I want to be, I must master my fear. Not just my claustrophobia, or my fear of heights, but also my fear of failure, of success, of life, and of death.

And that means ‘seeing’ life from an expanded perspective.

It means having an awareness that comes from understanding, derived from realization. It means ´seeing´ things that are not obvious, referring to a deep level of understanding.

A world that runs randomly, without rhyme or reason, a world without control, is a world with no questions and no expectations. It´s also a world without love.

When I ask 'why'?, when I´m afraid of what's coming next, I'm confirming that my world is run by a God, Whom, by definition is 100% Just.

By being Just, He rewards every single act, as well as punishes every single act. Nothing goes unaccounted for. No one is forgotten.

What frightens me is His love for me.

Knowing that there is a master plan in this world, both generally and personally, and that I´m only responsible to strive for perfection, but not to reach it, and that my only responsibility in life is the effort, not the result, regardless of my determination… is the way I master my fear.   

I can never be a failure if the results don´t belong to me.

I never have to worry or be anxious, since life´s burdens are not on my shoulders.

I know that whatever happens in the world, God makes that decision out of love for me. I don´t have to understand it, nor do I have to like it. If I understood God´s intentions, or if I was let in on the secrets of the universe, they wouldn´t be secrets anymore, and God wouldn´t be much of a God. I certainly would´t want to take over.

The energy we get from fear can be harnessed for positive purposes. It doesn´t have to be restricting.

Fear is power and freedom.

Fear helps me do what's right, not what society thinks is right.

Fear is an exercise in free will.

Fear allows me to feel the thrill of life 100 percent of the time.

Fear can be used as a motivator for greatness.

Exactly like love.

Therefore, when I concretize awesome experiences and take control of my fear, when I actualize my potential, it leads me to love life, to love God, to love my friends, and eventually, to love my enemies.

Tragedies awaken us. They inspire us to face our mortality, wipe out pettiness, relinquish dilusional control, calm our anxiety, and make the most efficient use of our time by living life to its fullest.